How to Change your Connection at Home Now to Help You On the Road

When traveling, I found the Connect energy habit, the last of the three mental energy habits, an interesting one with road warriors.

Some road warrior families have never known anything different. It was just the way it always was for them. The spouse married into this lifestyle and the kids were born into it. That’s the way it was with my father as a road warrior. Other families didn't have such an easy transition to the traveling life.

And there are those who kinda prefer the time apart. The traveler has their groove and the spouse and/or kids get into their groove and things are just seems more peaceful this way.

Then it hit us. Who would’ve thought in their wildest dreams that a world health pandemic would paralyze business travel for weeks and then months?!

As a result, we’re working from home all of the time and traveling for work none of the time.

And we’re thrown into a new normal; from in-and-out of our families’ lives to seeing those people all of the time whether we or they want to all of the time.

But the key question is: how are you connecting with those you love at home during this extended period of time?

Or to ask it another way: have you leveraged this time home to prepare you relationally for the road when we get back to road life?

The whole purpose of this six-part series is to look at this never-before time in history and completely alter our work and home lives to our advantage.

How? By implementing the six energy habits at home as well as the road.

Connecting is an easy energy habit to be reactive. Staying connected is its own battle and must be addressed to become an elite road warrior.

Ever felt this way when traveling?

“I’m killing it on the road but getting killed at home.”

“I’m important on the road but invisible at home.”

“I’m in control when I travel but lose control in my own home.”

“I tell others what to do on the road but only get told what to do at home.”

“The guilt of being gone is just overwhelming, and I feel my kids will hold it against me someday.”

Then, why is CONNECT one of the six energy habits? Because our families and relationships are our ultimate gauge of success. 

It took a while for me to truly grasp this reality: as road warriors, we are not present in our key relationships when we’re on the road. I know that sounds obvious, but the lack of presence over time changes things, and rarely for the better. 

I learned that for far too long, I was a check-in guy only. I checked in when it was convenient for me and my schedule rarely considering how it was affecting my wife and kids back home.

And I was SO good at catching everyone at the wrong time: dinner, football practice, piano lesson, bedtimes.

Over time, I needed to become a Connect-in Guy and leave that Check-in Guy at home.

Now, I’m home all the time and it’s almost as big of an adjustment as having to work at home with everyone else around.

The focus on the road was quality time. The focus being home all the time is quantity time. I’m here, how do I maximize it now?

This is a major mindset change and will take some work.

Here is the Protect Connect Formula to leverage energy habit six of connect.

How to Change your Connection at Home Now to Help You On the Road

There are three parts of the Protect Connect Formula:

1. Connect Intentionally

Key Phrase: Think Be Consistent

Intentionality is a rare trait these days, especially in relationships. Remember, most treat them reactively.

How do you connect intentionally? I want us to think of both home on this energy habit but also on the road.

Be COMMITTED

When I first started to be more connected with the family, my biggest struggle was my inconsistency. I would be actively engaged on one trip, then would “go dark” on the next. It wasn’t by design; it just seemed to happen. Easy to do, and I had every excuse to back it up (verified by other road warriors who sucked at connecting), but do you know what I lost the most? An opportunity to build momentum due to consistency.

This can’t be a “one and done.” If anything, it will confuse your family and they will wonder if something is going on with you. If you’re married, your spouse may think you’re up to something!

Your Commitment to Connect Needs to Remain, No Matter What

If you’re going to have a busy day or evening, carve out a few minutes to think ahead and plan ahead. 

Most travel schedules can be navigated by planning ahead, which we discussed in detail with the Perform energy habit. Now that you know you need to be committed to your Connect energy habit, you’ll need to begin looking for ways you can keep up the momentum.

Your schedule will be your biggest inhibitor to your consistency at first. But remember, your commitment to connect needs to remain, no matter what. 

It becomes a vow to your family that you’re going to be the road warrior who is committed to going beyond the bare minimum to deepen your most important relationships. 

