How to Connect With Influencers (Without Being a Pain)

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I believe it was Jim Rohn who said it first.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

While I'm not suggesting that you kick your current friends and family to the curb, what I am suggesting is that if you want to be seen as an influencer, you need to start spending time with other influencers.

I know. Easier said than done.

But with all of the tools you have at your fingertips like LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and just the Internet in general, finding and getting the attention of an influencer is actually quite easy. Keeping it and building something deeper than “fanboy” or “fangirl” status without being annoying is where it gets a bit tricky.

So, before you do something that you’re going to regret, here are a few tips that will help you connect with any influencer in any industry without being seen as a nuisance.

Know Your Why

Start with a strong “why.” The reason most influencers are influential is because they are really good at what they do. They are smart. Well connected. Talented. And they work incredibly hard. It’s really easy to see all of that as a potential opportunity for you to “get” something. But don’t. Instead see the time spent with an influencer as a challenge for you to grow into a bigger and better person.

See Them Differently

Stop putting influencers on some weird pedestal as if they are a demigod and start seeing them as ordinary people. They are human. Just like you. They work hard. They want to do something that matters. They have bills to pay. They love their families. They get stressed out. And sometimes they want to be left alone. Be respectful of that by giving them a little wiggle room to be in a bad mood, unresponsive or not interested in helping you. It’s nothing personal. They are often inundated with requests in addition to everything else going on in their world. Imagine how you might feel if after a long day at work you came home to a mob of people that wouldn’t let you shut off for a few minutes.

Give First

Think about all of the requests an influencer must get in a day. Individually, they may seem small and insignificant, but when added up it’s more of a full time job to take care of everyone’s needs. And one way to make sure you don’t grab their attention is by being one more “ask” clogging up their inbox. Start building a relationship with them by giving first. Do something valuable for them. It could be as simple as buying their book and giving them a positive review. Or pointing out an error you found on their website. Or offering your services for free if it’s something they need. There’s only one catch. Give with no strings attached. The cost of giving is the price you pay towards building a relationship.

Be an Active Participant

Read their book. Recommend their product. Comment on their blog. Share their post. Do something that adds to the conversation within their community. Not because you see an opportunity to link back to your website or poach their audience. But because you genuinely have something to say that will help further engage them and their people. Over time, they will begin to recognize your name and the value you bring whenever you show up in their feed or in their inbox.

Don’t Waste Their Time

Eventually, the time will come when it’s appropriate for you to ask for something. And when you do, don’t waste their time. Keep your request to 100 words or less. Don’t attempt to be overly clever or cryptic in your message in an attempt to sugarcoat it. Get right to the point and be clear about what you need and what they will have to do. The easier you make it for them the more likely they are to agree to help you.

Think Long-Term

Simple asks like “Can you share my post on Twitter?” or “What do you think of my new website?” are the digital equivalent of a fly buzzing around an influencers head. It’s annoying. More than that, it’s small thinking. If garnering a few extra visitors to your site is the only value you see from someone who is standing at the top of the proverbial ladder of your industry, it’s going to be that much more difficult to ask for something more significant. Hold off on asking until you have something worth asking for. Like a review of your book or an interview for your podcast.

Don’t Be Negative

When reaching out for any reason, never start with “Sorry to waste your time, but…” If you see yourself as waste of their time, I promise you that they will as well. Either rethink your request if you truly think it is a waste of time or reword your ask in such a way that they aren’t going to immediately think you are wasting their time.

Give Them an Easy Way Out

Make it easy for them to say “no” to whatever it is that you are requesting of them. I know that may sound counterintuitive, however, in case you forgot, we are thinking long-term. If they are not able to help you right now, it could be because they are on vacation. Or perhaps they signed a new client. Or maybe they are just burned out and need a break. Give them that space to decline your request without them feeling as though they are letting you down or are at risk at losing a solid member of their tribe.

Connect on Something Else

Not everything has to be about work. In fact, it’s often nice to connect with someone on anything but work. Are you both musicians? Do you like the same sports team? Do you live in the same area? What are some things you have in common that you connect on? Figure out what they are and start bringing them into the conversation. Think about it. You don’t just talk shop with your close friends. You have other interests together. The same rules apply here.

Don’t Be Starstruck

Influencers want to hang out with other people that lift them up as well. That’s why so many influencers hang out with other influencers. It’s because they are challenged by their peer group instead of just being admired by it. Asking for autographs or having that awkward twinkle in your eye every time you see them will not put you on the same playing field as them. You become a fan rather than a friend. And while fans are great, friends are much better.

Acknowledge Them

If you are better off today than you were yesterday because of their influence, acknowledge them for it. It’s irrelevant as to whether it came at the hands of a personal interaction, something they wrote or something they said. Everyone likes a deserved pat on the back. Especially those who are constantly putting themselves out there wondering if what they are doing is making a difference. Letting them know they somehow changed your life is the best way you can repay them for it.

I probably could have saved a whole bunch of words and just suggested that you should treat other influencers as you would want to be treated. Because guess what. No matter where you are on the ladder of your industry, there is someone out there who sees you as an influencer. There is someone out there who could use your help. There is someone out there trying to figure out the best way to reach out to you.

So, the absolute best way to connect with influencers is to just be one to those who need you.

Marc Ensign is the "Big Cheese" at LoudMouse, an authority marketing agency that specializes in transforming speakers, authors, coaches and entrepreneurs into influencers and experts in their industry.