How can you be Confident without looking Dominating?

Do you struggle with speaking your thoughts at work?

You're not alone.

Many Indian Working Professionals experience insecurities at work, even when we are adding tonnes of value. This is even true for extremely talented people working in top MNCs such as Google and Meta.

Remember, it is normal to feel intimidated in front of colleagues.

Even when you are the boss, you may still feel discomfort in sharing your candid opinions. For example, you might be reluctant to scold a team member to avoid appearing as dominating or bossy towards other staff members.

But, you can’t let your poor self-confidence stop you from speaking up. ”Everyone would laugh at me” - you need to beat this irrational fear.

Over the years of coaching, I have helped many working professionals get rid of this exact irrational fear.

My most important learning has been that a lack of confidence is not a limitation that should define you. Instead, confidence can be learned and practiced.

It begins with becoming more self-aware, changing your mindset, and bringing your entire self to work.

If you struggle with confident communication, use these 4 tips to display confidence without dominating:

1. Build up your Self-Belief

You are unique. You have something valuable to share. You need to believe that.

Unless you trust your own judgment, capacities, and abilities, no one else will. Remember you are valuable and worthy, regardless of your imperfections. After all, everyone is imperfect as well.

Don’t forget, there is a reason you were hired. And you were hired because your opinions and your ideas are an asset. But, if you don’t speak up - your ideas will not be recognized. They will be lost. And because your ideas are an asset, losing ideas means you lose your asset which means you lose value.

So speaking up and being confident is not a luxury but a necessity to give your best performance and add value to your work.

Now you may say, Vatsal that’s great. I agree but how do I build self-belief?

Every time I try to think my mind is flooded with self-doubts.

And that’s a very valid concern. Self-doubt is not easy to conquer.

There is a reason the “Personal Development” industry has a market size of USD 41.81 billion in the US alone (Source: Grand View Research).

While there are many suggestions on how to start eliminating self-doubt and replace it with self-belief, I will share with you the one I believe in the most. This is also the one we repeatedly teach in our coaching and has worked for our 1000+ clients. And it’s just 2 words. It is

"Make Mistakes"

You will make mistakes at some point. And that’s OK. We all do.

The key here is to intentionally put yourself in situations where you will make mistakes (and lots of them).

As you make more and more mistakes, you will realize many mistakes aren't as bad as you thought in your head. What you need to do is to own your mistakes, seek advice on how to fix it, and then work to fix it.

For example Next time you are giving feedback to your team and they display signs of stress. Pause. Ask them if they feel attacked. Inquire what exact words and phrases made them feel that way. Then practice giving your feedback in a new style. Repeat until you do it right.

Mistakes are a learning opportunity. Every time you bounce back from your mistakes you replace self-doubt with self-belief.

2. Be Prepared - Always!

World famous scientist and science speaker Neil Degrasse Tyson shared in an interview that all the stories and examples he shares in public are first written down by him in private. (Source - Interview with David Perrel)

In other words, he is always prepared - to speak in public.

The Spartans also had a saying which also highlights the importance of preparation:

Sweat more in practice, bleed less in war - Spartan Warrior Credo

Have you ever felt this?

The more you talk in a meeting or presentation, the more unsure you sound and the more confused other people get.

If you want to be a confident communicator - the one who makes his point with a soft yet stern voice instead of an arrogant Buffon who shouts to prove his dominion over others, then you should prepare in advance too.

Think through what you'll bring to a meeting. Identify your questions, write down your suggestions, and collect your data and evidence. This way when you do speak - you will be articulate and appear confident.

It’s ok if you scribble simple bullet points. Everything doesn't have to be completely polished. But, the act of thinking beforehand will give you better clarity and as a result higher confidence.

If you're an introvert or need time to consider the topic before talking, read the meeting agenda and prepare your thoughts. Then, arrive early and allow yourself to ease into the physical meeting space. If it's a virtual teleconference, get comfortable with the webinar controls, your mic, and webcam ahead of time.

Always remember - Preparation increases your control, and fewer things can go wrong.

3. Practice is the best Preparation

In the previous section I emphasized the importance of Preparation.

Here, I’d like to explain the best form of preparation, i.e., Practice.

One of the easiest ways to practice is?Read out Loud. It helps you feel confident in what you're going to say. And no, it's not enough to say it silently to yourself. When you can hear yourself like others would it builds your confidence to speak it in a room full of people.

You can also record yourself speaking in English and then listen back to your recording. This will allow you to identify areas where you can improve your pronunciation and intonation.

Practice English speaking in low-stakes environments that feel safe. For example, you could practice expressing your opinions with a group of friends. But always remember to ask your friends to provide feedback. Consistent feedback from people you trust will strengthen your performance and increase your confidence.

Lastly, there's no harm in letting your manager or colleagues know your goals for building confidence at work. Then, see what they can do to help or keep you on track. For example, you can ask for more visibility in your next meeting to practice speaking with larger audiences.

4. Choose to be Calm and Composed

Many problems while speaking in English, like anxiety, nervousness, self-doubts, etc., arise when we lose presence.

Taking slow, steady, deep breaths as you speak will ensure you have a slow, steady, deep voice.

Use pauses and gestures to emphasize points and give yourself time to think.

One surefire way to be calm and composed in a conversation is to listen more than you speak.

Confident communication is also about understanding other people's perspectives and ideas. If you talk non-stop, people will perceive you as dominating instead of confident because you don't listen to anything they say.

So, listen to your audience, make eye contact with them, and smile to appear confident and engaging.