How to change other people’s behaviour

Other people are so frustrating.?

If only they would behave differently, our life as leaders would be so much easier.

I've heard leaders complain about these types of behaviours:

• Not wanting to adopt new policies or procedures
• Oblivious to their impact on others
• Self-absorbed and entitled
• Micromanaging and controlling
• Incompetence and underperformance
• Overwhelm and moodiness.

I am sure you have plenty of additional problematic behaviours to add to this list!

There are plenty of reasons why people might not shift their behaviours. Let’s dig into these.

There are six layers of behaviour resistance you may need to consider in order to invite someone to change.

As they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.

You can however, make that pond of change as appealing as possible.

Here’s how.

The Six layers of Behaviour Change Resistance and the Solutions

1) “I can’t see why I should change.”?

This is a problem of DESTINATION. They don’t have a compelling reason or ‘why’ for the change.?

Destination is the start of any meaningful change.

Much of your role as leader is spent explaining the WHY of what you do: why the organisation exists, its primary contribution to its customers and stakeholders, why your team does what it does, why policies you implement are important, why the technology you use has been implemented.

So you may need to do some storytelling and explaining and showing the WHY of the change you need.

2) “I am focused on myself.”

We are all the centre of our own universe.

It’s only through the profound gift of feedback that we discover how others might see us.?

As we share the impact of someone’s attitude or behaviour, perhaps revealing for the first time the positive or negative impact they are having, we shift the DIRECTION of their gaze from focus on self to focus on others.

This is no minor feat.?

Being able to walk in someone else’s shoes is a major developmental milestone for all of us.?

3) “I can only see so far.”

As a leader, you have an incredible advantage of perspective. You have access to more information, more insights, more perspective than your team members.

Don’t assume that others see what you do. Perspective is power: share it.

As we develop leadership maturity, we grow our capability to deal with complexity and ambiguity.

If you have someone who is showing what you think is entitled behaviour, ask, ‘what are they not seeing in this situation?’

Maybe they don’t know how a business operates. Maybe they are not aware of the team’s broader competing priorities. Maybe they do not understand the full scope of your role. Perhaps they do not know the process for making suggestions or advocating for an improvement.

Try and broaden their understanding of context to build PERCEPTION of what is happening around them.

4) “It works for me.”

This is a particularly challenging behaviour to address.

Someone who operates as a micro manager for example, has a solid reason to do so: there is a payoff for it.?

Work gets done right, on schedule, under full supervision.

The micromanager feels less stressed when they know what is going on. Why let go of that?

It may be that there are not enough deterring CONSEQUENCES for their behaviour.

Do they check in repeatedly but no one complains about the frequency? Do they wish to approve every email before it goes out but no one tells them it is contributing to delays and poor morale??

Or how about these other challenging behaviours we often see in workplaces: Do they make fun of others and no one says anything? Do they dominate team conversation in meetings but no one interrupts them? Do they miss deadlines and avoid a reprimand?

Sometimes the behaviour needs negative consequences to outweigh the positive payoffs in order to invite change.?

People need to know they can’t get away with problematic behaviours. They get put on notice, get moved to performance management, get demoted, or are made redundant. What consequences do you need to make clear?

5) “I don’t know another way.”

Let’s revisit the micromanager. One simple reason for their behaviour is that they may not know how to delegate or supervise effectively.?

The change required might simply be a CAPABILITY issue. Help them develop the skills required for the new behaviour.

6) “It’s too much for me.”

I love the origin story of Outward Bound. During World War II, when the German u-boats bombed British shipping vessels, many sailors ended up in life rafts.?

Owner of the Blue Funnel Shipping Line, Laurence Holt, kept wondering why it was that the young sailors were dying at a greater rate than the older sailors when drifting out at sea, hoping for rescue.

After all, they were young and fit. Why were they giving up?

It turns out that the older sailors had the benefit of life experience to help them contend with the dire situation. They’d been through rough times, they could make it through this perilous predicament.

Holt teamed up with educator Kurt Hahn, and Outward Bound was born. It was a concentrated program of intense experiences designed to give the young sailors the skills, and most importantly, the mindset and frameworks to contend with difficult situations.

Though I will always advocate for outdoor adventure as a means to develop teams and individuals, this is not always practical for many.

Instead, we can shape the CAPACITY of our team members by sharing useful mindset, self care, and other resilience strategies to help them feel more in control of their personal and work worlds.

Implementing a change strategy is easy: it’s providing a roadmap to somewhere new.

What’s harder is helping our fellow humans see, feel, and do something they may not know yet is a good thing.

Be kind and compassionate as you go about leading those horses.

Live well, lead well.

About Zo? Routh, Canberra leadership futurist

Zo? Routh is a leadership futurist, podcaster , and multiple award-winning author . She works with leaders and teams to explore what's coming and what it means for leadership of the future.

She has worked with individuals and teams internationally and in Australia since 1987. From wild Canadian rivers to the Australian Outback, and the Boardroom jungles, Zo? is an adventurist! She facilitates strategy and culture for the future with audacious teams.

Zo?'s fourth leadership book, People Stuff - Beyond Personality Problems: An advanced handbook for leadership , won the Book of the Year at the Australian Business Book Awards in 2020. Her fifth book is a leadership futurist science fiction dystopian novel, The Olympus Project .

Zo? is the producer of the Zo? Routh Leadership Podcast , dedicated to asking “What if…?”? and sharing big ideas on the Future of Leadership.

Zo? is an outdoor adventurist and enjoys telemark skiing, has run 6 marathons, is a one-time belly-dancer, has survived cancer, and loves hiking in the high country. She is married to a gorgeous Aussie and is a self-confessed dark chocolate addict.