How Charismatic Muslims Deal with Anxiety

Case 1

A sister graduated from a prestigious Islamic University and is now studying Masters. MashaAllah, she is very hardworking and committed towards her studies. But she fears that she might not ever marry. Will she live alone all her life? She is scared that her father is old and he is the only earning member of her family. If he is not around, who will take care of their family? So, she is focusing on nothing but her education so that she can be financially independent.

Case 2

A brother traveled away from home to study in a university. He got to learn about the importance of marriage at a young age from various Islamic sources. Knowing that his parents can support his marriage, he approached them, stating the need for marriage to save his Emaan. The parents refused. He was upset. One day, he stopped contacting every member of the family. He even blocked his family from all communication channels so that nobody could contact him. His family became restless. This continued for more than a week, turning the situation bitter with each passing day. But Alhamdulillah soon, the brother understood his mistake and asked forgiveness from his parents. Many weeks later, he explained that his mental state was such that had Islam not made it Haram, he would have committed suicide or castrated himself. He was upset, angry and hopeless for his life.

Case 3

An Islamic publication company faced an unexpected financial loss due to external PR disaster. Twenty five of its full time employees remained unpaid for two months. There was internal unrest. Management, employees and investors started taking reactive decisions, leading to a burnout. The company was forced to lay off 90% of its employees. Blame game and reactive activities continued amongst the management, board members and employees such that the company was on the verge of shutting down. After a long suffering, the company survived by the Mercy of Allah, and the publication continued its journey.

The above scenarios are all from different parts of the world, yet there is something common; the reality of uncertainty and its consequence: anxiety. Here, the issue is not that sister preparing to be financially independent. The issue is the constant fear and anxiety that she is living with everyday. Wanting to marry early and getting rejected by your own family is not the issue. The issue is the failure to establish a balance and maintain a positive life. Not being able to pay the salary is a big issue. But the situation really slips out of hands when you don’t pay attention to the bigger picture and divide yourself for ego, politics and all the wrong reasons.

Similar to above cases, everyday we are uncertain and anxious about several things. We are anxious about our livelihood, security, future etc. Uncertainty is a part of human life and it is increasing everyday. We question, not its existence, but the way it is dealt with. Not all uncertainties and anxieties are extreme like above cases, yet if you fail to control your anxiety, the uncertainty can lead to disaster. Generally, we tend to get anxious over uncertainty regarding finance, life partner, future of children, and life security. Each day, many fears and questions arise in our mind.

Some common anxiety triggers related to finance and wealth are:

• Will I be able to provide for my family?
• Who will provide for my family after my death?
• What if I lose my job or my business collapses?
• What am I going to leave behind for my family?

The fear of uncertainty and anxiety related to life partner could be:

• What if I am not happy with my spouse after marriage?
• What if my spouse never changes?
• What if I face a divorce?
• What if I lose my spouse?

Future of children is a major cause of anxiety for parents:

• What if I never have children?
• What if I don’t have a boy?
• What if I fail to raise good children?
• Will I be able to provide for my children?
• Will my children have a good life?

Fear related to security

• What will happen if this country becomes insecure to live in?

Is that all? No way! There are a gazillion other reasons for anxiety we carry each day.

Uncertainty can drive a person positively or negatively. If we strive and keep our mind over matter, uncertainty could be the reason for a spirited journey towards solution. But, if we are not careful enough, uncertainty can lead to panic and anxiety. In such a state, we are more likely to react unproductively.

Did you ever find yourself saying or thinking, ‘My brain is not working’? It means you are not in a state of making sound decisions. This is when people commit a lot of mistakes that they may regret later on. Some lose their integrity, some lose their cool. It can make us do things for wrong reasons. It can make people commit oppression, hurt their loved ones and the consequence comes with a package. It happened to you, and it could happen again. And if you don't know how to deal with it, it can cost a lot. It can cause destruction in your mind and health, your relationship, business or your career development. If you are better in dealing with your anxiety, you can avoid all the consequences mentioned above.

Remember that uncertainty is real but anxiety is a state of mind. Anxiety can be soothed and dealt with. When we are uncertain or anxious about something, we instinctively look for solution. For a Muslim, the solution is a combination of belief system, faith, and action.

