???? How To Close That Bloody Gap!
Apologies for any offence caused by 'bloody'...
I believe it's been declassified as an offensive word since the 1960's but truthfully I don't care...
BECAUSE THAT 'GAP' CAN FEEL 'BLOODY' PERSISTENT.
Business, money, health, relationships, time freedom, confidence, resilience, more fun, ease, excitement, etc.
Many of us have a 'gap' we'd Love to close and yet we find all our doing doesn't do it!
This week's newsletter is about how to close the gap no matter how persistent or seemingly "un-closable" it may appear to be and why it's never about doing.
This is Part 1 of 2. As always I hope you find value here and if you know someone for whom this may be helpful, please feel free to share.
DESIRING vs. WANTING
Let's start by clarifying the distinction between desiring and wanting.
Because this is so key to closing the gap.
Desires are 100% natural. (Wanting is 100% not!)
The desires we become aware of and accept or reject depend upon our 'self-concept' - (more on self-concept in part 2) - but the point here is that all desires are natural.
They appear for a reason and they appear in different forms...
Desires appear in the mind, we become aware of them and we have a conscious mind with which to accept or reject them.
A conscious mind with which to decide YES or NO.
Our desires may of course make themselves known because of contrast in our experience.
Perhaps we don't have the time freedom, sales growth, impact, income, money, health or ease we'd love.
Perhaps we're ready for new or different or more.
If so, our job is not to resist the current situation or attempt to remedy it through 're-action'.
Our job - first and foremost is to use our current experience to establish or confirm our preferences.
And if necessary, to make the mental move to having CLARITY on what we now desire?
And crucially, to then accept this.
In the moment we accept a desire - for whatever it may be - our 'wanting' of it disappears.
When we accept a desire, the 'wanting' is replaced with the inner enjoyment and entertainment of the desire.
In other words, our 'mindset' is now one of eager anticipation, gratitude and fulfilment.
It's one of knowing.
And it's this 'inner' acceptance - versus the continued wanting of it - that then leads the 'outer' fulfilment of it.
Our acceptance moves us to think, plan, say and do or to not say or do on the path to fulfilment.
Crucially, we're now thinking from our desire and not to it.
What's natural is to enjoy our journey whilst being fulfilled instead of being on a journey of seeking or striving for fulfilment in the future.
What's natural is for our awareness to go out into the mind, to become aware of a desire and to then accept it if we'd love it or reject it we don't.
And, in our acceptance or rejection of the desire, our awareness then returns from the mind to the fullness of the present and to our natural resting state of absolute fulfilment.
Which means we're then out of our way and on the path of least resistance to experiencing what we'd love.
We do this every day with certain desires...
Desire arises for a coffee, lunch, speaking with a friend, going for dinner, going for a walk in the sun (or the rain!)...
And when we accept the desire - vs. rejecting it or conditioning it - we're moved to do and experience accordingly.
Our acceptance leads us and our experience.
This is what's natural however when it comes to other desires such as 'business' or 'money' or 'health' or taking 16 weeks holiday instead of 6 or 8, we may insist on 'accepting' it's more complicated.
So, our belief in it being more complicated means we're moved to 'do' this...
We become aware of the desire for something and we immediately condition it with our beliefs about it.
Time, timing or money are the 3 mental stories the ego-belief conjures up to condition the desire and preserve the status quo.
And if we believe our thoughts are true, we then remain in a state of 'wanting' or 'hoping'...
And maybe we take action from non-acceptance, hoping what's really a 're-action' to the circumstances or to our beliefs will satisfy the desire.
Or we 'accept' the idea that it's complicated or difficult or requires sacrifice...
And we accept our own BS mental narratives of limitation about why it's not possible, will take so much time or is dependent on X,Y,Z.
Or why the timing isn't right.
And our acceptance of this then leads the corresponding experience.
Because we experience what we're accepting!
And whilst our ego may tell us we were right...
What's actually happened is that the mind is simply projecting and providing us with the experience of what we've accepted!
Because that's how the mind works.
So, by way of example, when we're in a state of wanting a certain outcome, we may be moved to have meetings to figure out how to make it happen...
And we may then do certain things which feel hard.
Whilst being unaware that it feels hard only because we're attempting to go against our nature...
And we not only feel the effects of our non-acceptance and our resistance to what we'd love.
We feel what we're believing and accepting.
And we then perceive the effects of this with our senses!
And "The Bloody Gap" either remains as it is despite all we do or it closes.... but only ever to the degree that we believe our efforts and actions are working.
And when we believe it's our actions that have produced results, we've then missed the mark on understanding the true cause of effects.
We've overlooked that the gap closes in relation to what we're placing our faith in and what our awareness is on!
In missing the mark, we're using what we 'do' as our permission slips for our acceptance of the desired outcomes!
Which for many of us - as it certainly did for me - stems from a belief that we're only truly worthy of our desires if we've worked really hard for them!
"You deserve it because you've worked so hard for it."
When in truth, we deserve it regardless of how effortless and easy it is.
Because the game of life is not just about knowing how worthy we are, it's about remembering and realising how powerful and effortlessly we create our experience in the mind.
And about realising the only thing that's ever in our way are the assumptions and ideas we're accepting about what's in our way!
It's about knowing there's nothing to fix or heal but that we can absolutely create this experience for ourself through our acceptance of the idea that there is!
Because what we're accepting leads experience.
And whilst the ego may be swift to reject this idea, the truth is that we put the obstacles in front of ourself through our awareness and acceptance of them.
So, if we believe hard work and massive action and striving and sacrifice and fixing and other things are necessary, then they are!
And if we believe someone or things 'out there' are a certain way, then they are!
The mind will always shows us the evidence for whatever we're accepting as true.
Not because it's true but because of our belief that it is.
Closing the gap is never about what we're doing or not doing.
Doing may be a requirement but what matters is what leads it.
Closing the gap is about who and what we're identifying with and what we're choosing to accept or reject.
We're only experiencing the reflections of our own inner state, beliefs and assumptions.
And staying in the state of 'wanting' is non-acceptance of the desired outcome.
Staying in 'wanting' feels contracting because it's attachment and attachment is led by fear...
Fear that we might not get what we desire (if we don't do something) or fear that we'll get what we don't desire (if we don't do something).
SUMMARY
In summing up Part 1, when we have a desire for something, our job is to make the decision and the mental move to reject it or accept it.
If we accept it, only then does it become about the time or the timing or the money or 'how' or whatever else we may need to do.
Where it's so easy to slip up in terms of our 'mindset' is to put the cart before the horse.
To put the money or the time before the decision.
Or to look out at the world and assume that 'doing' is the Holy Grail.
And to take action which is really a 're-action' to our non-acceptance.
Or, instead of clarifying our preferences and making a decision, to condition the desire.
We say MAYBE or IT DEPENDS or it would be nice BUT....
And we mentally accept the perceived obstacles.
Which not only creates them in our experience but is the equivalent of kicking the can of our desires down the road!
The fastest way to close the gap between a desire for something and its fulfilment is to decide and accept the desire regardless of circumstances.
This is the way of all courageous (heart-led) leaders, high-achievers and performers.
They're not interested in 'how' until they've made the decision.
They may not be aware of how the mind works but they know it makes no sense to expend time, energy and effort or to worry about 'how' until a decision is made AND accepted.
Only after a decision is made to accept the desire does it become about the time, the timing, the money or 'how'.
We're half-way through 2024 - still plenty of time to make it your best year yet.
Vision, Awareness & Mind Alignment for the results you don't yet believe in.