How To Control Your Fear

Fear is an unpleasant feeling. It is a feeling that every human being always feel. Believe it or not, fear has been indoctrinated in our lives since we are young. It is also often used to motivate or demotivate adults. It can be very powerful. The feeling of fear is one of the greatest disadvantages we all have while pursuing what they want in life. If you want to control your fear, here are some steps to follow:

1). Understand What Fear Is

The first step is to have a clear understanding what fear is because you can’t deal with it effectively if you don’t understand it. In general, fear is a natural feeling. Everyone feels it. It can be real or imaginary. It can be reasonable or unfounded. Fear is caused by your negative experience from the past and your imagination of negative things that may happen in the future. Different people may have different (levels of) fears.

Typically:     

• Fear could make you scared and worried.
• Fear could make you insecure and less confident.
• Fear could make you hesitant and procrastinating.
• Fear could make you distracted and de-focused.
• Fear could make you less energetic and hopeless.
• Fear could limit your ability and potential.

To me, there are 2 types of fear:

A). Fear of Things That Might Go Wrong

This type of fear is caused by the thinking at present that something might go wrong. When it goes wrong, it can produce negative consequences. When you have this kind of thinking, you tend to create the negative emotion toward the future, which can lead to worry and depression. Surprisingly, the more you think about it, the more it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It also gives you the temptation to have a sense of control (of everything).

B). Fear of What People Think of You.

We live in a very critical society. People nowadays are so critical that the only time they say nice things about you is probably at your funeral. We are often afraid of what people think of us regarding what we had done in the past, what we are doing at present, and what we plan to do in the future. In other words, we are afraid of being criticized. The fear of being criticized can cause us to be very self-conscious.

Compared to animals, human beings are very self-conscious. When we are young as a child, we tend to be self-centered. But when we grow older as an adult, we tend to move from being self-centered to being self-conscious. The feeling of being self-conscious can make you afraid of what others think of you.

The question is “Do people really think of you?” Not really. They tend to think of themselves.

2). Befriend Your Fear

The second step is to befriend your fear. Make it your best friend, someone you know everything about and you still like and are very comfortable with. However, instead of telling you to befriend your fear, people often tell you that you must be bold when facing your fear. You must learn to confront it or control it.

Can you control your fear?

A). For the fear of what that might go wrong, you may want to control everything. Can you control everything? The reality is you probably can’t. However, one thing you can control is that rather than looking into the future with fear that things might go wrong, look into the future with hope that thing might go right. Doing so would create a possibility of positive outcomes.

B). For the fear of what others think of you, you may want to control the persons and what they think of you. Most likely, you can’t. People (including you and I) hate to be controlled. Trying to do so would only make the relationship and the situation worse. Similarly, you can’t prevent others from thinking of or criticizing you, no matters what you do. This is part of life.

What Many Don’t Realize….

The truth is the more you are trying to control your fear, the more you are actually feeding it. You make it stronger, much more powerful. Thus, rather than trying to control it, let of the control. Be kind to it; remain calm in front of it; have peace with it. When you are peaceful with your fear, it will disappear.

3). Do What You Do Best

Doing what you do best is one of the best ways to reduce or eliminate your fear. You may not be the best (number one) in the whole world, but you will look confident and act confident. It is quite easy to do what you do best. It is almost effortless. It also allows you to be both in your strength zone and comfort zone. The good news is each us is good at something.

In summary, fear is just like the disadvantages in life. It is not always negative. Fear can be a powerful force that pushes you to be well-prepared, vigilant, and not being stupid. As long as you don’t do anything illegal and as long as you prepared, it is ok to act despite your fear. And remember:

“What you really want in life is often on the other side of what you fear the most.” ~ Hev Saing

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About Author: Hev Saing is a motivational speaker, consultant, author, and expert on managing differences: Be Different and Lead Different. He is the author of the book: Your Differences Are The Key To Your Success, which is currently available on Amazon.com. For more info and inquiry about speaking engagements, visit: www.hevsaing.com