How to be confident after failure

Is it possible to be confident after failure?

Long story short … YES. It is totally possible to be confident after failure.

But how can you regain your confidence after failure?

The answer to this question is the long story part. But I’ve got the insights and knowledge to help you regain your confidence, one step at a time, no matter what you did or what happened to you.

Let’s face it. Failure sucks. It feels bad, it makes us question ourselves, and it has a sinister way of seeping into different parts of our lives.

This isn’t the most fun topic to read about, but it’s an important one.

I want you to know that you CAN be confident after failure.

I’m going to give you 15 valuable tips for overcoming failure. If you implement these insights into your life, you will become more confident and equipped in facing any challenge that life throws at you.

Tip #1 – Reach Out To Your Loved Ones

Failure sucks, and it’ll pull you down for a while.

So when you experience failure and you feel your confidence drop, PICK UP the phone and call your family. Your closets friends. Talk to them, hang out with them, and spend quality time with them. Get out of your own head for a bit and lean on your family and friends for support. 

You don’t even need to talk about your failure or what you’re feeling, especially if it’s uncomfortable. Just spend time with your loved ones to get some joy and positivity into your mind, to take you away from your thoughts for a bit.

Tip #2 – Do Something Fun!

What do you like to do? Pick ONE thing you like to do, then go out and do it. Today. 

Not tomorrow. Not this weekend. TODAY.

Are you an outdoor enthusiast? Go out on a hike!

Are you an avid golfer? Go out to the range and get some swings in!

And if you’re not in the mood to be out and about after your failure … Netflix is available at your home 24/7! Rewatch an episode of your favorite show. Or read a new book. Anything fun you want to do in the comfort of your home … do it! Get some joy and positivity into your head.

Tip #3 – Do Something You’re Good At

You’ve got some positivity flowing into your brain now, but obviously you’re still feeling the sting of failure and don’t know where to start in getting your mojo back.

What are you good at? There has to be at least ONE thing you’re good at.

Are you good at singing? Sing the latest song that’s been on your mind lately. Record your voice and listen to all the notes you’re able to hit.

Are you good at giving advice? The next time one of your friends asks you for advice, give them the best damn advice you can give them. And ask them if your advice is helpful.

You probably won’t think your singing is all that great right now. You probably won’t think your advice is all that it’s cracked up to be. But you’re still doing something you’re good at, getting immediate feedback on it, and you’re letting yourself put something new out into the world. 

Tip #4 – Build Momentum

Do a couple more things you’re good at. If you’re only good at one thing, then do that one thing multiple times. Sing five songs. Give five different friends some solid advice. 

Just do whatever you’re good at, but do it more than once. Do it three or four times.

You’ll start building back your confidence as you focus on what you’re good at, which is something you probably already enjoy doing. Let the dopamine, the positivity, and the immediate feedback flow through your veins. The more things you do that you’re good at, the more negative thoughts you’ll replace with positive ones.

Tip #5 – Don’t Set Expectations

You’re starting to feel a little better by doing things you’re good at, things that you enjoy, and interacting with your loved ones. Do NOT put all your progress to waste by setting unrealistic expectations for yourself.

Some failure is short-lived. Other failures are larger and take more time to recover from.

Don’t expect immediate recovery. And don’t expect your first few momentum-building actions to get your confidence back. You’ll only disappoint yourself more. You’re already disappointed by your failure, so don’t do anything else that will disappoint you further.

Tip #6 – Talk It Out

You’re feeling the suck of failure. And you’re starting to feel some good vibes from hanging out with loved ones, doing some fun things, and enjoying things you’re good at.

You’ve felt a lot, and you’ve started taking small, tangible action to put you in a better place, mentally and emotionally. 

Now I encourage you to open up to someone. Your girlfriend. Your mom or dad. Your closest friend. 

I want you to rip off the Band-Aid. When you talk it out, you REALLY make your feelings tangible. You’ll make your failure tangible as well. Your failure will stop being the ghost that haunts you, and it’ll turn into a real target that you can shoot down. Now you can acknowledge your failure, get it out in the open, and take MASSIVE action to get your confidence back.

Tip #7 – Everybody Fails

Do NOT hold back when you’re talking it out. It’s tempting to breeze over your failure and avoid talking about it, since you might think it makes you look weak or inadequate.

When you start opening up about your failure, I want you to remember that EVERYBODY fails. We’re all humans, and we ALL fail. 

A lot, actually. It’s a part of life. If you go into your “failure” conversations with this perspective, you’ll be able to open up more easily and get ALL parts of your failure out in the open. Not just the softer parts or the less uncomfortable parts.

You’ll be surprised by how the other person responds. You could get encouragement. You could get a hug. You could get the other person to open up about one of his or her failures. But the other person will ABSOLUTELY understand failure, and will be able to relate to you and help you … if you ask for it.

Tip #8 – Look At Why You Failed

Now that your failure is out in the open and tangible, it’ll start feeling a little less stressful and overwhelming. 

Take the next step and look at WHY you failed. Remember that special someone you opened up to about your failure? If you feel comfortable enough, ask THAT person why they think you failed as well. It’s always good to get an outside, more objective perspective.

Did you fail because you lacked information? Did you lack a skill? Did you fall short in networking with the right people to land your dream job?

Look deep into why you failed, so you can identify what needs to be changed to prevent this type of failure in the future.

Tip #9 – Skill Up

Now that you know why you failed, DO something to get better at whatever you’re lacking.

If it’s a lack of information or knowledge, sign up for an online course to educate yourself.

If it’s a lack of skill, something like writing or marketing, there are PLENTY of tools out there that you can use to develop your skills.

Whatever you’re lacking in, take action to get better at it.