Did you catch that? A commitment. 

This means it’s a priority and that often means NOT doing something else in order to honor your commitment. This is possible once you embrace becoming intentional in how you connect with those you care about while on the road.

But initially, this starts as an internal commitment or with another road warrior. This is NOT to be proudly declared to your family in some grand presentation. You don’t call a family meeting, have everyone sit in front of the living room and impress them with your PowerPoint on how you will be committed.

Why not? You are really good at PowerPoint, after all. Well, although that might be true, they need to experience your commitment, not have it announced. They need to feel it, not be told about it. Over a period of time that is as consistent as your travel.

This may be one of your biggest challenges on the road. You think eating healthy or exercising is difficult? I deeply encourage you to make this commitment internally and prove it externally. 

It can be done and is done every day of business travel for an elite road warrior. But part of being committed in this manner requires a characteristic quality rarely found in most people, let alone a road warrior. And it is being patient.

And at home, this means that I’m not ALWAYS working. It’s easy to not have any boundaries because my days are longer having to stop to help someone with school or give my wife a break so my work hours have just expanded.

I need to shut the computer down and be done with the workday. I do this audibly and say “case closed” as I close my laptop. My family knows I’m officially on their time now.

Now my son wants to throw a football. My daughter wants me to bump a volleyball. My wife wants me to start dinner.

And I do because I want to be intentional. 

Be PATIENT

I’ve found most road warriors are anything but patient. One would think that the road, with all of its challenges and opportunities, would teach us patience!

But patience in the area of growing your connection with your family while on the road is paramount. If you’ve been a slacker in this area of travel, be realistic. 

It will take time to warm your family back up to this “new way” of connecting with you. If you’re anything like me, you’re also impatient and will want instant recognition for your incredible efforts. You’ll want full credit right away - heaps of praise thrown on to you. But, it probably won’t happen that way.

They may be even skeptical at first and not respond the way you wanted or hoped for, especially with the effort you put in. You may hear crickets. You may get pushback like, “What was that for?” But keep the faith. It’s worth it in the long run because you’re investing in the people you love, and they will very likely grow to love and depend on your investment into their lives while you’re away.

Often, I need to remind travelers that neglected relationships often take longer to heal. It took months and even years for the relationship to decay, so it’s going to take time for it to turn around. It’s hard when you put the time and effort for it not to be appreciated. But just because there wasn’t the expected response, doesn’t mean it didn’t matter to them.

Here’s a challenge: Don’t ask how they felt about what you did to connect on your trip - let them come to you. When you ask, it puts them on the spot to say what they think you want to hear, not what they may really be feeling. So, let them bring it up to you.

At home, if you’ve not been intentional and present, start now. As much as we may not like it, we’re still not going to be able to travel. Turn this relational thing around and begin to connect with your family today!

PLAN

You may be Spontaneous Scott or Sharon, and you can be that from time to time, but to be intentional, it must be planned. How consistent are you with your current check-in system? And the results? Just average at best? 

I’m with you, man. I did it this way for years, and it made very little difference. I can’t speak for you, but I want any efforts over time to make a lasting difference, especially with my family; hence the need to change and plan it.

This is what it looks like for me. I schedule CONNECT in my planner, just like I do a meeting or anything work-related because what gets scheduled, gets done, or at least the chances of it getting done dramatically increase.

Plan the When - This is absolutely critical, especially when you’re starting out and building this as a habit in your road routine. You don’t need to schedule an hour. When you first start out, it may be only 5 or 10 minutes. I suggest 15 so you don’t feel rushed, but put on the calendar CONNECT and lock it in. If you can put it in the same place most days, it will only help the habit to take form. MOST of the time, I schedule CONNECT before my day has a chance of going off the tracks, so it’s more likely to happen. It’s become part of my energy hour, so I know it gets done, usually, before my family even wakes up.

