How changing two letters can help you get your own way…

Imagine changing two letters in a word you use can help you get you influence people. Sounds too good to be true? Well here’s a little tip to help you do just that. (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t involve hypnosis or cattle prods.)?

Some decades ago there was a study undertaken at Stanford University where the boffins went to a local preschool and asked four and five-year-olds to help tidy a classroom. The place looked like my office – upturned chairs, colouring-in books everywhere, crayons littering the floor, etc etc.?

To half of the children, they said: “Hey, can you help clean up the classroom”??To the other kids, they said: “Hey, can you be a helper and clean the classroom?”?

A minor tweak in language. But did it make a major difference? Well, obviously yes - otherwise I wouldn’t be telling you about it. And it all came down to two letters. Adding ‘er’ to the end of the word ‘help’ boosted the number of children that helped tidy up by a staggering 30%.

And it’s not just kids in a classroom. More recently there was a study on voting where researchers mailed out thousands of leaflets to different people asking them to vote. For half they used the traditional approach: ‘Please go vote’. For the other half, they added a single letter ‘r’: ‘Please be a voter’ – which increased voter turn-out by 15%.

It seems that by inviting people to adopt a positive identity (to be a helper or a voter, for instance) rather than asking them simply to do something (help or vote), you really can make more people bend to your will.??

So why does it work? Well, we all like to hold what psychologists call ‘desirable identities’ - in other words, we want to see ourselves as smart and knowledgeable and attractive and athletic. Think yours truly on a good day.?

So, we try to behave in ways that allow us to see ourselves that way. Sure, we all know we should vote, we all know we should help, we mean to do those things; but if we can show ourselves and others that we really do hold desirable traits, then we’re more likely to fulfil that role.?

And it works with?‘self-talk’ too. Let’s imagine two people; one person runs, whilst the other person is a runner. Which do you think runs more? Which one takes it more seriously?

The runner.

Do you play golf or are you a golfer? Do you play tennis or are you a tennis player? Or, as my wife asks on a regular basis, do you do the washing up or are you a dishwasher?

Further research in a classroom found that, conversely, telling students “Don’t be a cheater” rather than simply “Don’t cheat” makes them less likely to do it.?

So, if you’re trying to build your relationship with someone, pat them on the back and call them a hard worker rather than just saying they work hard. And tell someone they’re a creator rather than they’re quite creative.

But, as always with these things, you have to be careful. If you’re trying to close a deal, never ask “Do you want to be a buyer?” Best to simply ask ‘Shall we go ahead?” Or forget the neurolinguistics and maybe just reach for that cattle prod…

Philip has just two public seminars this year (with Gavin Ingham). They are in London?on Wednesday?November 8th:?https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-new-rules-of-selling-2-from-good-to-great-tickets-634120670997

…and in?Leeds?on?November?15th: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-new-rules-of-selling-2-from-good-to-great-tickets-633940762887

Billed as ’The First Final Farewell Tour’ these are both entitled "The New?Rules Of?Selling Part 2:?From?Good To?Great"