How to Communicate your Boundaries

Hi there,

I can still remember the moment I realised I had been doing boundaries all wrong.

It was many years ago, over coffee with a friend. We got on to the topic of boundaries at work.

“Don’t get me started...” I said, before relaying the (ahem) transgressions of my then team:

• ?? Contacting me outside of working hours!
• ?? Interrupting me when I'm in the zone!
• ?? Inviting me to 8am meetings, when I have a class at that time!

?“Well….” she hesitated, presumably eyeing up the nearest exit in case I didn’t take kindly to what she was about to say…”these boundaries might be clear to you but, have you ever pointed them out to your colleagues?”

A boundary is an imaginary line, with a very real function –? to protect your

• time
• energy (that’s physical, mental and emotional)
• & your focus

Boundaries between work and home used to be pretty well defined (remember all that going to an office every day from 9 – 5?).

Now it’s on us to draw our own boundaries.?But we sometimes forget a crucial step:

Once we have drawn our boundaries, we need to show people what they are.?

Here are some ideas that might help…

1.?? Get specific

Remember your imaginary line is invisible to other people. You have to spell it out for them.

?? Pro-tip: Give specific parameters. Like: “I do the school run every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday so I can only make meetings after 9.30 on those days”.

2.?? Give solutions

Give your colleagues solutions about how to interact with you around the boundaries you draw.

?? Pro-tip: Let others know when you're not available but always follow it up with a suggestion for when you are. Like: “I can’t read Slack messages after 6pm. If it's urgent give me a call. If not, I'll be all over it first thing in the morning”.

3.?? Find common language

Find a language to communicate about your imaginary lines with each other. When we all have different preferences for how we work, misunderstandings can crop up pretty easily. A common language can help, even add a bit of levity to the situation.

?? Pro-tip: Get together as a group and come up with little catchphrases that help you communicate your working preferences with each other. Like referring to the different aspects of your life as modes you switch between: “I’ll be activating home mode shortly…”.

Start with something you all do already – like agreeing on the way you word your out-of-office responses. (Remember you can use these any time you know you're going to be unavailable to respond to emails. Don't just save them up for when you are on leave).

Take a moment now to think through what you’d like to communicate about how you work best and how to open this conversation with your team.

I’d love to hear how you get on.

Bye for now,

Erin

PS: You might also hear about Interpersonal boundaries. And this refers to the line we draw around the behaviour we tolerate in others. When people feel they need to draw these boundaries, a good place to start this work would be in a therapeutic or one-to-one coaching setting.

This newsletter is part of a series to help you find ways to change your experience of?work?for the?better. Subscribe and you'll find it in your inbox every month.

And if you'd like to check out more ideas about how to make work better, take a look at my courses on LinkedIn Learning here .