How to charm a billionaire (or really anyone)

(Originally wrote this a few years ago as a guest blog post. Retained the rights. Part 2 of Networking Power Tools.)

Last Sunday I enjoyed a steak dinner with a billionaire. It must have gone pretty well because after an hour conversation he asked for my business card.  You see when I sat down to eat I had no idea who was sitting next to me.  I found out from my server neither did she and she has served him several times.  How did I charm a billionaire to not only reveal his identity but ask for my contact information so he could speak with me again?

I did the same thing I do with everyone I meet, whether they be a barista or a billionaire, everyone wants to be spend time with someone who is interesting and fun to be around.  

How to charm a billionaire (or really anyone):

1. Don’t be boring: How many conversations have you had in your life that started out with some variation on “What do you do for a living?” and “Where are you from?” I NEVER ask these questions.  If the person I am talking to wants to reveal them to me they will in their own time.   Who wants to relive a conversation they’ve had hundreds or even thousands of times again?

I usually open a conversation by observing something about the person.  If they are wearing a Garmin GPS watch I talk about endurance sports.  If it’s a woman I will ask about the most distinctive piece of jewelry she is wearing.  If I am in their office or home I will look at what books or other items they display and use that as a starting point.  I am always carrying a book with me so sometimes I will start by referencing something from the book and ask a question about it.  Then based on whatever they might say I ask follow up questions and let the conversation flow.  The more different things you read the more interesting you will be because you’ll be able to ask related questions to the person’s comments.

2. Be present in the moment.  Really listen to what the person is saying.  Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone but the entire time they are just going on about whatever it is they are interested in and not paying any real attention to you?  Don’t be that person.  You learn more from listening than from talking.  Dale Carnegie says in the classic How To Win Friends and Influence People  the best conversationalists are the ones that listen and ask related questions.  Everyone likes to hear the sound of their own voice so give the person you are speaking with the opportunity to express themselves.  In our multi-tasking world it can be hard to focus for a long period of time.  You need to train your brain to be able to maintain a laser focus when you need it.  I recommend practicing simply clearing your mind and focusing on your breathing.  This is a common method of mediation and is highly effective at developing the ability to focus when needed.  You can practice this before you go to bed at night.  Practice being more present with your family, friends, and coworkers.  You will be very pleased with the results.

3. Have perceived power to make the life of the person you are speaking with better in some way.  This can be anything from having the ability to make amusing but appropriate comments to being insightful about a topic of conversation bringing a viewpoint that the person you are speaking with may not have considered.  For example, I once told the Chief Economist of a major Japanese bank that Japan was the only economy that got socialism to work.  Then I proceeded to tell him what I meant by that comment.  He liked what I had to say so much that he invited me to meet his entire staff.

4. Be empathic.  Show that you really care about the person you are speaking with.  Whether you are a Republican or a Democrat you have to admit Bill Clinton was a master at this if you remember his town meetings.  He seemed to be able to make an immediate connection with anyone he met.  One of the top executives that mentored me was one of the founders of the consulting firm Accenture.  He taught me that the more you help other people the better your life and your business will become.  Focus on what you can do to help the person you are speaking with in some way.  I usually give people one or more of the following; 1. Knowledge about a topic they show an interest - ideally from an article I contributed to or wrote 2. The opportunity to get PR - everyone likes to see their name in the paper 3. An opportunity to generate revenue or a role they might be interested in with a company.  These gifts cost me very little out of pocket but can have a significant impact on the life of someone I help.

5. Have a clear purpose.  I have a clear purpose in my life that drives everything I do.  What is this purpose?  In the next ten years, I want to help 1 million students.  This isn’t just a pie in the sky goal this is something I am actively pursuing on a number of fronts and in fact everything I do feeds into it.  The profits from my recruiting business support my nonprofit, Project Be The Change, which teaches entrepreneurship to young people by addressing social problems and provides advice from some of the most accomplished people in the world for free.  My life has meaning and that meaning informs everything I do.  When you have a purpose, whatever it might be ,you are significantly more interesting than someone who is just focused on gain purely for the sake of greed or personal accomplishment.

6. Always be truthful.  At the end of the day your value in the eyes of others is going to be in who you know and what they trust you to do for them.  Never violate trust.  Never pretend you know something that you don’t.  Be honest and people will respect you.  For example, if someone asks me a question about golf I will say I don’t really play golf and then I will bridge (change the subject) into my passion for endurance events like triathlons.

7. Practice. Practice. Practice.    I practice everyday connecting with everyone I meet.  I make a sincere effort to make people laugh, smile, or at the very least have a positive experience when they are with me.  I am paid back for this a million fold because everywhere I go from my bank to the coffee shop to my students to the gym I always hear the positive refrain, “John’s here!”.  People greet me as the fun guy they love to talk to.  That positive energy is self reinforcing and I rarely if ever have a bad day because most of the people I encounter on any given day are sending positive vibes my way.  Try this for a few weeks and see what it does for you.  We are all more similar than different.  The more you practice at connecting with everyone the more you will be able to connect with anyone you meet.

I’m currently reading the book, Joe Girard’s 13 Essential Rules For Selling.  Joe was the Guinness Book of World Records #1 Salesman for 12 years in a row.  Joe advises in the book to treat everyone you meet like they are a millionaire. Joe lets bump it up a notch and say treat everyone you meet as you would if they were a billionaire.  Because you just never know who might be sitting next to you at dinner.