How To Be Confident at Work Without Being Arrogant

Confidence and arrogance are easily conflated, given that they both stem from self-esteem. However, confidence is a result of high self-esteem and self-awareness, whereas arrogance comes from a lack of self-worth. Knowing how to be more confident at work requires understanding how arrogance poorly affects others and yourself.?

By Mariah Flores

There’s a fine line between being confident in the workplace and being arrogant.?

You must learn how to walk it because realistically no one wants to work with that cocky coworker who acts like they know it all or are better than others. Easier said than done, right?

I spoke with Melody Wilding, LMSW , an award-winning executive coach for sensitive strivers. She is all about not sacrificing who you are or burning out in the process — which the current “quiet quitting ” trend has brought back to the forefront of our minds. Wilding shares her expert guidance to navigate the subtlety that is confidence versus arrogance.

Defining Confidence and Arrogance

Having confidence, in any aspect of life, is difficult, especially when it isn’t an innate trait. Sometimes it can be hard to understand how confidence shows up at work.

Previously on #GetHired Live, entrepreneur and New York Times bestselling author Mel Robbins shares, “Confidence is the willingness to try. Confidence does not mean that you have this incredible rockstar belief. Confidence does not mean that you are fearless and that you are never afraid.”

And this confidence is built through action. You must be willing to try because whether you fail or succeed, the lessons you learn will only make you less nervous, thus growing your confidence.

You can start practicing confidence at practically any moment, including changing your workplace communication style .

For Wilding, true confidence is about having an appreciation of your abilities and assurance in your potential that's rooted in strong self-worth.?

“While arrogance is needing to convince yourself and others that you're good at what you do, confidence is being secure in your strengths, but fully aware of your weaknesses,” she says.

“It means you're open-minded and willing to hear new ideas, you admit your mistakes, you listen to others, you voice your opinions respectfully, advocate for your needs, and that you celebrate yourself and others.”

And, this confidence is often quiet, subtle, and understated. You’re practicing confidence in action, per Robbins’ recommendation, but you’re not flaunting it.?

It’s natural … not forced, as opposed to arrogance.

“Arrogance is a sense of superiority that's actually rooted in low self-worth and insecurity,” says Wilding. She notes that arrogant people are usually:

• "Know-it-alls" who lack emotional intelligence
• Condescending, rude and refuse to admit mistakes
• Those who center themselves by endlessly pontificating, putting others down to lift themselves up, disregarding feedback and dismissing other people's opinions

Now, being self-confident and sure of yourself is not arrogance.?

But once you start vocalizing your internal sureness is where trouble can arise, especially if you do so by dismissing others or feel a need to blatantly prove yourself and your worth in the workplace.?

Again, confidence is typically subtle and people can tell when you’re forcing it.

Arrogance v.s. Confidence in the Workplace

As you work to be more confident, I also want to highlight the negative effects of arrogance in the workplace and why it’s so important to steer away from such behavior.?

According to Psychology Today , “subordinates who have more arrogant leaders rate their environment less favorably and experienced lower levels of morale/job satisfaction and experienced higher levels of burnout .”

Arrogant leaders (and any employee really) quickly become unapproachable and can easily lead to talent retention struggles . As the saying goes, “people quit bosses, not companies”, so it’s integral to be a good leader , sans arrogance.

On the other hand, confident leaders inspire trust in their team, writes BetterUp . “They can receive constructive feedback without getting defensive. Their self-awareness as leaders actually gives them a sense of inner calm.” The platform notes that confident individuals have:?

• Positive self-image and assertiveness
• Strong sense of both their strengths and areas for improvement
• Higher self-efficacy, better decision-making skills, and are more creative problem solvers

The two traits and related behaviors stem from the way a person feels about themselves (self-esteem), so it’s easy to conflate them.

“Confidence gets a bad wrap,” Wilding says. “Many of us are conditioned from a young age to believe we should be demure with statements like, ‘no one likes a braggart’ or ‘don't be too big for your britches.’”

“We're awarded for being quiet, following the rules and staying in our place. But this mentality doesn't serve us in today's hyper-competitive world where if you don't take charge of your career, no one else will.”?

Confidence is a necessary trait for any successful professional, so how can you build it while toeing the line of non-arrogance?

Being Confident at Work

Thankfully, confidence can be built at any point during your career. Likewise, arrogance can be curbed at any career stage.?

Wilding shares one of her favorite tools for being confident and not arrogant, starting with the "we-then-me" model of sharing accomplishments.

This model is perfect for team projects or collaborations, where you not only highlight your wins, but also those of the team.“Start out by sharing how the team contributed to a success, then share your part,” Wilding says.

“We-then-me” Model Example: “The new website launched last week and the team really pulled together to get everything up on time. Abe and Maria tested all of the features. We're getting great feedback so far. I also took the extra step to write up a month's worth of content so we're ahead of our production schedule.”

Additionally, she says to not be afraid to admit when you don’t know something or a certain subject falls outside of your area of expertise.

“It's completely okay to respond to a question with, ‘Let me do some research and get back to you on that’ or to say, ‘My colleague would be a much better person to work with you on this’ when someone makes a request.”

An arrogant individual may act like they have the answer to every question or problem when in reality, they don’t. This behavior and inability to be authentic could cause further problems or delays down the line.

Finally, I want to circle back to Robbins’ point of confidence built through action. Even when you don’t feel the most confident at work, try and take action.?

Don’t wait for confidence to strike, because then you’ll be waiting forever.

“Let go of the belief that you have to feel confident to take action. Reverse the equation: take action and you will feel confident,” says Wilding.?

“This doesn't mean you have to do one thing today that scares you, but it does mean you have to challenge yourself. Send that email you've been putting off, or raise your hand to share an idea that's not 100% formed.”

Top Takeaways?

Confidence is all about being self-aware and a good team player. Arrogance is the opposite:?

• Confidence is built through action, so practice it in little ways each day.
• Arrogance stems from a place of low self-esteem and a need to feel superior.
• Practice confidence without arrogance by understanding your strengths/weaknesses, listening to others, and being open to feedback.