How To Communicate Authentically (in a sometimes-artificial world)

Authenticity is key to relationship development. The key to authenticity is vulnerability. Being vulnerable, truly vulnerable, means we are putting ourselves out there for rejection.

...rejection can hurt individuals and business

This is no secret, yet it continues to be a problem in today's professional environments. From what I have experienced is that many spaces say they want authenticity and vulnerability but then when it is something that makes them a bit uncomfortable, best intentions turn into conflicts and/or rejection. In turn this promotes a culture of artifice and inauthentic communication and in the long run- strains trust.

An example of this in action is when someone who is formerly incarcerated is open about their incarceration and rehabilitation in the professional landscape, they are encouraged to continue being vulnerable. However, when the specific crime is divulged it often times turns into flat out rejection of the formerly incarcerated peer. The individual then must figure out the social dynamics of communication: to talk about their incarceration or not? Multiple positive experiences can be overshadowed by one negative experience, thus limiting one's courage to be vulnerable. Thus, leading to a level of inauthenticity.

...and the cycle continues.

How do we fix it?

Addressing this has to come from two sides: a willingness to be vulnerable and a willingness to hear vulnerability (which is in and of itself a form of vulnerability).

As someone who shares a lot about myself, I face rejection daily. I am not kidding when I say I experience rejection every single day. I have to say, it doesn't get easier. However, I refuse to be inauthentic, so I make it a point to continue to put myself out there and when someone does reject me, I keep a positive vibe and continue to be myself. I practice what I preach and forgive others and I do it quickly.

When we are rejected or receive mixed signals it is vital that we keep that door open. I must assert this strongly because think back on a time when YOU misjudged someone or treated them unkindly and wished you could take it back. Would you not hope that person practiced a little grace and made you feel welcomed to grow?

Continue to be authentic and genuine even when rejection is experienced. Don't apologize for being authentically you or for being vulnerable but be sensitive in knowing that we can produce feelings and emotions in others, and they are just as entitled to those feelings and emotions. We must hold space for those as well and know that if we produce that in someone else, we must be good humans and treat each emotion with precious care (because that is what we would want ourselves, is it not?)

What about for the other side of the coin, when we experience something that is triggering for us, and we want to reject the person? It is okay to be uncomfortable with someone's past. It is okay to feel emotions and feelings, it is equally okay to put them out there, to be vulnerable about them. Often times opening up about why something is impacting you so strongly can create robust dialogue and build trust. This is difficult, even in today's society as among men it is still discouraged to be an emotional creature in a professional environment unless that emotion is anger. Unfortunately, anger is still viewed as a good leadership quality.

To conclude, being authentic does create room for rejection, it is true. But think about the last time you purchased something and when you opened the package it wasn't what you thought it was, wouldn't you have wanted to know that beforehand? We crave authenticity so when we experience it, even when it is slightly uncomfortable, be bold and hold space for that.

With Love

by Ruth Utnage