Plan the What - In order to be effective, you need to know what you’re going to do to connect. We’ll get into the details of a number of ideas for “the what”, but know in advance it’s part of the planning. Being clear about “the what” will only help build a lasting habit that makes a real difference with those who matter most.

This applies to home life as well. I commit to doing something with my wife or kids or as a family then plan the when and what so I’m intentional. And oh how they hold me to it! And I want them to because at some point I will be back on the road and I want to have invested in them during this time.

2. Connect Thoughtfully

Key Phrase: Think Be Meaningful

With Connect, it’s easy to react and not be intentional and it’s easy to just respond without thought. This is true both on the road and at home.

Here are Four Ways to be Thoughtful

1. PLAN AHEAD

Yes, we talked about planning in Connect Intentionally; this is similar but not the exact same type of planning. Often, it’s challenging to be thoughtful when you’re put on the spot. If we don’t claim to be thoughtful overall, at the moment it may be a big ask. 

No worries. Also, if you’re in a hurry, being thoughtful for even the best of us turns out less than ideal. Again, not a problem IF you plan ahead. This takes the pressure off of sending something meaningful that really matters to the recipient.

Often, I’ll write messages to my wife or kids and put them in a specific Evernote note. We discussed think space back in the "Develop" energy habit, and this is a perfect think space opportunity! I may create them with my think space journal then transfer them to Evernote where I can copy and paste them for later use. 

The point is not having the pressure to think of something thoughtful just to check a box. I want this to matter. As a result, I’ll dedicate some time to think of ways to connect that are thoughtful. When I do this, it takes a few moments to get in the zone of thoughtful, but I’ve taught myself to take this time, and when I reflect on the little things in my family’s lives, it’s amazing how quickly ideas come to me. The key is catching them than capturing them in a quick access place.

I challenge you to do this even at home. 

2. WRITTEN WORD

There is power in the words we write, especially when they’re thoughtful. When I can tell someone put some genuine thought into what they sent to me, it has incredible power. 

But oftentimes, they don’t come in a moment’s notice or especially when the pressure is on, so this makes plan ahead all the more important.

When I’m on the road, I send meaningful words to my high school sons by leveraging a postcard I get from each city no matter big or small, or if I’ve been there before. I use that small space to breathe words of encouragement and what I see in them, whom they are becoming, and letting them know when I saw them doing something good.

I also send Connect Cards to my other kids. They were made "by kids for kids” and have two different versions of:

• Miss You 
• Love You
• Thinking of You
• Proud of You
• Need You

They absolutely love getting these cards made by kids for them. And all the profit goes to a non-profit called Warrior Wagons, which helps families going through pediatric cancer. So a double win when you purchase Connect Cards at our online store.

Here’s a tip: Try to envision the person you’re sending the words to; consider what they’re currently experiencing or going through and how it will make them feel at the moment. When I take just a moment to put myself in their position, my attitude and my words tend to change.

Since I’m doing connect for my kids, I wanted to do something thoughtful for my wife. I found this beautiful journal and decided I would write a thought, memory, encouragement, etc. for her every day I’m on the road. I called it the Not Forgotten Journal (NFJ).

The moment she received the Not Forgotten Journal and began to read the entries, she was reminded of just how much she was not forgotten when I was on the road and how much thought went into my words. You can purchase your own here.

The vehicle of a text, email, or even a written note is still powerful if you leverage connecting thoughtfully, so maximize it.

3. RECORDINGS

This may seem redundant when you can simply send a text, make a phone or video call. So, why do a recording?

One word: playback.

I want my wife and kids to playback the thoughtful message at any point. Whenever they want to, it’s there for them to consume again and again. My wife and kids absolutely love to playback a recording from me even days or weeks later, especially if it’s meaningful, memorable, or creative.

