How to confidently turn around a “No”

Welcome to Quick Confidence! This weekly letter delivers a spritz of stories, tips and simple actions that will build your confidence and your power. Each “quickie” bolsters confidence in your body, mind, and relationships so you can lead yourself and others to greatness. 

A few years ago I was hard at work on my second book when I got an out-of-the-blue call from a global tech company. They asked if I’d like to interview to be — are you ready for this?? — their global spokesperson! 

I was so excited I couldn’t contain myself. I prepped like crazy and went to the in-person interview in New York City. A few weeks later I got one of those polite emails: “Stay in touch – but we’re going to pass.” 

Oooof. Yes it stung. Yes I needed to lick my wounds. But a week later, I decided to take them at their word to stay in touch. 

I pitched them an idea for a different collaboration: co-producing a study on professionals’ self-advocacy habits, timed with the launch of my book, Pushback. And they agreed!

The result of the partnership was a co-designed, worldwide survey, which garnered exciting results and media interest. They even engaged a major PR firm and made me the spokesperson of the study!

“No” is rarely the end of the story. 

What’s a NO you’ve received? Did you turn it around? Do you wish you had? Let me know in the comments!

Quick Confidence to turn a “No” into a “Yes”:

1. Embodied: Create pockets of silence in high-stakes conversations. Ask clearly, then wait seven seconds to let your ask sink in and to show that you stand behind it. Another key moment to be silent is right after you hear the other side’s answer. This will usually push your counterpart to give more reasons, sometimes even causing them to back out of their position and come up with a totally new response. Using silence in these moments is safe and smart. It can buy you more time to gather your thoughts and prevent you from agreeing to something you hate. And I promise, it doesn’t look as strange as you might think! When you’re silent, you come across as engaged – like you’re considering or deliberating on a point. What a great way to level the power.
2. Interpersonal: Elevate your “I” actions. When pitching your ideas, make sure that the words you use raise your stature, not undercut it. Phrase your ideas in succinct terms like “I recommend, I propose, I expect, I question, I urge, I advise.” These are strong actions we associate with leaders. Use them. 
3. Mindset: Every time your confidence takes a hit, bring it back to YOU. Victim mode has us telling ourselves (and others) that THEY are blocking us, slowing us down, punishing us, or hurting our progress. Ask yourself instead, "What can I do right now to improve this situation just a little bit?" Focus on a small doable task that's in your control. It'll remind you of the potency of your power!

Which Quick Confidence tip will you practice this week? Let me know in the comments! I've shared my favorite there.

My self-advocacy course equips you to be, well, your own self-advocate! You’ll learn how to amplify your voice by being prepared for obvious and less obvious scenarios. Discover how to recognize opportunities to back yourself, just like I shared in my 'turn their no into a yes' story. Click here to get the course.