How to Communicate Without Crossing the (Culture) Line

Do you find yourself in danger of crossing the thin culture line of being too directive where you risk offending, losing clients, customers, direct reports, team members or not speaking up enough and being seen as not contributing enough? I want to simplify the process for you and partner with you to sharpen your culturally intelligent communication edge to #unlockallpotential and contribute to a more civil, peaceful and prosperous world.

At our EthicalCoach Leadership Coaching Summit in Ethiopia as well as coaching leaders and teams globally, I have found that female leaders walk the same exceptionally fine line in Ethiopia or anywhere in the world as they do in my own US state. They might be asked or feel compelled to speak up more, yet may drowned out by male voices or even criticized for speaking up too much, which challenges inner peace.

Our solution to how to communicate without crossing the culture line and losing business is based on our acronym for being appropriately DIRECT:

• Deals with Uncertainty
• uses Intuition
• Recognizes and manages Cultural Differences
• Expands Perspectives
• Clear, Culturally Intelligent, “Compassionate Edge” Feedback & Communication
• Transforms through Metaphors

In our VUCCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Culturally Complex and Ambiguous) world we crave certainty. Yet besides the danger of moving to being too directive (decreasing ownership, results and impact), some confuse being direct with being rude (what is respectful for one culture may be considered rude in another), which may result in losing clients, business, direct reports; with a negative effect on the bottom line. Others may bully people and try to excuse it by calling it “direct”.

“Uses language appropriate and respectful to the client” (ICF) is the opposite of bullying, and varies according to culture. The definition and behaviors associated with peace building respect vary from culture to culture.

Look for DIRECT in this coaching example:

“I want to know how to convince them of the truth! (they are wrong)!” the leader told me in our initial coaching session, when I asked him to give me an example of his goals of improved negotiation and partnerships.

Alarms sounded in my head! How was this leader able to shift his approach for better results?

I invited a shift, Expansion of perspective in this Western European leadership coaching client. Knowing he was working in South America, I asked about cultural differences. Specifically I asked how direct he thought his communication was and how direct he thought his South American partners were.

This proved to be key to this leader moving from the place of seeing his beliefs and culturally direct communication as right and others’ as wrong, to accepting and even adapting to cultural differences. He was able to see beneath the surface of behaviors, business practices and customs that he found irritating and frustrating at first to underlying beliefs, values and resulting differences in communication style (direct to indirect) as well as pace.

At the conclusion of our coaching engagement, this client shared what he had learned from our coaching: “Speak less, listen more, try to understand. View with the eyes of someone else (empathy): asking what, how questions (modeled by his coach!). Like game of chess.” (Transforms through metaphors)

As a Leadership, Executive, Team Coach, Retreat Leader and Coaching Supervisor, I see some coaches and leaders struggling to find the balance between being too directive or too indirect, not recognizing how crucial awareness and communication about culture is.

Research supports that the best results occur when our clients and/or direct reports come up with their own ideas and solutions rather than our telling them what to do/being too directive. (This can work in personal relationships as well!)

“The coach (or leader!) creates sufficient space for the client to have equal or more communication time than the coach,” is one of the expectations of Master Certified Coach (MCC) level Direct Communication. And it works for everyone-balance the amount of time you are communicating with allowing space and time for others to communicate.

I notice a big difference in beginning (asking lots of questions) and more experienced coaches in this regard, and it was one of my reasons for developing our CQ (Culturally Intelligent) programs and materials.

Cultural identities can include gender and nationality as mentioned as well as generation, ethnicity, region, religion, etc. Check yourself, coaches and leaders, on how you are demonstrating cultural intelligence through the following three competencies for greater impact:

• Exemplifying awareness of the impact of culture on self and others as we form partnerships with stakeholders, clients, customers, within teams for greater success
• Exploring others’ cultural identities, environment, experiences, values and beliefs so they feel completely understood, that they belong, are accepted
• Demonstrating respect for the others identities, perceptions, style and language and adapting ours to theirs, acknowledging their uniqueness, giving us a common language, enhancing communication, understanding while decreasing potential misunderstandings and unnecessary, costly conflict.*

Leaders, want to check in on how you, your team and organization can communicate without crossing the culture line to avoid loss of business and talent, and increase your impact? Schedule an #UnlockAllPotential Session with me here to explore how we might work together to #UnlockALLPotential so all can live in prosperity and peace with cultural intelligence, through leadership and team coaching, retreats.

Coaches, schedule an #UnlockAllPotential Session with me here to explore how we might work together to #UnlockALLPotential so all can live in prosperity and peace with cultural intelligence, through coaching supervision and retreats.

You are in good hands-I am known as a clear, concise, culturally intelligent direct communicator sharpened by coaching United Nations and other global leaders and teams, serving on the ICF Global Board of Directors and mentoring, training and supervising coaches since 1998 in 40+ countries.

To our potential, prosperity and peace-we are in this together!

Thanks and see you next week,

Marilyn O’Hearne, MSW, MCC, LLC; CQ Master Certified Coach, International Coach Federation

www.marilynoh.com 913-327-0611

Unlocking potential, prosperity and peace for leaders, coaches and their organizations through Executive, Leadership & Team Coaching; Retreats and Coaching Supervision

*Drawn from ICF competencies