How to Change the Unchangeable

I've never heard of Swami Vivekananda but I find his quote, "Change of the unchangeable would be a contradiction" very interesting.

(FYI - Swami was a Hindu monk & philosopher 1863-1902)

As a so-called, Champion of Change I also find it very interesting that I'm married to someone who hates change. (Funny how opposites attract)

However, this has caused me to see change through an extremely different lens and helped me understand the resistance that is sometimes associated with change.

I've written AND read many insights on the topic of change and transition, and one truth continues to surface.........You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink, HOWEVER, you can salt their oats.

In order for the change to be effective, someone who is resistant to change has to have buy-in and eventually want it.

As we joke in the counseling world......

How many counselors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but it has to want to change!!!

Thus, it is the same when looking to change the unchangeable, or perhaps better stated - change resistant (like the person I'm currently sleeping with).

So, how do we salt the change-resistant person's oats or get that lightbulb to want to change?

It's simple.....they have to see or feel the benefit of the change.

And how do we help them see the benefit?

By making sure they are part of the process.

In my 5 RULES of Change I discuss the Refocus that initially needs to happen. This is the very first stage where we strategically plan, set new measurable objectives, and incubate the passion for the upcoming change.

I've discovered the change-resistant person has a tendency to own the new change when they are part of this initial process.

I also understand that the change should not deviate too far from your 'central features' like Brad Stulberg describes in his book - Master of Change. In other words, do not throw the baby out with the bath water and do a complete 180 degrees from your current position, unless you'd like to create a whole room full of change-resistant rascals.

So, if you want to lead change in your organization, family, congregation, or community. Find the most change-resistant rascal and make them part of the process.

The best leaders are not threated by rascals because they know it's easier to tame a tiger than raise the dead. And a change-resistant rascal left on their own could cause challenges for the change you seek to make.

Like I've discovered in my marriage, this can create a stronger bond in your relationships (after working through the associated challenges) while also giving the change-resistant person more ownership of the change.

If you'd like to learn more about Change Like a Champion and the services available go to my website: Kurt A. David website