How to Coach Work Life Conundrum?

I know. It’s a horrible visual, isn’t it? I am not to blame. It’s an AI creation. A myth. A Chimera. As is work life balance.

Myth of Balancing Work Life

Several people I have coached, and healed before I became a coach, came with this mythical Holy Grail. How can I be the ideal father/mother, son/daughter, friend/boss, employer/employee all in one, and perfect in all functions? This is a quest for disaster. The reverse of a Hero’s Journey.

The myth of work life balance invented by Owen and reinforced by the Meyer Wheel of Life stresses us, because this can never be successful. Any balancing act ends in a fall. My effort in healing and coaching has been to create the awareness of this myth, moving clients towards an integration of work and life, however imperfect.?

Let’s take a simple case. Mine. In over forty years of corporate rat race plus a decade of entrepreneurship, the one real value lesson I learnt was that I can never be a boss and a friend, or an employer and coach, both at the same time. I disappointed myself and others when I tried. I needed to set boundaries, define roles and responsibilities and combine compassion with disciplinary firmness. The alternative is chaos. When I tried to course correct, there was more unpleasantness and more chaos.

If you have been a corporate executive, professional or entrepreneur and have faced challenges in this space, and believe in honesty rather than hypothetical hypocrisies you are unlikely to differ with me.?

Masks we wear

I have worked with dozens of executive clients wearing different masks at work, with family, with friends, and in networking. Unfortunately, these masks slip. Your face that others see then is ugly and scarred. We all have one authentic self, good or bad, but never ugly, whatever we may have developed. If we stick to that, even if that is not the most pleasant, we are sustainable. If we don’t, we get stressed and go down a downward spiral.?

Ask your body. Night and day it strives for homeostasis. Homeostasis is not balance. The mindbody self regulates in the present moment allocating resources to where they are needed most at a point in time. Blood and Oxygen flows more to certain points at night as different from during the day. Need follows function. Action follows Needs.

Stop trying to allocate minutes and hours between your work requirement and the needs of your family and friends. The functions, needs and required actions are different. Look at the functions and needs from a holistic perspective and integrate them, rather than balancing them. This often requires mindset and behavioural change.

Become a child?

Look at a child at work. Work must be play for a child to be involved. Watch the joy in the child doing what she loves. Can you make a child do something she does not love to? When forced, the child loses her childhood and creativity. Joyful activity creates passion. Passion creates Purpose. Purpose creates happiness.

Relook at your work and life with the eyes of a child, with the beginner’s mind, as Zen says. How can work be joyful? If there were no boundaries what would you work on? What can demolish the masks of work and life? What holds you back??Can you be a child again??

We shall address passion and purpose in another blog soon.

What holds us back?

If you are a woman and determined to espouse a career, you may not do well with a demanding spouse. If your aspirations are to be a mother, wife and daughter the work space may not be the ideal space. This may not be pleasant to hear, but nevertheless true. If you wish to integrate the two, you need to choose the right partner and the right work environment. One that fulfils your passion and purpose. It’s not easy, and not impossible. You need the awareness of what you want from life, which includes work. You then need to demand it, not just want it. If you have the intent, outcome will follow.

What I have said for a woman is true for a man as well. Unfortunately, in our hypocritical, patriarchal society where authenticity is at a premium, it’s the women who endure hardship, and the men who create the blocks.

Reflect

·??????If you are a woman, what may you need to let go to be really happy in your purposeful journey?

·??????If you are a man, a real man, how will you support your mother, sister, wife, daughter, friend in her purposeful journey putting her purpose ahead of yours??

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Ram is a co-founder and mentor at Coacharya?https://coacharya.com . Ram's focus is the integration of Eastern wisdom with modern science, spiritually, systemically and sustainably. Visit Coacharya.