How to Convert Negative Envy to Positive Energy

We’ve all been there. We see the posts and the pictures of victory that belong to others. Hear the stories and applause for success that aren’t for us.?

And then it happens….

The dark cloud of insecurity, jealousy, impostor syndrome, and resent sets in as if it were a thunderhead crawling over the open plains of Kansas. We see it, but we don’t (and sometimes can’t) move and we become drenched in self-doubt that is seemingly out of our control and we look to blame.

It’s a suffocating feeling that stops our progress, distracts our energy, and causes us to take a step (or fifty) back in our pursuit of happiness.?

Now, in the sake of pride, you may be thinking, “What? That’s not me. I’m focused on my own self.” If that’s true, congratulations, you make up the 25% of people who have NOT felt professional jealousy in the last year according to Harvard Business Review. For the other 75% of us, how can we turn this storm into a rainbow of opportunity and positivity?

The good news is, it has everything to do with your self-awareness and self-management through your own emotional intelligence. Even better news, you can fix it and turn negative envy into positive energy.?

The self-side of the “Core Four” of emotional intelligence is our self-awareness (how we’re feeling) and our self-management (what we do with those emotions). By retraining your emotional response to instances where jealousy may creep in, there are some simple tricks you can employ to turn this feeling around and keep yourself moving in the right direction.

It’s ok, be jealous

Yep, you read that right. Jealousy and envy is a natural reaction to instances where someone has something we want or achieves something we aspire to. Go ahead and let that feeling in, but only for a short time. Too often we let jealousy kick the door in in our minds and shame comes waltzing in right after. We feel immense guilt because we had that emotion within us which doubles up the negativity in our hearts and minds. Let it sting for a few minutes, then move on to the next step.

Ask yourself why?

There is something within the trigger of jealousy that’s important to you or that points directly to your core values. Stop and ask yourself what that is about the trigger. Is it the notoriety? The job title? The fulfillment they must be feeling??

Instead of letting it be a boulder to carry, you can turn it into wood to throw on your fire of motivation by exploring why you feel jealous in the first place. Once you can convert shame into curiosity, you remove the inferior feeling that you likely are experiencing and start putting your energy into figuring out your path to your own personal success. After all, it may not be the person or the specific instance, but the concept or feeling which could be found in a different scenario for you.

Get closer to the source

So maybe you didn’t get that promotion or maybe you got picked over for a speaking gig or someone else was chosen to lead the project. Perhaps it was that sale you knew you had locked up, only to get that dreaded “We’ve gone another route” email.

Our first thought is “What the heck?” (intensity/explicitness may vary in that response) and we immediately put this mental wall up or go into a “me against the world” mentality. However, there are a couple of thoughts you absolutely must go to in these scenarios that will give you some impressive power moving forward:

1.?????What skills/tools do they possess that I might not?

2.?????What has their journey been to this point that created this scenario?

3.?????What feedback can I get from the decision maker to improve on next time?

4.?????Was this just not meant to be?

A couple of key things here.?

First, go into any of these questions with calm and humility. You’re not going to win 100% of the opportunities that are presented to you, so understand that this is just the law of averages in some sense are playing out and this might not be the right path for you.?

If you get passed over for a promotion, get closer to the person who did get it and make them your ally. I know this seems easier said than done, but you will do yourself no favors by creating internal wars. That person may be the one that lifts you into a better position for you and your skillset.?

If you miss out on a sale, never be afraid to kindly ask for feedback on what finalized their decision. This could be the valuable information that helps you uncover a blind spot in your process to improve on next time.?

Finally, the missed opportunity may be a blessing in disguise. If you spend too much time sulking in your misery, you may have your head down and miss on other opportunities that are better suited. If those present themselves to you and you’re feeling confident about your growth and improvement, you’re much more likely to close the next deal since you won’t be feeling inferior from your previous defeat.

Stop comparing yourself to digital success

This is a trap, 100%. So often, we scroll social media in our free time and what do we see: the best of everyone. The success, the house, the car, the trip, the crowds, the accolades. We quickly turn inwards and wonder why our feed doesn't look like that.

Two things here:

1. You're getting the greatest hits of a variety of people. Think about it. If you flicked your thumb once on Instagram or LinkedIn, you'll see five or six different accounts sharing their best moments. Most people will share only their brightest moments, not their struggles and DEFINITELY not their failures. That person speaking on the stage that you think you should be on might have heard 200 "no's" so stop beating yourself up thinking that they're batting 100%. Even your favorite band has a couple of horrible songs.
2. Purge your feed of those that continually make you feel inferior or consistently claim overnight and perfect success. Ask your friends and colleagues who they follow that shares a balance of success and growth (I don't believe in the word failure).

By retraining your responses as mentioned above, you will keep moving in the right direction. Certain instances may slow you down a little bit for self-reflection and personal/professional growth, but I'd rather you keep taking one step at a time forward vs. staying still or retreating.

You have amazing things to go achieve! Let's keep moving with our heads held high!

About Rich

Rich Bracken ?is an energetic keynote speaker and marketing executive who blends data and research with emotion and case studies to share insights and strategies on how to implement sustainable positive change. His focus and passion is to help individuals and organizations perform at a higher level both personally and professionally through emotional intelligence. He has served numerous Fortune 100 clients and global organizations as a keynote speaker and consultant and is a Professor of Leadership and notable media personality appearing in such outlets as ABC, ESPN, Thrive Global, Vice, and Goalcast, and this fall he will be presenting on the TEDx stage.

To inquire about Rich's speaking availability for your next event or conference, contact him at [email protected].