Here are two specific ways I do recordings:

• Audio - I will do a voice memo and send it to them so they can hear my voice. Again, I can record these well in advance and even batch them. Your voice “on-demand” is soothing to your family, so don’t discount it. Get over how awkward it may feel at the beginning. Write it out and practice it a couple of times so you get comfortable. If you planned a few minutes, you’ll have more than enough time to get it right.
• Video - Nothing beats both hearing and seeing whenever you’re able to do so. This may take a little practice getting used to, but sometimes the goof-ups are more real-life and better received anyway.

Here are some video ideas that I do with my family:

• I have a special song I’ve always sung to my daughter. Here are the words: “Good night my child, good night my love. Always forever you’ll be. Nothing you say, nothing you do, will ever change how I love you.” It’s OUR song and when I’m away, I want her to be able to hear my voice and sing along with me anytime she wants to before bed. This has been big for us.
• My youngest is a toddler, and I’ve always been goofy with him. One time I said, “Oda Baby, Oda Baby, bum bum bum bum!” and he absolutely loved it. So, when I do the first part, he repeats the second part. It is kind of our thing now so it helps him when I’m away. I’ve recorded it and this little one can find the video on my wife’s iPhone, and he will watch it over and over, doing “his part” of the "bum bum bum bum." The family loves it and he’s locked in.
• When I was in Spain and Italy I would record videos due to the big time difference. I would show them my walk from the hotel to the office. I would introduce them to people I was meeting or when I was out to dinner. I showed them the sites I visited in Rome.
• Often, I’ll send a quick “thinking of you and here’s why” video to my wife. When I do this in the morning, usually before she even gets to her phone, this sets her day up completely different knowing she’s on my mind. This is a big win and I’ll take it, especially not knowing what her day may be like as a school teacher or dealing with my crew of kids when they get home!

If you’ll notice, there’s nothing life-changing here. It is simply including my family in my “life on the road” and letting them know I am thinking about and missing them.

And I still leave audio messages for my wife and do fun videos for and with my kids. We’re creating memories and they love to go back and watch them even now.

4. GIFTS

I’ve trained myself to look for little things I can bring home to someone I love (family or friends) that lets them know I was thinking about them. The cost or the size is really irrelevant, but the point is their spouse or parent or friend took the time to find something for them and brought it back. This is huge because most people are simply not thoughtful and don’t follow-through.

Suggestion: I’m doing most of the grocery shopping right now and using this time to pick up little things I know my wife and kids will like and will let them know I was thinking of them: flowers or chocolate for my wife, treat or something for the pool for my kids. It doesn’t have to be a big item but something that lets them know Dad was on their mind.

Guys aren't known for our thoughtfulness, so we can really use this time to practice being thoughtful before we hit the road.

Here’s the 3rd and last part in the Protect Connect Formula:

3. Connect Creatively

I've used two words to be my mantra for Connect Creatively:

BE MEMORABLE.

And this is our key phrase for Connect Creatively: Think Be Memorable

I want to do things my wife and kids will remember and look forward to while I’m away on business travel. I also want them to look back years from now and tell others how much time and energy I put into connecting at a deep level. That would make me incredibly proud, especially in light of how I started. I am far from the early days when I was just the check-in guy.

Another joy is when other travelers see what I’m doing, whether I involve them in one of my creative ideas or they just watch me from afar. At first, I was self-conscious, but it’s amazing how supportive people will be when they see you doing something for your family. 

They usually ask questions and are very affirming of my efforts, knowing what an impact it’s making on my family. Those words serve as reinforcement that a complete stranger in multiple cities affirms my efforts.

Connect creatively can be the most enjoyable energy habit, but it is also the one that comes with the most pressure. Whether it’s from coming up with creative ideas or feeling the pressure to outdo yourself, it could be very easy for the pressure to steal the joy out of connecting creatively.

I can do this just as much at home and especially during this time when we can’t “come and go” as we please which actually forces me to be more creative right now at home.

SEVEN CONNECT CREATIVELY KICK-STARTERS

1. Begin with what's natural to you

When you begin to connect creatively, it’s much harder than you may anticipate. I know, this isn’t what you wanted to hear, especially if you don’t view yourself as creative! No worries, I got you, so hang in there. Start with what’s natural to you. If you like to write, then write first. If you like to talk, chat away. If you like to take pictures, start there. If you’re good with video, that can be your thing.

