How Can You Use Anger and Rage to Have More Energy?

Anger ripples through the body with such force, enough to attack or defend, or destroy oneself if held in. How can we harness this power? Here is a short story of my long path to understanding how to use anger to have more energy.

My father was known for his temper. With the family name Trager, his flares of rage were called “trages.” I lost my father when I was eight, and I remember little of my time with him. The “trages,” however, remain, bolstered by family legend, evoking both trembling fear and some stand-tall pride—what power there was in those moments!

The secret to managing anger 1: Becoming aware

As I grew older, I found my own version of “trages,” with anger boiling deep inside, and like a pressure cooker, exploding from time to time. I'd hit and throw things. And yell and cry. No grace, no calm, just primitive reactions aligned with the primitive emotion anger is.

I concord with studies that have pinpointed three anger triggers:

• When there is a disconnect between expectations and reality.
• When there is a perceived threat.
• When we attempt to hide other emotions—yes, we feel anger when we ignore other emotions. It's the perfect protective carapace and distraction from feeling the rest.

The science places anger deeply entwined with the brain's reward circuit. It's wired in us as part of our protective systems. Anger causes the amygdala to release adrenaline, noradrenaline and testosterone—it's a rush, you feel pumped up, more focused and shielded from pain for several minutes.

I remember very distinctly one prime example of this extremely physical response. I was in my early twenties and got cheated on a contract. The rage felt epic. I lived seven flights up a steep stairwell, under the rooftops in Paris. I recall running up at top speed, two steps at a time without stopping. Then doing it again and again! Until I was too exhausted to care. All powered by a trage.

When I settled down, I saw the power. Not so long after that, I took up martial arts. It was my way of dealing with the overwhelming physical sensations I was having as someone who, at the time, was quite angry. I started looking for ways to harness that energy. It began with awareness.

I subsequently learned that anger and fear release nearly the same neurotransmitters, except that the former raises body temperature and the latter lowers it.

That when we are angry, we are more impulsive, underestimate bad outcomes, and seek to blame others. And we can feel a heightened sense of motivation.

That if someone else is angry or a having a tantrum, the best policy is just to let it pass—it usually takes no more than 20 minutes for them to wear themselves out. Really, don't do anything. Even intervening to ask what was wrong appeared to prolong the process.

And if you are a man, you'll be perceived as powerful (having more social status), while angry woman are seen as bitchy and out of control.

The secret to managing anger 2: Being intentional

Fortunately, in addition to the amygdala, we've also got a prefrontal cortex, with decision-making and reasoning to temper our actions. So, we may be flooded with all kinds of hormones that prepare us to fight or flee, whether we end up swearing or scowling or even punching depends on the prefrontal cortex, that is responsible for decision-making and reasoning.

According to studies, it actually takes less than two seconds to go from the initial anger reactions to a more measured prefrontal cortex response. This means we have no excuse. There is truth to counting to ten when you feel the anger rise.

So, with the martial arts practice and self-awareness, I was able to count to ten. And yet, the energy was still there, and I'd still burst with rage, getting tense and occasionally slamming down my fist, or throwing something. Now it was always directed at things, not people. Anything to process the feelings. I was still traging.

I recall the first time my at-the-time soon-to-be-husband experienced one of my trages—incomprehension filled his eyes. It was so clear to me at that instant that we were on different planets, and I so wanted to be on the same.

“This has nothing to do with you,” I managed to blurt out. “It’s all mine. I need to get it out.”

I wasn’t thinking with my emotions, I was being them. At least, I knew they were mine.

I added meditation to the martial arts practice. I wanted to put more distance between me and the emotion. To realize, inside, that I feel it, but I am not it. To be more intentional and use that damn prefrontal cortex of mine.

The secret to managing anger 3: Choosing alignment

As I advanced on my path of self-development, my trages moved from physical manifestations of anger to more tempered expressions, frequently with a series of choice words from my native language (English—I live in France).

One day, when my daughter was three or four, I heard a loud thud in the next room over—something had clearly tumbled to the floor. Then I heard, in that tiny, little girl voice, "F$%k, F$%k, F$%k." I felt the heat of embarrassment reach my cheeks. There was no doubt where she'd picked that up. Tossing on my parent hat, I said something to the effect of, "Darling, I understand that you feel angry and frustrated. Those are harsh words. Can you find some other way to express it?" Then I hear, "Sh*!, Sh*!, Sh*!." I burst out laughing. We all laugh about it now. And still, at that moment I saw, with great lucidity, how my anger impacted others in so many ways.

I was truly motivated to find even more space between the trigger and the reaction to choose a different response when I got angry, one more aligned with how I want to show up.

I invite you to read the rest of the post by following the link found in the comments. You will learn:

• How to harness the energy of anger
• An emotional management hack
• Three key mindset shifts to transform anger