How to Connect with Your Power

You are powerful.

Seriously. You are. In fact, you have the power to make your dreams come true, and turn your life into everything you want it to be. But I know you don't feel that way most of the time. 

Much of the time it probably feels like you were absent the day they handed out power. (Or at least like you missed the part with instructions on how to use it.) Today I'm going to introduce you to the power you've had your whole life, and this time we're gonna get specific about the how-to-use-it part. 

Power itself is a misunderstood concept. It's sometimes confused with position or wealth. (When I used to think about power, I pictured a bunch of old, fat, white guys, which made it kinda hard to relate.) But that's not what power is. Power is your ability to impact or influence things. And you have that capacity in spades.

There are three foundational building blocks of power. You already use them every day, but there's a pretty good bet you use them unconsciously. They are; what you think, what you say, and what you do. The way you manage these fundamentals forms the basis of your power in the world.  

In this week's episode of GrooveTV I'll teach you how to use your power on purpose. You CAN have more of what you want in your life, (and less of what you don't). Take 5 minutes to learn about these principles, and you won't ever have to feel powerless again. (Think of this like a little workshop on control, right at your fingertips.) Press PLAY already, and let's unleash that power of yours, shall we?

Step 1 - Be FOR you.

We start with what you think. If you're like most women, you have a bully living in your head. This is the voice that tells you what's wrong with you, and reminds you to be scared. It's taken an inventory of your shortcomings, and it uses that loveless laundry list to keep you stuck and small. It's great at telling you why you can't have what you want. This voice is an enemy masquerading as your friend. 

Imagine I'm handing you a muzzle. 

Put the muzzle on the bully. 

You CANNOT beat up on yourself and expect to live an empowered life. It's not possible. (Even if the beating is only happening in your head, and no one else sees it going down.) We need to put your bully to rest. Let's give her a proper send off right now, okay? 

Happily, putting your bully down is not so hard. Her days are numbered as soon as you start paying attention, because we all know what happens when you confront a bully. The coward folds, right? Yours will too.  

Start noticing when your bully starts talking. Catch her in the act. Whose words are you repeating? (Many times the voice will sound like an influential adult from your childhood.) What circumstances put you to bully central? (Usually the bully rears up when you're risking or thinking about going for something big.) 

When she shows up, meet the voice of your bully by saying, "Thank you. No thank you." Then immediately think about what your very best friend would say to you, and say that.  

Do this over and over again. Replace your bully voice with your best friend voice. Do it until your bully grows quiet, and all you can hear is your bestie. What you think matters. Be FOR you.  

Congratulations. You've engaged the first piece of your power triad. The second part is a little bit tougher. But you and your inner best friend can handle it. 

Step 2 - Speak on your own behalf. 

This is the say part. What you say matters. What you don't say matters too. 

There are two components to this step. It's about what you say in your outside voice, and what you hold yourself back from saying in the outside world. 

First, let's revisit that bully inside your head. You can't let her use your mouth or your voice anymore. Do not speak against yourself, or use your own words to keep you down. 

That sounds obvious, right? Of course you don't want to use your own voice to keep you down. It doesn't make any sense when you read it written down like that, does it? But I bet you do it. 

How often do you talk about your shortcomings, deflect compliments, or make jokes at your own expense? These are all ways of speaking against yourself. And if you want to be empowered, you need to knock it off. 

You handle this step just like you manage your bully. Notice it. Catch yourself when you start to use your voice for bad. No beating yourself up when you do. Instead, look at the situation and learn. What's going on around you? Who is around you? What are you afraid of? Why are you playing small?

My grandmother taught me, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Yours probably did too. Grandma was one smart cookie. Follow her advice. Catch yourself when you start to use your own voice against you. When you do, shut your mouth. For real. 

Ironically, the other part of this step asks you to do the exact opposite of closing your mouth. You see there are many circumstances in life that will require you to open those powerful lips of yours and speak up on your own behalf. 

I want you to open your mouth to make requests, set boundaries, share your opinion, and express yourself. No more stuffing, repressing, or going along to get along. Powerful women don't do quiet and accommodating. You are a powerful woman, remember? No more silence. No more acting like you're okay with something when you're not. Use your voice. 

This step takes practice. (So practice.) Speak FOR you. Speak UP for you. Your empowerment depends on it.

Okay, home stretch. 

Step 3 - Line your behavior up with what you want. 

This is the do part. Guess what? What you do matters. What you don't do matters too.

You can have what you want, but you have to work for it. Which means you're gonna need to roll your sleeves up and get into action. There are probably some things you're going to need to start doing (that you haven't been doing or would rather not do), and there are almost certainly some things you're doing right now that you're gonna need to stop doing. (I know. Yuck.) 

You can't behave in a way that conflicts with what you want and hope to get it. 

But when you line your behavior up with what you want, you will make it happen. Every time. The how of this step is simple. You get there by asking and answering two questions. 

• To have what you want, what do you need to START doing?
• To have what you want, what do you need to STOP doing?

Work with truth here. Whatever it is you need to start doing, you can get it done. And you can handle whatever it is that needs to stop as well. You are in charge of you. In fact, by managing what you think, say and do, you put yourself back in complete control. (Thank goodness, right?) 

Practice working with these power building blocks this week. I'll be practicing right along with you. Then talk to me about what's up with you. How does this feel? Are you super excited, or kinda terrified? What little tricks are working for you? Where are you getting tripped up? I want to help. That's why I'm here.

You CAN do this. Whatever is going on in your life right now, you can change it. You can make your life what you want it to be. You have the power my sister. (You've had it this whole time.) Use it now.

That's it for the week. Please remember that I never want you to blindly take my word for anything. Only you know what's right for you. (I just happen to have a few coaching tools that can help you get closer to that wisdom.) Give this week's advice a test drive. Once you do, let me know how it goes. I love hearing from you! There are four ways for us to interact.

• Comment in the comments section below.
• Chat with me on Instagram or Facebook.
• Email me if you have something more private you'd like to ask. My personal email is [email protected]. I'm the only one reading your messages, and it's always me answering them.
• Join me on FB Live for a free coaching session every other Wednesday at 12:30PT (next week). I give a live workshop, and answer your questions about the latest episode of GrooveTV. The best part is that we get to connect live, which is so much fun!  

My mission is your empowerment. That's why I'm here. If you haven't already joined my community, please do it at my website (www.kimberlyfulcher.com). I'll send you free weekly coaching, and we'll get your groove back together.

 Until we meet again, know that life is happening for you.

You got this!

Kim