Yes, it might bring back feelings of failure at first. “At first” being the optimal wording. If you keep at it, you’ll actually get BETTER at what you lacked, and your confidence will FINALLY start to recover. Whatever it is that took away your confidence in the first place, NOW you’re starting to overcome it and reclaim what’s yours … which is your CONFIDENCE!

And don’t forget to keep doing things that you enjoy and that you’re good at. It’s SO important to keep your spirits high and your dopamine up, especially as you start working on improving the skills you once lacked. And as you improve these skills, your failure will become irrelevant and your confidence will build itself up.

Tip #10 – Shut Up

That’s right, you read this tip correctly. Shut up!

As you skill up, I want you to make your self-doubt SHUT UP. When you start attacking your weaknesses that caused your failure initially, you’ll begin to realize just how bad these weaknesses are. Your self-doubt, your negative thoughts, and your fears will start to kick into overdrive and try to keep you in a state of mental failure.

I need you to shut off all those negative voices right now. I want you to have one mantra that you tell yourself over and over – “I can do this, I’m going to do this, and I AM doing this.” 

When you replace your negative thoughts with this mantra, you’ll empower yourself to focus on skilling up, getting better every day, and turning failure into success. 

Make those voices of self-doubt SHUT UP. Their time is long gone. Now it’s your time to get a little better, day by day, and build your confidence gradually as you improve your skills.

Tip #11 – Be Patient

You read earlier about the dangers of setting expectations too early.

Now I want you to know how important it is to be PATIENT.

It takes time to skill up. Don’t expect to master your weaknesses overnight. 

Seek out the small, daily improvements.

Make sure to celebrate these improvements – you’ll keep your dopamine levels up, motivate yourself to keep going, and you’ll skill yourself up sooner rather than later.

Tip #12 – Put Your Skill To Use

You’ve been working on your weaknesses. You’ve been keeping your thoughts positive. And you’ve been slowly, but surely, rebuilding your confidence.

Remember when we ripped off the Band-Aid of failure, which allowed you to open up about your failure to someone else?

Now, we’re going to heal your wound. No more bleeding. No more pain.

We’re going to have new skin replace the dead skin, and your inflicted area is going to look even better NOW than it did before you failed in the first place.

Here’s the golden ticket: Heal your wound by putting your new skill to use.

Have you been working on writing? The next time your boss asks someone to communicate something to a potential client, raise your hand and WRITE that communication.

Have you been working on public speaking? The next time your work group needs to present its findings to an executive committee, raise your hand and deliver a hell of a presentation!

Once you put your new skill to use, your confidence will be at an all-time high. You’ve identified your weakness. You’ve worked on it. And now, you’ve actually USED your new skill professionally and publicly.

THAT is the definition of confidence. Just like you talked about your failure openly, now you’re showing your improvement openly. Your ability to implement your skill, especially in front of others, displays your new-found confidence and does wonders for your self-esteem going forward. 

You’ve finally got your confidence back! Now build on it, use it as momentum, and let your confidence SOAR as you take on new challenges and opportunities!

Tip #13 – Setup A Support System

When you were rebounding from failure and battling self-doubt, you reached out to loved ones and eventually opened up to someone.

To continue building your confidence and prepare for future challenges, you need to cultivate a support system.

Make a support system full of positive, loving, and thoughtful people. These people can be in your family, some of your closest friends, or even an acquaintance at work.

What’s important is that you can communicate regularly and openly with your support system. Positive, thoughtful people will help keep you in a positive headspace and pick you up when feelings of self-doubt reappear from time to time.

Tip #14 - Reflect On The Journey

There’s no magic pill to recovering your confidence after failure. There’s rarely a clear point in time where you can identify precisely when you regained your confidence or when you started to become even MORE confident than ever before.

And that’s totally okay.

When you feel like you’re in a good place mentally, with your new skill already in use, your confidence starting to boost, and your support system in place, take a little time to think about your journey.

Think about your initial failure. Think about what you did to start gaining your confidence back. Think about learning your new skill. 

When you reflect on your journey, from your initial starting point to where you are now, you can better appreciate your progress and your regained confidence. You’ll become more self-aware, more confident in how much you’ve developed, and equip yourself to maneuver future failures a little more smoothly. Failure will always suck, but if you get progressively better at overcoming failure, you’ll become that much more confident in your ability to bounce back and get back to success.

Tip #15 - View Failure As Future Success

Your entire journey, from failure to regaining your confidence, is really about turning a weakness into a strength. It’s about overcoming your own self-doubt and putting in the work to rebuild your self-esteem and move forward in your life.

In those dark times where your self-doubt is really low, or you don’t know where to turn, I want you to remind yourself that you WILL come out of this, and that you WILL be a success.  In fact, you can look back at a past failure and remind yourself that if you overcome that failure, you can DEFINITELY overcome this one.

If you view failure as future success, you’ll be more motivated to skill up, open up to people, and find the light at the end of the tunnel. By looking at failure as impending success, you’re automatically spinning failure in a more positive light and giving yourself a goal to achieve. 

Viewing failure as future success will naturally set you up for success. It will help you keep perspective as you battle self-doubt, and it will help you regain confidence more quickly. And when you do see success from overcoming your failure, your confidence will soar and keep you motivated to reach your desired level of success.

There you have it! 15 tips to help you be confident after failure.

Reach out to your loved ones. Do something fun. Do something you’re good at.

Build momentum. Don’t set expectations. Talk it out.

Understand that everyone fails. Look at why you failed. Skill up.

Shut up. Be patient. Put your skill to use.

Setup a support system. Reflect on your journey. And finally, view your failure as a future success.

As you go through your journey in overcoming failure, let your actions gain momentum and your confidence build over time!