How Not Care What People Think About You

If you're one of those people who constantly worries what others think of you, this article may help you get off in the right direction, reversing those unpleasant thoughts. No matter what it is that you obsess about — looking good for complete strangers, listening to rumors, getting into a negative cycle — the following information should help let you begin to turn your life around.

1. Stop over-thinking. Most of the time, when you think you are being judged, you probably aren't. It's just too hard to judge every single person you meet, analyzing their flaws and imperfections like they're a test you're grading.

• One way to test this is to push your limits a little and do something that is a bit out of the ordinary for you. See how people react. Chances are that only your “friends” will notice the change and make comments, but a random stranger really won’t care.
• Learn to catch yourself when you start over-thinking. Recognize this pattern of abuse and do something to overcome it. For example, every time you over-think, force yourself to compliment an aspect of your personality. This should help to give you a better self-esteem:
  • "Thinking is good. I pay attention to all the little details. I notice things that other people don't notice, but I should use this ability to be positive, not negative."
  • "I care about being good at something. No one can achieve perfection, but I try to put my best foot forward. If I fail or under-perform, it's not like I didn't try. That's all I can do."
  • "I care about principles. I have values, and I try to live by them. The world doesn't always work the way I want it to, but that doesn't mean that I'll stop trying. I will accept it when it doesn't."
• Read Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior and apply the principles in it.

2. Put things into perspective. People who obsess about what others think tend to put ‘issues’ under the microscope and can't see the forest for the trees. People who don't obsess about what other people think tend to look at the big picture. You only get one chance at life; are you going to allow other people’s thoughts to make it less enjoyable? Sounds silly now, doesn’t it.

• Give it some time. Apart from the fact that life really is too short to worry about things like this, the other aspect is that people’s feelings change. For example, say one moment people insult you for wearing yellow shoes, giving you the impression you shouldn’t wear them. What if this person's opinion changes, and they start wearing yellow shoes themselves? People change their minds, so what they think now might not matter in the future.
• Make a list of all the things that you are grateful for. Putting it into a list really helps. It makes things tangible, more real. Once you see everything that has gone right for you — maybe your family, your intelligence, your health — you begin to realize that life is more about what you do have than what you don't have. Be appreciative of what life gives you, not resentful of what it doesn't.
• Take pleasure in the small things in life. Begin to see beauty in everyday things, like a child playing with a dog. Take comfort in everyday things, like a warm cup of tea. Find happiness in everyday things, like a story about overcoming hardship, told by your friend.

3. Be confident in yourself. What if we could eliminate the amount of times we second-guess ourselves? Well, you can. The trick, if you want to call it that, is to simply be more confident in the decisions and actions you are taking.

• Have you never seen someone who is sporting something out of the ordinary, but just seems normal and isn't being judged? If you are wearing yellow shoes and are clearly uncomfortable about them, people are going to target you: they can see your insecurity and they'll attack you in order to feel better about themselves. Don't pre-judge yourself before others do; they'll be less likely to judge you in the first place!
• Here are some small, but powerful, self-confidence boosters that you can try on for size:
  • The act of smiling may boost your self-esteem organically, science suggests. If you smile more often, you send messages to other people that you are friendly, and they'll be more likely to smile back, be happy, and even forgive you.
  • Visualize success. Don't think about the "what if I fail...?" thought that is probably wandering around in your head. Instead, think to yourself: "How will I succeed?"
  • Break down goals into small pieces. Don't set yourself up for failure. Set yourself up for success. If your goal is to be more confident around guys (or girls), break the goal into small parts: eye contact, conversation, flirting, etc. Reward yourself when you complete a small part of each larger goal.

4. Learn to control your emotions. When you start to push your limits and get more confident, you'll undoubtedly have mixed emotions. From stress, worry and fear, to relief and happiness, it can be a bit of a roller-coaster of the mind; that is where controlling your emotions comes in. The simple practice taught by Eckhart Tolle goes a bit like this:

• Be conscious of an emotion inside you — e.g. fear or worry.
• Observe it within your mind.
• Notice that if you are observing it, so it can’t be a part of you.
• Watch the emotion disappear.
• As soon as you observe an emotion, you are separating yourself from it and thus it can no longer exist.
• Apply the principles in Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior.

5. Accept yourself for who you are. Understandably, accepting yourself is not the easiest thing to do. Everyone in the world is filled with some kind of doubt; it's all about how they manage it. Luckily, there are things you can do that will help.

• First of all, think of all the things that you don’t like about yourself and write them down. Now, look at them more closely and see if there is a possibility to change them.
  • For example, if you are thin and don’t like that, then look at ways in which you can gain weight and bulk up. If you aren't willing to put in the work to change something that is fixable, you don't have the right to complain about it.
  • However, If you wish you were taller, that's not exactly something you can change. Think about how your situation could be worse.
• As time goes by and you realize how unimportant some of the things you worry about actually are, life gets easier and your constant concern starts to plummet as your confidence rises.

