How To Connect With Anyone: Serving The Server

After entering the appropriate numbers, waiting to be connected, listening to the recorded message (“this call may be recorded…”), a live person came on the line. After her requisite stating of the company (again), one more security check question and sharing her name (Helen), we got to it.

I was calling a credit card company to waive the annual fee. The fee is charged for the benefits to card holders should they be flying. Right now, I’m not flying anywhere so the benefits are moot to the use of my card.

As Helen and I started to converse, the typical conversation unfolded:

• She asked me what I needed help with.
• I tell her I’d like to have the annual fee waived.
• She tells me that I’ll need to call back once the fee is posted at the end of the month.
• I ask if there’s any way to do it before it’s charged, to avoid it altogether?
• She replied, No – you’ll need to call back after it’s posted since it’s out of her control.

While I’d challenge that it shouldn’t be the case, I realize it’s not her final decision and that I will in fact call back to address it. May as well be kind and respectful in the conversation and there’s never a reason to be rude!

So far, it’s a pretty impersonal transactional-based conversation.

She’s polite and what we loosely call ‘professional.’ It’s a pretty benign experience, one most of us are used to.

Then, everything starts changing.

We start connecting.

I ask her where she’s working from; she tells me LA.

Then I ask her if she’s been to Southern Oregon, where I currently live. Since she’s verified my address, it’s a simple relevant opening question that’s excellent for connecting.

She tells me she’s been through here, though not to here in a long while – and that she thinks it’s all beautiful.

We proceed to talk about geography and she shares she likes LA since it’s warm. “It’s 50 degrees today and it feels cold to me! I like the heat.” We laugh. We’ve connected.

She asks me the necessary questions to complete my 2nd request of the day and I supply the answers. While waiting to get some of the answer with some fast finger texting with a colleague, she’s patient and isn’t making me feel rushed and I can tell we’re both enjoying the conversation. We keep the friendly banter going as an easy, not forced pace – she knows I’m waiting to get the info.

Once I get the info, I share it with her. She repeats what we completed and offers a few insights. I repeat the earlier information she shared, making sure I’m clear on what I will have to do to take care of that task. She affirms and we’re ostensibly set and done.

As we wrap up the call, I ask her, “Is there anything I can be doing for you today?”

It’s a question I ask everyone who helps me, both on the phone and in-person. It usually gets a smile and laugh and a ‘no thanks’. I’m offering to serve them in return.

I love this part. Because the person I’m calling is in the zone of taking care of me, they don’t anticipate anyone offering to help them.

The offer is sincere and I love it when people do (rarely) share something, though it’s usually slightly joking. All the same, I’ve extended the same courtesy they’re giving me: to be of service.

Start doing this: Practice serving the server (if you aren’t already).

It’s so simple to connect. Awareness and a desire to do so are your best friends to bring to every conversation in so doing. Start the practice by starting. The next time you call to get a question answered, engage. Find the common ground we all share.

In so doing, you improve someone else’s day (week, month…) and yours as well.

There is always more common ground we share then differences we may have.

My Fine Husband tells me I’m so good at this – at seeing people as people; at engaging and talking with them. As overlooking them as bots or nameless beings. As real people who have real lives and inviting them to engage. We can and should all do this, since it has a substantial positive impact for all of us.

It’s what we need right now and always. Human Connection.

In an era where disconnect and loneliness is epidemic, we have it in our power to reverse and eliminate a big part of this malady. Since we’ve created it, we can dismantle it as well. One interaction, one conversation, one intentional interaction at a time. Dr. Vivek Murthy’s book lays it out as well. 

Human Connection isn’t complex. It’s simple.

Does it take work?

Yes, effort, energy, intention, practice. Simple is different than easy.

The great news is that we are, as a species, uniquely poised to be capable of these things.

Think of connecting like a muscle. If it’s out of practice, it’ll take effort. It may feel uncomfortable or even painful at first. Then, as you literally work it out, your muscles of connection will gain strength, you’ll find what works well, what’s not so helpful and find invigoration and true human connection.

I’d like to say it’s magic. Though it’s not, it can feel like it and that’s what we can focus on as we put ourselves forward in our connecting efforts.

It’s extending a part of you – your grace, time and attention – to acknowledge and help another person know they are seen, valued, heard and worthwhile. That you care.

It’s actively engaging – both people, for the record. Connecting requires mutual interaction.

When I can help you improve your human connection skills, call on me. It’s exactly what I teach leaders and teams in companies, associations, memberships, alumni groups and clubs.

Ginger Johnson, Human Connection Expert

The Art of Connecting

Speaker | Trainer | Dinner Parties | Author, Connectivity Canon

World HQ +1 515 450 7757

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