How Connections Keep Us Alive

Hi Everyone, Mazen here. Welcome to The Maximal Life!

How often do you make social plans?

I’m talking about the kind of plans that are simply for enjoying yourself and the company of other people, the kind of plans where spending time together IS the plan.

How often do you find yourself canceling plans with friends and loved ones because you are too busy or too tired from work? While it may feel as though you are keeping your priorities in line with your goals, neglecting your personal relationships can cause serious professional ramifications. 

Extensive research strongly indicates that the most serious professional ramification for neglecting personal connections with other people is an early grave. Talk about bad for business! Social isolation and lack of authentic human connectedness, have been well-established as risk factors for early mortality, especially for people under the age of 65. A recent study of the relationship between isolation and heart disease found “poor social relationships were associated with a 29% increase in risk of cardiovascular disease and a 32% increase in risk of stroke.” 

In today’s pervading culture, we are being led to believe we are more connected than ever, and yet 35% of all US adults are reported as being lonely. Technological advances which are designed specifically to connect people, are leaving us more isolated and lonely than ever before. 

Statistics show that social media merely provides the illusion of being connected to more people, but these types of relationships are deceptively superficial, and leave us feeling increasingly separated. When we are participating in our relationships predominantly online- we are often not connecting but comparing. Scanning through an online personality isn’t the same as tapping into that deep inherent desire to be close to other people. And more often than not, it’s a negative trigger that leaves us with a sense of not being enough for or being better than other people. The harsh reality is, when we are participating in this form of social interaction, we are often just staring at a screen, and literally alone.

A recent mata analysis gathered data from over 300,000 individuals over a 7-year span. This study found that people with authentic social relationships have a whopping 50% greater likelihood of survival compared to those with poor or shallow social relationships. In terms of avoiding early mortality risks, the sheer magnitude of improving the quality of your social relationships is comparable to quitting smoking or overcoming obesity!

Nearly HALF of all incidences of anxiety include a sense of isolation.

?Perceived isolation and loneliness are negative stressors that activate the hypothalamic- pituitary- adrenocortical axis, or HPA axis. Ok, yes I know that I’m getting a little geeky here, but stay with me and you will see why. The HPA axis is in reference to your adrenal glands, and the way they harmonize together to regulate your internal wellness. Anxiety and isolation, will activate your HPA unnecessarily, and flood your system with hormones that deregulate your metabolic, cardiovascular, and reproductive health. Long-term HPA activation used to be called adrenal fatigue and is well documented for being the root cause of both chronic cardiovascular and psychological health challenges.

It’s interesting to note that diminishing health, as a result of isolation doesn’t necessarily require being alone. It’s very possible to be surrounded by people and still feel separate and disconnected. The isolation and loneliness that contributes to diminished health, in most of these studies – is based on perceived isolation and loneliness, and not actually having to do directly with how exposed the individuals are to social situations.

Individuals can be socially active and still feel disconnected from other people. Individuals can live solitary lives and still feel wholly connected to other people. 

Many people claim to find great health and healing from occasional, purposeful solitude. Solitude can be a wonderful opportunity for introspection and peaceful reflection. Many creatives, artists and visionaries have had their breakthrough ideas while observing solitude. Solitude is not isolation, and being lonely doesn’t mean being alone. Being isolated and lonely is a mindset.

We have the power to boost our health and happiness simply by making an effort to enjoy our relationships with the people in our lives. A gesture as simple as expressing appreciation or asking for help with a difficult challenge can temper your mindset toward feeling more connected. Feeling connected to other people is an inherent biological need, and it’s essential to our overall health.

Connection is a pharmacy.

A survey of 5,000 people, done by the National Bureau of Economic Research, found that doubling your group of friends (in real life, NOT online) has the same effect on emotional well-being as doubling your income.

How fascinating is this? Human Beings have an inherent desire to be close to other people. Have you ever seen the movie Castaway, with Tom Hanks? It’s the story of a man stranded on an island in isolation for several years. While he was stuck there by himself, dealing with the elements and struggling to stay alive, he forged a relationship with a volleyball by drawing a face on it. He began speaking to it as though there was another person there, witnessing him, affirming his own existence, and acknowledging his experiences. His relationship with a volleyball face struck a chord with millions because we all know the truth, isolation is a death sentence. Connection is a Pharmacy.

Our need for company is deeply woven into the very fabric of our existence. And while I wouldn’t recommend drawing faces on inanimate objects for company, the level of inherent need for human interaction really is that necessary for our growth and development.

Maximal Achiever, and human rights activist, David Corbett once wrote: “Character is not created in isolation or repose; it’s forged through interaction with others and the world.”

Now, imagine just barely walking through your door after a long day at the office. 

The house is dark and quiet. You’re absolutely exhausted. 

