How To Come Out Ahead in a Conflict
Smart Strategies for Successful Living
Your link to a happier, healthier lifestyle.
We encounter conflicts daily. While most result in minor stress blips, some can be truly devastating. The way we handle these contentious situations can significantly influence the aftermath. Skillful conflict resolution can open doors to progress and growth, whereas poor execution may lead to lasting repercussions, including strained relationships with those who matter most. So, how can we resolve conflicts in a manner that promotes our future success rather than hinders it?
What is conflict?
A conflict occurs when at least two people or factions clash over incompatible differences that are perceived to be problematic. Whenever we find ourselves in a conflict, our inclination is to prevail in changing or eliminating the opposing perspective.? No matter how cogent we may seem in our delivery, the outcome of an emotionally laden dispute can be iffy. In general, anticipate one of these four distinct scenarios.
The possible outcomes you might experience include:
Win-Lose:
In a win-lose scenario the conflict is resolved in your favor to the dissatisfaction of your opposition. However sweet this appears to be, it may be short lived if the opposition decides to exact some form of retaliation.
Lose-Win:
The reverse is true for a lose-win situation whereby the loss and any potential for “pay back” rest with you. Pending upon the magnitude of the conflict, the one-sided win can produce an ongoing stream of trouble if the loser feels the need to be vindicated.
Lose-Lose:
The classic fallback for resolving a conflict is to compromise. While it might sound good on the surface, compromise is essentially a lose-lose scenario. To compromise means that each party feels a level of discontent as they both give up something that might have had high value to them. This tactic negates the prospect of a productive and meaningful outcome for both parties.
Win-Win:
For an ideal conflict resolution strategy that will promote opportunities to flourish without sacrificing relationships, use win-win. In this scenario, everyone comes away feeling like they have achieved a mutually acceptable outcome. This process requires a certain skill set and time on task, but the results will be rewarding.
How to Succeed in Conflict Resolution
To effectively resolve a conflict, consider implementing the following strategies:
Set the Stage
(1) Maintain control over your attitude and behavior. Allowing negative emotions to guide you won’t lead to a win.
(2)? Clearly identify the nature of the conflict, the key individuals involved, and your own attitudes and behaviors regarding the situation.
(3)? Address the conflict promptly rather than letting it fester into a larger, more unmanageable issue. Most conflicts don’t resolve themselves; they tend to escalate.
(4)? Focus on achieving a long-term, mutually agreeable outcome for all parties rather than seeking short-term personal gains.
Initiate the Process
(1)? Choose a neutral location for discussions that conveys no sense of dominance from either side. Use texts, phone calls, or emails solely for arranging meetings, not for arguing your points.
(2)? Start your discussions by fostering a sense of trust , respect, and a willingness to collaborate. Uphold honesty and diplomacy throughout your interactions.
(3)? Be transparent about your intention to reach a resolution that satisfies both parties.
(4)? Use inclusive language with first-person plural pronouns (we, our, us) to emphasize your commitment to mutual benefit and collaboration.
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Move Toward Resolution
(1)? Shift from discussing each party's demands to uncovering the personal interests behind those demands. Focusing on the “what” can trap everyone in a contentious situation, while understanding the “why” paves the way for productive negotiations around shared needs.
(2)? To dismantle entrenched positions, engage in creative problem-solving that emphasizes interests and motivations. Brainstorm potential alternatives that maximize individual benefits, minimize losses, and ensure fairness for all parties involved. Take the time to explore all options until you reach an agreement that feels satisfying for both sides.
Example of Position versus Interests:
Position (the what): Jane and Tom’s elderly mother is battling dementia along with various health complications, making it impossible for her to live independently without significant caregiver support. Jane wishes to invite a caregiver into their home to provide the necessary assistance. In contrast, Tom advocates for selling the house and moving their mother to an assisted living facility.
Interests (the why):?Jane has heard countless horror stories about nursing homes, making her feel guilty at the thought of placing her mother in one. Meanwhile, Tom has researched the situation and realizes that long-term home care would be financially unfeasible for their mother on her retirement income. His calculations show that for her to remain at home, both Jane and Tom would need to contribute at least $2,000 each month to cover caregiving expenses.
Stay the Course
The easiest way to shut down any likelihood of a positive outcome is for you to:
(1) Issue an ultimatum that limits your options and boxes you and the others into a corner.
(2) Rush the process without fully engaging in the strategies needed to reach mutual accord.
(3) Focus on your need to be right, making you inflexible to creative problem solving.
(4) View the other side as an opposition to be dealt with instead of a partnership that could lead to progressive results and change.
Not every dispute will conclude with a win-win outcome, but aiming for this should always be your initial approach to conflict resolution. When entering a contentious situation, be ready with a backup plan if things don’t go as hoped. Ultimately, prioritizing a positive resolution for both parties is far better than inviting ongoing discord and the potential for retaliation that may follow.
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Written by: Patricia K. Flanigan, Smart Strategies for Successful Living
Patricia K. Flanigan is a vibrant and passionate advocate for quality living and aging. She has dedicated over 28 years to working in higher education, but now enjoys a more peaceful lifestyle as the founding director and writer of Smart Strategies for Successful Living. In her free-time, she cherishes spending quality time with her family and friends, as well as getting out into nature with her beloved Samoyed dog, Wylie. Patricia loves helping others age gracefully and shares her wisdom through her content to promote the ultimate success in living.
View our motivational video on how to prevent a conversation from spiraling out of control.
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