How to Change Yourself

10 Key Lessons for Bouncing Back from the?Bottom

In today’s fast-paced world, change is constant, and the ability to adapt is crucial to success. However, many people struggle with change due to psychological barriers like fear, uncertainty, and negative self-talk.?

Some of us need to find our “rock bottom” before we consciously decide to get help and change our ways. The reality is harshest for the millions who land in prisons and struggle to find their way out and stay out.?

The Problem Is?Us

As of 2021, the prison population in the United States was approximately 1.8 million people. This makes the U.S. the country with the highest incarceration rate in the world.

Recidivism rates in the U.S. vary depending on the study and the population being studied. According to a 2018 Bureau of Justice Statistics report, about two-thirds (68%) of released prisoners were rearrested within three years, and more than half (56%) were re-incarcerated during that period.?

P-PREP in New York City is an example of a program that has successfully reduced recidivism rates through education, job training, and rehabilitation.?

According to a study by the RAND Corporation, individuals who participated in the program were 43% less likely to recidivate within three years than a matched control?group.

Causes and Correlations

Several factors, including poverty, mental health, substance abuse, lack of education and job opportunities, and systemic inequalities in the criminal justice system, influence the high incarceration rates in the United States.?

1. Family dysfunction is a massive problem. Broken families, family homicides, domestic violence, and growing foster care cases, is a contributing factors but one of many.
2. Poverty significantly contributes to incarceration. People who grow up in poverty face a lack of resources, education, employment opportunities, and systemic inequalities in the criminal justice system.
3. Mental health and substance abuse issues increase the risk of criminal behavior. Systemic inequalities in the criminal justice system, including racial disparities in sentencing and harsh sentencing laws, disproportionately impact specific groups.

To address the high incarceration rates, a multifaceted approach is needed, including providing resources and support to individuals and families impacted by poverty, mental health and substance abuse issues, and lack of education and job opportunities, as well as addressing systemic inequalities in the criminal justice system.?

Rethinking how we approach crime and punishment is necessary to change the?system.

Change or Die, the?Book

“Change or Die: The Three Keys to Change at Work and in Life” by Alan Deutschman offers practical insights on overcoming these barriers and achieving meaningful change in both work and life.

According to the Delancey Street Foundation’s website, the program has helped over 20,000 people since its inception in 1971. The program's success rate is around 70%, meaning that 70% of its participants do not return to prison or other criminal behavior.?

The harsh reality is success rates can vary depending on various factors, including the individual’s commitment to change and the severity of their past behavior.

10 Key Lessons for Embracing Change Even When It’s?Harsh

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Nelson Mandela

Change or Die offers ten key lessons that can be applied to any change process. The reality is that the more we believe in our God-given ability to change, the faster we change, even when we face the toughest challenges.

Delancey Street Foundation's new program participants come from a variety of sources. Judges or parole officers refer some, while others are self-referred. The program is open to people of all ages, genders, races, and backgrounds with a history of substance abuse, homelessness, or criminal behavior. The foundation aims to provide a supportive community and environment for individuals committed to turning their lives around and making positive changes.

1. The first lesson is that change is hard. We often resist change due to fear and uncertainty. The Delancey Street Foundation program participants exemplify this, needing to face their past, take accountability, and commit to a new lifestyle to succeed.
2. Another important lesson is that crises can catalyze change. We are often more open to change when faced with a crisis, such as a health scare or a financial setback. This is certainly true for the ex-convicts in the Delancey Street Foundation program. They have experienced the consequences of their past behavior and are motivated to change their lives.
3. Support is crucial for successful change, as those who receive it are more likely to succeed. Isolating ourselves during tough times can be detrimental, and seeking support from those who have what we want can help us improve ourselves one day at a time. The Delancey Street Foundation provides a supportive community for its participants, who rely on each other for encouragement, motivation, and accountability.
4. Change is typically incremental. Patience is a virtue for a reason. Seeking instant gratification can make us feel crazy and cause us to miss the mark. Instead, small, incremental changes over time are often more sustainable and lead to success. This is evident in the success of the Delancey Street Foundation program participants, who make small changes in their daily lives that eventually lead to more significant changes, such as starting their businesses.
5. Focusing on the positive benefits of change is essential for motivation. The Delancey Street Foundation program participants focus on positive aspects such as sobriety and building successful businesses, emerging from dark places to find the light through unconditional community support and accountability.
6. Change your story by processing your head trash. Who talks to you worse than you speak to yourself? People’s beliefs about themselves and their situations can be powerful barriers to change. Changing your story about yourself and your situation can help you overcome these barriers. This is certainly true for the ex-convicts in the Delancey Street Foundation program. They must change their story about themselves as criminals and reframe their identity as productive members of society.
7. Find a role you like, trust, respect, and remain accountable to them. Keeping your word is essential for success, and one way to achieve personal and professional development is through apprenticeship and working with a role model. Both involve learning from someone with more experience, personal relationships, observation, and a transformative impact on personal growth. The Delancey Street Foundation program provides mentors as role models for participants, inspiring and motivating them toward transformational success.
8. Be willing to take all feedback, positive and negative, constructively.
9. Taking responsibility for everything that happens to us and being open to feedback is critical to personal growth and success. The Delancey Street Foundation program provides valuable feedback to participants from peers and mentors, helping them stay focused on their goals and build character traits like humility and resilience. Embracing feedback helps us identify areas for improvement, stay goal-focused, and adapt to new situations for a fulfilling and meaningful life.
10. Embrace the process. Life is a process, not an event. Nobody can control outcomes despite our best effort. We can control how we find the flow in work and life by focusing on the joy of the process. Change is often a process that involves setbacks and challenges. Embracing and seeing the process as an opportunity for growth can help you stay committed to the change. This is an essential lesson for anyone trying to change their life. The Delancey Street Foundation program participants understand that change is a process and that setbacks are normal.
11. Believe in yourself. Change is possible when given a burning desire to get through any aspect of a living hell on earth. It’s called the Biology of Belief; faith. Think “Placebo Effect” in action through your intention. The final lesson from “Change or Die” is that change is possible, despite challenges. The Delancey Street Foundation program participants prove this. Practicing daily with an open mind and acceptance helps us love ourselves and what used to frustrate us. Changing negative self-talk and views leads to a happier world.

“The best way out is always through.” — Robert?Frost

Change or Die shows that change is a challenging yet necessary aspect of growth and personal development. Through real-life case studies, it highlights the importance of support, incremental progress, focusing on the positive, and changing our internal narratives to facilitate positive change.

In conclusion, “Change or Die” is an inspiring and practical guide to overcoming psychological barriers to change. It shows us that change is possible, and by applying the ten key lessons, we can achieve meaningful personal and professional growth.

This article was originally published on Medium. I’m a partner in a commercial real estate investment, development, and consulting firm based in Scottsdale, Arizona. When not serving our client investors, my passion and mission is empowering people to transform consciousness by understanding the convergence of faith, spirituality, and science. Subscribe to The God Chill newsletter on Substack by clicking here.

Research sources for this article include Swisher, R. R., & Shaw, J. (2017). Incarceration and the Family: A Review of Research and Promising Approaches for Advocacy and Practice. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 9(4), 518–535; Wildeman, C., & Turney, K. (2014). Positive, Negative, or Null? The Effects of Foster Care on the Incarceration of Children. American Sociological Review, 79(3), 491–516; and Western, B. (2006). Punishment and Inequality in America. New York: Russell Sage Foundation.