How to Communicate More Impactfully as a Leader if You are a Woman Prone to Apologetic Language

The way you communicate can have an impact on how you are perceived as leaders. If you are prone to using apologetic language, the use of it can undermine your leadership presence, influence, and impact. Using apologetic language can come across as you lacking confidence in your abilities or being uncertain about what you are doing.

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The use of apologetic language has passive undertones and does not instil confidence in others about your leadership abilities. Words such as “I’m sorry to bother you but…”, “I just wanted to see if…” are words often used by the apologetic woman.

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Your words vocalise your thoughts

The words you use to communicate, vocalise what you think. You may use apologetic language because you think the other person is too busy to have time for you, or because they are much more senior, or it may be because you think you are not good enough. Because you don’t want to cause offence or take up their time, it can have the effect that you are not worthy of the other person’s attention, or that they are better or more important than you.?

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This often stems from a lack of self confidence and/or self belief and the rejection such women think that will come. Or they think they will make themselves look foolish, or that they will be negatively judged. If they had belief in themselves and were confident approaching the person or the task at hand, they would be able to communicate in a confident, assertive manner.?

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In situations where you have self-belief and are confident, I am sure you don’t act apologetically. If you have children, I am sure when you have had a busy, tiring day and you want them to do something, you don’t say, ‘I’m sorry to bother you but, would you mind tidying your bedroom?’.? I am sure you approach the subject in a more confident, assertive manner in order to get the outcome you want, namely tidy bedrooms and a peaceful evening.

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Some women become apologetic in situations where they need to deliver awkward, difficult, or challenging messages, or something unfavourable to the recipient of their communication. This apologetic approach can make you come across as timid, uncertain, passive, or faltering.?

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If you want to be impactful in your communication, be mindful of the language you use and how that portrays you as a leader. When faced with an awkward situation that you need to address, ditch the ‘I’m sorry but’ (or whatever apologetic language you use) in your sentences. If you worry about how your message will be received, what’s the worst that can happen? ?

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How my coaching clients address this

When I coach clients who are prone to using apologetic language about how to have more of an influential and impactful presence, we address their self-limiting beliefs. Along with this, they develop an awareness of when they use apologetic language and who with.

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One thing they do (which you could try) when communicating difficult or awkward messages, or to people they feel intimidated by, is type out their emails in full as they normally would. They then go through the email deleting the apologetic words. Words such as ‘I’m sorry but…’, ‘I was wondering if…’, ‘I just want to ask…’, etc.

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Having deleted those words, they get straight to the point of what they want to say. Reflecting on their communications in this way, they are often surprised at the extent in which they use apologetic language. With this increased self-awareness, it is then easier for them to avoid it.

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Having addressed self-doubt and other self-limiting beliefs and with an awareness of their use of apologetic language (both in written communication and verbally), they then start confidently asserting themselves in their communication. Making their communication more impactful.

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Remember, your words are an expression of your thoughts and how you think and feel about yourself. How you communicate them will determine how others perceive you. If you want to be impactful in your communication, use language that reflects this.?

If you want to be more confident with your communication, join my live 5 Day Mind Cleanse challenge starting on 6 January. Over the course of five days, I will guide you through a daily, 30-minute interactive session designed to help you:

• Silence Self-Doubt: Replace negative thoughts with empowering beliefs.
• Build Lasting Confidence: Cultivate a strong foundation of self-confidence that grows with you.
• Harness Your Quiet Strengths: Learn to lead in a way that feels authentic, without feeling the need to shout to be heard.
• Expand Your Network of Like-Minded Women: Connect with a supportive community of other introverted leaders. This challenge is not just about personal growth—it’s also an opportunity to build a network for ongoing peer support.

Find out more about the 5 day mind cleanse challenge here .

Where we are at in our lives is as a result of a series of choices. Whether these are our own choices or choices that other people have made which have impacted us. In this episode of the podcast, I talk about the consequences of our choices and the need to make better choices if we are not achieving our goals.

About Me

I am an Executive, Career and Leadership Coach specialising in introverted women who are senior leaders. Through my work, I have helped 1000s of women across the globe to increase their confidence, influence and impact as leaders, and overcome imposter syndrome, increase their executive presence, improve speaking performance in meetings, get a promotion, and much more.

If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment here .

I speak in organisations on a variety of topics related to career, leadership, and personal development, as well as belonging, psychological safety, and inclusion. If you would like to enquire about me speaking at your organisation, contact me here .