Put your belief into action

The first step to subside anxiety is to put ‘Qadar’, an article of Iman, into action. Rasul ? mentioned six articles of Iman or faith. One of them is belief in Qadar, which means preordained destination: good or bad, all comes from Allah. As a Muslim, it is not enough that you merely accept the concept of Qadar theoretically. Rather, you need to reach a state where no matter what happens in your life, you know that it is from Allah and it has goodness. Whenever you face uncertainty and are anxious, know that Allah, The Almighty, The Most Powerful has complete knowledge of your situation. Nothing is happening without His permission. Allah ?????? ?????? would not put you in this situation if you could not bear its burden. Maybe the result of the situation is uncertain to you but remember, Allah ?????? ?????? knows it certainly. So whatever comes as the result is a reflection of choices, decisions and actions you are taking now. Don't let the uncertainty of outcome overpower you with stress, worry and anxiety. Don't let it stop you from doing that which is correct and certain to you. Instead of worrying about the unknown which is not in your control, focus on the choices, decisions and actions that are under your control. My mentor, Mirza Yawar Baig, made us memorize a quote of his: ‘I will not allow what is not in my control to prevent me from doing what is in my control.’ Memorize it now.

Transfer the responsibility

Everyday, we transfer scores of our tasks and responsibilities to computer and mobile applications. Interestingly, technology and global advancement is not decreasing the uncertainty but increasing it on a daily basis. The objective of this article is to help the reader to develop the skill of becoming comfortable with this uncertainty that we face on a daily basis. Psychologists have been helping people to develop this skill of being comfortable with uncertainty for very long time through something called ‘Responsibility Transfer’. Olivia Fox, an expert of behavioral science, wrote, “If we could be certain that things will workout- that everything will be taken care of- the uncertainty would produce much less anxiety”. Developing the skill of dealing with uncertainty will not necessarily solve your problem, but you will learn to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. It will help you to reduce anxiety and its harm.

Now imagine yourself in a situation of extreme uncertainty and anxiety. You are lost and looking for solution or at least someone who could help you out. Suddenly, a friend, who has all the means to help you and take you out of this situation, calls you saying, ‘Don’t worry, I will take care of it.’ How would you feel? Wouldn’t you feel relaxed despite the fact that the problem is not solved yet? Suddenly, you start finding more and more solutions that you could not think of before. You realize that you also have a lot of means to deal with the situation. In fact, out of nowhere, you find the most appropriate way to deal with that uncertain issue. You call your friend to thank him for being there for you as well as share your idea. Your friend loves the idea and congratulates you for the successful solution. Now pause here for a moment and think about it. What exactly happened here? Your friend did not even do the job, but the moment he took the responsibility from you, you became relaxed and you started to think more effectively and efficiently. Eventually, you came up with the best solution. This happened because you handed over the burden of uncertainty to somebody you trust. You know that he has all the means that you need and he will do what he says. So you transfer the responsibility to him. This is the main idea of ‘Responsibility Transfer’. The way psychologists train you to put it into practice is to make you imagine that friend and handover the responsibility. Which really works for many people.

SubhanAllah. When I was learning about ‘Responsibility Transfer’, I remembered the Ayah of the Quran we recite everyday at least seventeen times:

“It is You we worship and You we ask for help.”

[Al-Fatiha, 1:5]

Do we really mean it when we say it? I always wondered why, in the middle of the day, would Rasul ? ask, ‘Oh Bilal, when will you give us relief?’ I wondered how prayer (Salah) could relieve a person from day to day worries. Allahu Akbar. We are asking for help from Allah ?????? ?????? everyday. And who can help better than Allah ?????? ??????, The Ever Living Creator, Sustainer, All Wise, The Most Powerful, and The Owner of all means that exist? Allah ?????? ?????? said:

“Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return."”

[Al-Baqarah, 2:156]

Do we really turn to Allah ?????? ?????? the way we are supposed to? In contrast, a lot of times we hear people say, ‘Oh Allah, why me? What did I do that you put me in this situation?’ May Allah forgive us. SubhanAllah, do you think Allah ?????? ?????? would put you in a situation which you can’t handle? Don’t you think it must have some goodness in it? Allah ?????? ?????? is teaching us that whenever we face any problem, we should turn to Him, ask for His Help. Allah ?????? ?????? wants us to trust Him in moments of difficulty. He ?????? ?????? said:

“And upon Allah rely, if you should be believers."