You just barely got to kick your shoes off when the phone rings. 

It’s your best friend inviting you out for a night on the town.

Man, It’s been a long time since you went out after work, but what really sounds appealing right now… is just throwing on your sweatpants and relaxing on the couch, same as you do every night.

“Come on,” your friend urges, “Let’s just go out and have a nice time.” Despite being tired, 

you say yes, and agree to meet him at a nearby restaurant. 

You arrive to find there are a few other friends who have decided to come out as well. 

You are met warmly with welcoming smiles and genuine handshakes.

“Hey!” 

“So good to see you!” 

“How have you been?”

The evening is full of laughter and stimulating conversation.

You learn that one of your friends is planning a trip to somewhere you’ve been before.

He wants to know about your favorite restaurants and ask you for travel tips.

You have a great time reminiscing about your vacation while your buddy jots down the names of your favorite hot spots. You learn someone at the table just bought a car that you had been considering purchasing yourself. He enthusiastically enjoys answering your questions and gives you the rundown on the pros and cons. Even though you were exhausted when you got home that night, by the end of the evening, you feel more energized than when you left. Not only that, but you wake up the next morning in a great mood!

It may seem contradictory to get an energy boost from such an outing, but connection is a pharmacy, and energy is the antidote. The more effort you put into cultivating meaningful connections with other people, the more deposits of positive energy you will have to withdraw.

When you open your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to the people around you, and invite them to do the same, you create an exchange of positive energy currency.

Such exchanges demonstrate the meaning of life and fulfill an inherent, biological need to connect. Sharing joy is a pleasurable experience, and sharing sorrow can be comforting during difficult times.

I’m reminded of an old proverb: “Shared joy, is double joy; shared sorrow, is half a sorrow.”

Friends are great for sharing experiences, but stable and fulfilling romantic relationships also have a profound impact on our happiness and longevity. While researching human well-being, Professor David Myers found that a deep, caring and intimate relationship is one of the best predictors of happiness. Sharing intimately with a spouse or partner is next-level in terms of valuable connection. A healthy relationship that allows you to really be yourself in all your human glory, will bolster your confidence and allow you to express more complex emotions that you wouldn’t normally share with friends or colleagues. We can learn a lot about ourselves by being close to another person. Knowing oneself is a powerful tool for long-term success. The more effort you put into cultivating meaningful relationships in your life, the happier and more successful you’ll become.

We can even increase the success of our business and our incomes by cultivating more meaningful relationships with our team members.

International CEO, and award-winning author, Margaret Heffernan recently gave an excellent Ted Talk where she stated that: “Investing in the connections among team members both increases productivity and reduces risk.”

Paul J. Meyer, Maximal Achiever and founder of the Success Motivation Institute says “Communication- The Human Connection- is the key to personal and professional success.” A powerful way to connect to your team members in a meaningful way is through appreciation.

It has been my personal experience as the CEO or founder of several successful companies, that a team member who feels appreciated will always do more than expected. Another way that I connect at work is by asking for help. Running nine companies presents a great deal of challenges, and I can only be in so many places at once! I need my team’s support and I let them know it.

By turning to my trusted colleagues for creative solutions, I bring them on-board in ways that give them a sense of ownership and value. When we overcome difficulties in business together, we become fortified as a unit, all striving together toward one common goal. I take the position of a leader very seriously, and I believe it is my responsibility not to create followers, but other leaders. That’s what was given to me by my mentors, and it is my privilege to offer a living display of appreciation by passing that on to my team members today.

Famous entrepreneur, Zig Ziglar says “You don’t build a business. You build people, and then people build the business.” 

Every success I’ve achieved, I achieved through the support of my team: People, working together, combining their energy, and connected by a common goal. Connection is a pharmacy, and energy is the antidote to any challenge.

If you want to get more out of the relationships you have, consider asking for specific kinds of help. When we are of service to one another, we forge connections of trust and build esteem. Show how much you respect, and value your friends, family, and colleagues by simply telling them how much you appreciate their efforts. An excellent way to strengthen your connection at home is to listen, really well. Just listen. And repeat what you hear to make sure your loved one feels understood. These deposits of positive energy will yield not only emotional benefits but long-term health benefits as well.

Take the time today to make a positive energy deposit into one of your connections.

?Make that phone call and set-up that dinner meeting. Share a personal joy or sorrow with someone who can relate and let them offer you support. Give that caring hug or loving kiss. You will feel better, more vibrant and deeply gratified because you will be fulfilling your biological need for connection. The more effort you put into cultivating meaningful relationships in your life, the happier, the healthier and the LONGER you will live!

Thank you all so much for joining me today! I love connecting with my fellow Maximal Achievers as we lead not only ourselves but also those we love and support, toward living The Maximal Life.

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