How to Choose to Challenge

International Women's Day is on 08 March, today!

"What do I want to say this International Women's Day to all my friends, colleagues and people out there in the world who might come across my article?" I thought while staring at my screen. This was the question I've asked myself for the last couple of weeks. I typed, deleted and then I did it all over again several times.

There is so much of information online these days, with everyone using it as a means to connect with each other and to voice their opinions. In the midst of all that what would be the most wittiest or profound thing that I could say that will make people take notice, to stop and think. What is that magic formula, that algorithm that will get me to the top of the page, because that's where it seems the fleeting mind of the bored browser rests. If there isn't something that is shiny and bright or witty and profound to hook them onto reading beyond the headline then off they (me included) go on their all absorbing journey of mindless browsing.

"She's cynical!" I hear you think. I'm just being realistic. Honesty, fairness and authenticity are some of my core values and that's what I can offer to the world - myself - for that's all I truly have.

So with that authentic spirit, I've let the theme "Choose to Challenge" percolate a while in my mind to examine what it means to me. Where has it shown up in my life and why must I carry on doing so. There are, no doubt, so many times when I should have challenged but kept quiet. It's those moments that spur me on to challenge injustices, inequalities, and stereotypes.

My earliest memory of choosing to challenge was when I was a five year old, I sat on the pavement, refused to walk to school and demanded that my mum carry me instead! And she did (bless her soul). I chose to challenge the belief that children had to listen to their parents, my parents were clueless about parenting so I had demonstrate wisdom beyond my years. I was called "bossy".

I lived in India till my early 30s where patriarchy is the bedrock of society. I chose to challenge having to use my father/ husband's last name in my signature on my passport. I remember the official at the passport office insisting I use a last name and I refused. There was a lot of noise about it. I was stubborn. I don't know why or where it came from but I refused to have a last name associated with my signature which is a legal demonstration of my acceptance and agreement to something.

I chose to challenge the Anglo-Indian stereotype. Women from my generation, got married young and had babies. Many didn't have careers or ambition and were mostly teachers or nurses. I was determined not to be dependent on a man financially and beyond that to have a successful career that showcases changing circumstances through hard work and determination.

In education, I chose to challenge that I wasn't bright enough to make something of myself. In work, that understanding technical systems was not a woman thing or that if I did understand data and systems then I must be a nerd and lack social skills.

I chose to challenge colour stereotypes of blue for boys and pink for girls. I refused to not let my son walk around proudly with this bright pink Mini Mouse bag he loved. (Sadly, peer pressure has made him tone down his colour choices!)

There are other personal experiences that I can share where I had that choice and decided to act on it. I want to give you some food for thought. If you are wondering how you can demonstrate that you "choose to challenge" in the context of Women's Day, here are some suggestions. I've split them in two categories internal and external.

Internal Actions:

• Choose to Challenge Your Inner Critic: When that inner critic starts to say "you are not good enough, you are boring your audience, you are stupid, no one wants to hear what you have to say, etc. etc." those are limiting beliefs showing up that stem from childhood and adverse experiences. It is not you, in the now. Challenge that inner voice and ask it for evidence as an adult.
• Choose to Challenge Automated Messaging: When you see a woman doing something you think she shouldn't and you feel the urge to make a joke or perhaps downplay her ability as a fluke, then I ask you to stop and examine where that thought is coming from before you say it out loud. Is that gender stereotype?

External Actions:

• Choose to Challenge Discrimination: In the workplace, a lot of discrimination is couched as banter or the enforcement of a policy. Next time you say something that might seem witty or you join in to be with the "in crowd" at work. Stop, think, challenge! (I was once told that I knew how to bring the mood down in a conversation, because I chose to challenge "banter").
• Choose to Challenge Gender Stereotypes: They even find their way in a women only organisation. If you think that a women's organisation is the ideal place for a woman to work, then think again. Being a woman doesn't automatically make you a feminist.
• Choose to Challenge Language Used: Words used say a lot about a person. You may think a word is only a word but don't forget they have the power to break or build someone up. When you speak, speak mindfully. When you hear words that stem from stereotypes and discrimination. Stop, think and challenge!
• Choose to Challenge Positive Exclusion: How many times have you heard, "I wanted to ask you to join us but I didn't think you'd be interested?" or another one is after work drinks with the team that you don't go to because you don't drink. I've had this one many times, "you are so busy" - positive (ish!) "we thought you wouldn't have the time" - (exclusion). Leaving me with, "Did you even think of asking me what I thought?". In current circumstances with many people working from home and connecting with colleagues virtually, it is different. For example, there could be decisions you are not included in or informal, offline discussions that are similar to the conversations in the kitchen. emails you are not copied into, etc. Perhaps you are included but notice a colleague who should be present isn't, then say something!
• Choose to Challenge Accepted Behaviour: This one sounds like this, "Oh you know her, she's always like that" or "he's always moody" or "his/ her bark is louder than his/ her bite". In the workplace and in life, we must be treated with respect and treat others with respect. No position in any systemic hierarchy gives one person the authority to be disrespectful to another. I think the worst I've had is being called "stupid" by a boss in an open office.

Choosing to challenge is not only for "International Women's Day", it is for every day. I invite you to do so with this quote -

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. " - Rumi