How This Changed in my Approach to Communications Unlocked New Possibilities

“You are not listening!”

I hissed exasperatedly at my mentor, Avi Liran, when he gave a reply to a problem I was sharing with him about.

You may have said (or thought) those same words before, and felt justified in doing so.

I felt the same way too!

Until Avi’s response delivered a wake-up call to me, “I was listening alright. However, maybe I wasn’t understanding you right! But you just accused me of not listening!”

He continued, “Perhaps what you wanted to say, and perhaps could have said was ‘Maybe you’re not understanding correctly. Let me explain differently’.”

BAM!!!

I felt like I was hit with a bout of truth there! And I had a revelation just there and then.

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Our Words Determine our Worlds?

While you may think that this is nothing but just semantics, but it really is more than that.

When I said “You’re not listening”, I was putting the blame squarely on the other person.

However, in the latter, “Maybe you’re not understanding correctly. Let me say or explain it differently.” I am acknowledging what was factual – He did not understand correctly. I am accountable for my communication, and therefore, I have another go at getting the point across.

This reminded me what my business mentor, Marshall Thurber taught me,

"The meaning of your communication is the response you get."?

If the response I got was that the other person did not understand correctly, then the responsibility is on me as the communicator to get it right.

This change in approach has made a big difference in how I approach running my business. One particular example come to mind.

In the past few months, I’ve hired writers to craft my printed materials. When they couldn’t replicate 100% what I wanted to convey, I became quite frustrated with them and a part of me thought “I might as well save the money and write it myself!”

However, I recalled the lesson "The meaning of your communication is the response you get."?

If the writers couldn’t replicate exactly what I had in mind, then I would have to re-examine my approach to working with them. And I did just that.

I reflected on what I could delegate to them, and what I have to write myself. I realized that my writers are great at capturing the transcripts and essence of the interviews I conducted in order to research for the book and to find real-life case studies. On the other hand, I’ve also realized that it may be too much to expect the writers to completely understand the concepts I wanted to convey. After all, they are based on my years of real-world experiences, deep research and experimentation, and my own reflections. These are things that I would have to write myself and cannot be delegated.

With this clarity, I am now able to communicate my instructions and my desired outcomes in a more effective manner. I have also seen the quality of writing has improved to the extent that I just need to take a quick glance to approve them. Taking responsibilities for my communication has paid dividends!

To Become More Influential, Take Responsibility for your Own Communications

It is easy to get frustrated when we feel that people do not understand what we’re trying to tell them. However, this frustration will only cause you to waste unnecessary energy on a negative emotion. Instead, when we take responsibility of our own communications, we can develop communicative dexterity, and practice getting our messages across so powerfully that we become believed, admired and respected.?