How to Not Cancel Yourself with Rejections
We've all been there: looking for jobs, fundraising, and many other important moments in our lives. Rejections are painful and hard to handle. You start to feel like you’re not good enough, your experience isn’t sufficient, your idea is trash, and many other negative thoughts.
Sound familiar?
But dealing with rejection is one of the most impactful skills you can develop!
Think of it like having bulletproof skin! Or maybe a magical shield – way cooler, right?
Where Does the Fear of Rejection Start?
The fear of rejection often begins... in childhood. Remember when your parents said “No!”?
You felt angry, scared, and helpless. It hurt your ego and made you feel like the whole world was against you. Kind of like when you realized Santa wasn’t real – a total bummer!
According to psychological research, these early experiences can shape our responses to rejection in adulthood. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that early rejection from parents or peers can lead to increased sensitivity to rejection later in life.
This heightened sensitivity can make rejections feel more personal and painful, even when they are not.
Neurologically, rejection activates the same areas of the brain as physical pain.
A study by Naomi Eisenberger and her colleagues at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) showed that the brain’s response to social rejection is similar to its response to physical pain.
This helps explain why rejection feels so distressing. So basically, getting rejected is like stubbing your toe – ouch!
From these experiences, your mind learns to avoid rejection by doing only what feels safe. You start to think you should only ask for things you’re sure you’ll get a “yes” to, to avoid that painful “no.”
This behavior is known as rejection sensitivity, and it can hold you back from taking risks and pursuing opportunities.
Imagine never trying new ice cream flavors because you’re scared you won’t like them – boring, right?
What Are Rejections Really About?
Rejection is not the end of the world!
It’s not about you, your idea, your project, or your team. Rejection is about the person making the decision. Here are some real reasons why you might face rejection:
And many other reasons.
The Real Picture of Success
Rejection is a powerful tool and just a part of your journey to success. The more rejections you face, the stronger you become. Think of it like leveling up in a video game!
Sometimes, the path to success is imagined like a ladder, where every step is a challenge you must overcome:
But the real path to success looks more like this:
The crucial part is the “pit of despair,” where people often stay after rejections and don't move forward.
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Only about 2% of people push through and continue their journey!
Do you want to be part of those 2%? You need to learn that rejection is powerful. But how do you turn rejection into a strength?
Here are my tips, learned from my career, my advisors, and my own experiences:
Embrace Rejections as Normal
If rejection stuns you, remember that it’s a normal part of life.
Start with an easy exercise: ask people for silly requests you know they’ll refuse. For example, call your best friend and ask them to fly to Antarctica with you right now.
They’ll probably say “no,” but who knows, maybe your friend is crazy enough to say “yes”! ??
Once you’re comfortable with familiar people, try it with strangers. Use your imagination and ask for the most outrageous things! Ask a stranger to trade shoes with you, or see if a café will give you a discount if you sing for your coffee. The sky’s the limit!
Collect Rejections as Achievements
In fundraising, you’ll get a lot of rejections. Create a scale for yourself:
Celebrate each rejection and feel proud that you’re getting closer to your goal with every “no.” It’s an incredible feeling!
Treat yourself to something fun each time, like a donut or a dance party in your living room.
Build a Rejection Wall
Create a wall in your workspace where you post every rejection letter or email. This might sound daunting at first, but it’s incredibly powerful.
Each time you get a rejection, print it out or write it down and stick it on your rejection wall. Over time, you’ll see your persistence visually and celebrate how far you’ve come. It also serves as a constant reminder that rejection is a part of the process, not a reflection of your worth.
Plus, seeing all those rejections can be strangely motivating. You’re putting in the effort, and that’s what counts! Imagine your wall looking like a badge of honor – because it is.
Practice Positive Reframing
After each rejection, write down three positive things about the experience.
Maybe you learned something new, made a new contact, or got valuable feedback. This technique helps shift your focus from the negative aspects of rejection to the positive takeaways.
For example, if an investor rejects your proposal, you might write:
By consistently reframing rejections in a positive light, you train your brain to see rejection as a learning opportunity rather than a failure. It’s like finding the silver lining in a raincloud – and maybe even a rainbow!
Conclusion
Rejection is tough, but it doesn’t define you. It’s just a step on the road to success. By changing how you view rejection and using it as a tool for growth, you can become stronger and more resilient.
Remember, every rejection is a step closer to your goals. Keep going, and don’t let rejection stop you from achieving your dreams!
And hey, next time you get a rejection, just think of it as a plot twist in your epic success story!