How comfortable do you feel having uncomfortable conversations? Let’s talk about the importance of dialogue.

Hi everyone. We just kicked off another week, hard to believe, it's mid-September already!

The work that we do at EQS often dips its toes into conversations about providing various groups of people with equal opportunities and promoting awareness of the equity, equality and inclusivity in the Cloud space.

DEI is continuously at the forefront of our working discussions. So I continue to strengthen my knowledge and attend various events to learn more about how we, as an organization, can support our Clients better on their way to implementation of DEI culture. We strongly believe that it is not just another metric to measure the company's statistics or numbers. DEI is a culture that drives innovation. As people may come with different backgrounds, have different life experiences, and a completely different way of thinking, we must learn about these differences, accept and value them because these differences bring the most value to the table.

If you think about DEI's definition, you may consider putting this as an ongoing conversation or the way we connect with co-workers, clients, and customers. Meaningful conversation can uncover people's unique experiences, perspectives and viewpoints for the collective benefit of all. When I think about any possible scenarios of having a discussion with diversity in mind, I go back to my notes from one of the IAMCP webinars. I think it might be beneficial to share a few takeaways with the broader audience. Today I offer a 4-steps approach that you can utllize in any conversation stage, mix and match. This approach helps to drive productive human connection so we all can be seen, heard and valued, realizing that this may look different for each of us. 

Step one - meeting people where they are. This idea is giving us an understanding that the person we are talking to likely has a different set of experiences that are forming the way how they may respond to us in any given moment. Often, you can find that two different people may think of different things. The suggestion here is to start by reminding yourself that the assumptions that are immediately popping into our head might not be correct, and we can leave a little room for doubting and questioning ourselves. In this stage of the conversation, do your best to control yourself and stay away from biases. Biases can ruin the opportunity for connection. The best way to deal with biases is by trying to reduce it. It is just a matter of time and practicing the following things: awareness, actions, and a good will to do so. There are quite a few tools that might help you to understand and address your personal biases, do a bit of research or ping me to share the resources I have. 

Step two - be open to listening. When you decide to create a safe space, be open to hearing the other party. Be ready to hear something different from what you are expecting. As listening might be the most challenging part, you can improve your skills by resisting the urge to respond. Stay quiet and hear what is being said. You also may want to work with an inclination about the things you want to say next - resist it. Ask more questions. As you frame up something you want to say - give it space to be turned into a question to explore the opposite position a little bit further and seek more understanding. 

Step three - removing an intent. We can often map an intent to a response without considering the context, and here is where we set limits in the conversation. You might want to seek clarity before you react to some things. Try to engage your mind in a practical way asking yourself, "What did they mean by saying this?" Second, don't overstretch yourself. Assume positive intent, especially when your emotions are heightened. Try to process the situation logically. Instead of trying to do any intent - remove it altogether. And to do so, one of the things is to remove your personal experience. We all are using words with our own biases; we put our own experiences in these words and immediately judge them based on OUR past. So when you take your experience out of this, you allow yourself to engage in the conversation and answer a question: what did they mean by saying this? 

Step four - be curious and seek understanding. This stage is critical and underpins all the rest. When you meet somebody where they are in the first step, you are putting yourself in place to learn more about their life experiences. The fundamental component of embracing curiosity is asking questions. Tell yourself, "I want to know the answer to this, I want to know why they responded this way", and remind yourself not to judge that answer. If you are in a headspace to ask the question and not judge it, it will go far for opening up a connection and a real dialogue in any scenario. 

This is not just one conversation or situation that fortifies the relationships between people. This happens over time. If we continue to practise building the space between people, even if the company's culture isn't necessarily there yet, we lead by example. Doing this once with one person doesn't make it a culture of trust. Consistently anchoring on this simple 4-step approach to build safe space enables opportunities for incremental trust-building. We need to commit to it and stick to it so the culture around us can develop.

Dealing with work situations, the best way is to practice deep understanding, ask questions and listen to the answers of your co-workers. Also, the right idea is to sit with those answers as much as possible to understand how you need or what you should respond to the other side. The goal is to ensure that we are delivering the best out of all our work and everything we do. 

In case you need to speak to a broader audience or address the broader diversity issues, remember that all teams are made up of individuals. If each separate person can do these things, it will affect the group that disagrees or needs to accept the differences in each other. And even if the whole group isn't doing this, you can step up and ask questions like "What's our goal?" or "What we are trying to get to?" The goal here would be to get everybody to that place where they can communicate. In small teams (up to 10 people), the conversation will look like a facilitation activity. 

When you talk to a group of up to 100 people or more, you can't have a personal interaction with each member. It is you who creates the space for everybody else. You may want to anchor to the understanding that there are many people with different backgrounds. In this case, you are not listening to them; you are just removing the intent and possible barriers that foster communication and change the dynamic of cooperation in the large group.

Nowadays, companies are looking to introduce more diverse perspectives in a workforce and teams. Based on the recent research findings, after you introduce diversity into a group, productivity dips immediately because everybody is trying to work in the new paradigm. It's only when you give those individuals the tools to navigate a new mindset, the productivity then accelerates and grows. The connection between people is a critical component to make the company's culture work. The safe space created by connection is essential because, at the workplace, we are having people that don't look like us, don't think like us, more people who grow up in different places and have different backgrounds and different life experiences than us. We must learn to be fluent in handling compassionate conversations that lack judgement, are honest, open, insightful and thought-provoking. The core principle here is the idea that "It is not about what happened; it's often about what happens next".

When it comes to building diversity inside the organization, you need to be committed to creating a hospitable and supportive environment for team members from all walks of life. So consider the suggested strategies and practice it to make a foundation for connection and a more diverse and inclusive workplace.

So, how comfortable do you feel having uncomfortable conversations? Please feel free to share your thoughts and feedback.