[Al-Ma’ida, 5:23]

You don’t have to think of any imaginary friend to transfer the responsibility. You know that Allah ?????? ?????? is there for you, and all you have to do is trust Him and transfer the responsibility of uncertainty to Him ?????? ??????. Allah said:

“And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him.”

[At-Talaq, 65:2-3]

Allahu Akbar.

Rasul ? said that Allah says, ‘I am as my slave thinks I am.’

[Al-Bukhaari, 7066]

So, whenever a Muslim faces trouble, he puts his trust in the Almighty and declares:

“Sufficient for us is Allah, and [He is] the best Disposer of affairs.”

[Aal-i-Imran, 3:173]

You transfer the responsibility to Allah ?????? ?????? and relax. Allah ?????? ?????? will open the door for you. And that is how a Muslim shows remarkable charisma during the time of uncertainty. This is how you take Allah ?????? ?????? as your best friend, companion, and guide in the pursuit of becoming charismatic Muslim.

Help Yourself

After reading till here, you may be having a good feeling, thinking, ‘Hey, that’s easy! I knew this all the way!’ MashaAllah. It's good to feel this way. But I want you to close your eyes and look at your soul. Do you really have that Tawakkul in you? You will never know if you don't put it into practice. Now think of the biggest matter that is bothering you but you can't do anything about it. Close your eyes, and know that Allah is listening to you right now. Talk to Allah and give the responsibility to Him. Request Him to take care of it. Don’t stop requesting until you feel that He will accept your request. Open your eyes. Take a deep breath. How do you feel? Lighter? A bit happier? It means you have transferred the responsibility successfully. But if you still feel the same level of anxiety, that means you should close your eyes again and put more effort in your request. Do not stop until you feel calm and light. Now, practice it in all those situations that make you anxious. Do it while standing, sitting, or in your Sujud. Teach it to your friends and family. Tell them how you were benefited from it. Help them draw closer to Allah ?????? ??????.

Before sharing this article with you, I shared it with a sister whose father was going through cancer treatment. I am well aware of the family and I know how much stressed the family is and how much effort they all are putting to help their father heal. After reading this article, the sister shared her reflection with us. I would like to share a part of her reflection here. She said, ‘My personal takeaway is introspection (the examination or observation of one's own mental and emotional processes). I say that I have tawakkul, but do I really? If I do, then why don't I feel at ease leaving my affairs to Allah just as I would’ve felt if I left them to a friend or a knowledgeable person? The fact that I feel anxious is a sign of weak and dwindling tawakkul. As I was reading the example, I could relate it to our present situation here. How we are so restless to show to the doctor. How if he tells us that everything is fine, we will be fine and if he tells us that everything is not fine, we will not be fine, as if he is god, Nauzubillah. The fact here is that the doctor is physically present in front of us and his degree and experience reflects that he has better knowledge than us. But we forget that Allah has even better knowledge than that doctor.”

May Allah ?????? ?????? have mercy on her father. He passed away this Ramadan.

Take-away

??? ??? ???? ??? ???? ??? ????:? ??? ???? ???? ??? ???? ???? ???? ?:? “?? ??? ????????? ? ??? ???? ?? ?? ?? ??? ?????? ??? ?? ?? ?????? ????? ?? ??? ?? ??????"? ?(??(????? ??? ???? ?????? ?????)??)??.?

Ibn 'Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) said: The Messenger of Allah (?) said, "If anyone constantly seeks pardon (from Allah), Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide sustenance for him from where he expects not."

[Abu Dawud: Book 20, Hadith 1873]

Also, we should memorise the following Dua:

?????????? ????? ?????? ???? ???? ???????? ?? ????????? ? ?? ????????? ?? ????????? ? ?? ????????? ?? ????????? ? ?? ?????? ????????? ?? ???????? ??????????

Oh Allah, I seek refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.

[Sahih al-Bukhari 7:158, Al-Asqalani - Fath al-Bari 11:173]

Tell us about your reflection.

Author: Nabil Hasan

Editing: Sumna Tahqique

Illustration: Madiha Tahqique