2. Be age-appropriate

No two kids are exactly alike, and neither are the ways you connect with them creatively. Here are some examples:

• I mentioned earlier how I send postcards to my high school sons from every single city I travel - age-appropriate.
• My two grade-school kids absolutely love the Flat Kiddos. Not sure what that means? It’s flat-out ripped off from the idea of the Flat Stanley character often used as a project in school. You send a cut-out of a character (Flat Stanley) who is able to travel to places (because he’s flat), and the receiver of Flat Stanley takes pictures and tells the story of the adventures of Flat Stanley in a new location. My cousin in Southern California sent her son’s Flat Stanley to us in Chicago for his adventures (and we rocked it, for the record). As a result, I cut out two characters and had my middle two kids color them. 

They find themselves in all types of locations and adventures with Dad on the road. My kids absolutely love seeing the pictures each day of my travel. I have SO many pictures of my Flat Kiddos and have a blast being creative so my kids know I’m thinking of them in so many places on the road. 

You can purchase your own Flat Kiddos that come in grade schoolboy or girl and toddler boy or girl.

• You also know your significant other, close friends, and others whom you can engage in a way that is age-appropriate and memorable. Spend some time in think space to get creative with them as well. (The Not Forgotten Journal came out of a think space session.)

3. Involve others

At first, I was VERY self-conscious connecting creatively on the road, but then I realized how much joy it brought other people just watching me! When I chose to involve them, they absolutely loved it, and it made their monotonous day better and more memorable.

4. It's okay to repeat something

Everything doesn’t have to be new every single time. There are certain things I do every single trip; the difference is the location. For example, my kids like to see my rental car (I tend to get really cool cars - thanks to National Executive Elite!) along with seeing my hotel room. They enjoy the tour, and I try to add something funny to keep it light and new.

Flat Kiddos end up everywhere, but what’s new is some fun spots they may find themselves in. I send postcards to my older boys from every city. It is the same thing but spun with a creative twist whenever possible.

5. Creatively Educate

My older two never remember what city I’m in until they get the postcards. I try to tell them something educational about the location. My middle two are still grasping where in the world (literally) Dad is right now. So, I decided to try something. I printed a map of the United States (or Canada or Europe depending on my travels) to show them where Dad will be and the dates. They follow the arrows on the dates; this lets them know exactly where Dad is on that day. (Modern-day Where’s Waldo, if you will)

6. Make Light of Yourself

It’s easy to take ourselves too seriously, especially when we are dressed in business attire. But those back home, especially our kids, don’t see us this way. So, anytime you can make light of yourself, take full advantage of it. As I mentioned in a previous chapter, my father used to say, “Son, I’ll never see them again, and I just might bring some joy to them in the meantime!”

7. Look for Ideas Consistently

There are SO many ideas out there, especially if you don’t feel you’re creative or, like me, you’ve been doing connect creatively for a while. The more I look for ideas, the more I find them, and this is how:

• Locations - There are locations you’re always in, if you begin to look at them differently, that can serve as a creative possibility.
• Seek Input - When someone sees me taking a picture or involving someone else, they may share an idea. I’ve found a number of ideas this way.

Again, adapt these ideas for home right now but also begin to think and plan for ways to take this creative show on the road by getting the Not Forgotten Journal, Flat Kiddos, and Connect Cards while you have the time.

Your action items may be:

• Commit to becoming a Connect-In Guy or Connect-in Girl now
• Purchase a Not Forgotten Journal
• Purchase Flat Kiddos and have the kids color them and explain to them why this matters
• Purchase Connect Cards so you have them ready to go for when you travel

Get your Connect Swag today and be a Connect-In Guy or Girl!

For more information on Elite Road

Warrior, visit EliteRoadWarrior.com