6. Affirm your worth. There is a simple exercise you can do that helps you care more about yourself and better appreciate the power you have as an individual. It only takes a few minutes and has been proven surprisingly effective in psychological studies:

• Make a list. Write down a short list of different topics of interest in your life. Don't write specifics for now. Just make a list that covers general areas of your life that include you as an important element.
  • A typical example might include the topics “religion, family, school friends, work friends, romantic relationships, artistic ability, musical ability, academic performance, athletic ability.”
  • Try to come up with categories based on the general divisions you would naturally make in your mind.
• Find a point of pride. Pick one category on your list that you have always been especially proud of. For example, maybe you believe you have been (or would make) a wonderful girlfriend or boyfriend. Perhaps there is a subject in school that you have always been particularly interested in. Go with whatever comes to mind based on the list you made.
• Write about it. Write your chosen category at the top of another piece of paper, and then spend a few minutes writing about one particular time or instance when it was important to you, and why it was important. If you believe you are a very good friend, write about a time that you went out of your way to help a friend out; if you've always loved playing the guitar, write about a time your guitar playing made a positive impact on your day.

7. Center yourself. More than just a one-time step, centering yourself is an ongoing process that yields consistent benefits. Exactly what it means to center yourself varies slightly depending on who you ask, but the general consensus is that it means refocusing your priorities to be more in line with your personal beliefs. Try these popular centering techniques:

• Meditation is probably the most common centering technique, and one of the most effective. Simply stand or sit comfortably in a place with no distractions, and focus on clearing your mind.
  • Some people find it useful to focus their thoughts inward on themselves, while others prefer to focus their thoughts outward into the world at large.
  • Whichever way you choose, put yourself in a mental place where you can see the elements of your life more clearly and observe them without getting confused or overwhelmed.
• Visualization often goes hand-in-hand with meditation, but can also be done in just about any place and at just about any time. Visualization is the practice of using imagery to help guide your thoughts.
  • Spirituality often informs visualization, as people will envision themselves being lifted by angels out of their own bodies, or growing deep roots and becoming a part of the Earth.
  • Other common motifs include floating in space, or traveling through a portal into a different time or place. Go with whatever attracts you.
  • Clear your mind for a moment and visualize a scenario that lets you feel calm, free, and unashamed, and use that scenario any time you need to visualize in the future. It will become like a good friend to you, a safe place for your mind to go when you are feeling overwhelmed.

8. Track your achievements. Make a small journal and write down everything you did at the end of each day before you go to sleep, including meditations.

• Write down everything. Even mundane things like “went to school” and “washed dishes” should go into this journal – anything that you technically had a choice about doing, and chose to do anyway.
• Take pride in your achievements. When you do something you're particularly proud of, such as passing a test or finishing a project, feel free to write it into your journal with some kind of extra mark to show that you are proud of it.
• Lean on your words. Keep your journal to yourself and read over it at the end of every week. It will remind you of all the things you do every day to maintain and improve your life, and serve as proof that your voice deserves to be heard as much as anybody else's.

9. Practice saying no. Now that you are taking steps to affirm and nurture yourself, it's time to translate those good feelings into action.

• Be civil, but be firm. The next time you're asked to do something you don't really feel like doing, politely decline the request.
• Enjoy the results. You'll be pleasantly surprised to find that when you stand your ground in a civil manner, people usually respect your choice and drop the subject.
• Don't sweat excuses. You don't need an excuse to say no. Courteous excuses are all well and good, but often, not wanting to do something is as simple as not wanting to do it, and that's okay.
  • The sole exception is times when you are shirking your regular responsibilities (for example, refusing to perform a regular task at work).
• Feel free to explain yourself. If you do have a concrete reason for not wanting to do something, and you can explain it quickly on the spot, go ahead and do so. There's no harm in explaining your thought process. Just remember that you don't owe it to anyone as a matter of course.

10. Bring your new attitude into your whole life. You've rediscovered things about yourself that you can be proud of, lessened the influence that the opinions of others have on your self-image, found time to track your achievements and center yourself every day, and learned that you can say no without dire consequences. You're ready to truly be yourself with everyone around you.

• Embody your new self. Act from your personal center whenever possible, take time to sort things out when you become upset, and let your presence, rather than your actions, please the people in your life.
• Arm yourself with knowledge. Request an Introductory Consultation to put these steps into action.

I made a pdf of this for you to print out. You can download it HERE.

Gregg Swanson is a human potential and peak performance coach and owns Warrior Mind Coach. He specializes in the development of mental strength and focus to achieve the flow state for maximum performance. You grab his complementary mini eBook, “Why is Change So Hard” by going HERE.