How can we try to better understand someone else's challenges?
Ellie Rich-Poole
Career Development Coach | The Recruitment Coach | LinkedIn Top Voice for Careers | Top 15 Coach in London | Speaker | Writer
Something occurred to me recently when I was trying to work out why it feels like no one cares about the lack of women in CEO and P&L leadership roles (see my earlier post (1) How will change ever happen if leaders don't care about the problem? | LinkedIn)
I realised that until we experience a particular challenge ourselves, it's really hard to understand how it feels and the real-life implications of it. In some cases, we maybe didn't even know that the challenge existed. Our privilege may have protected us from it.
Let me explain.
Until my Dad died, I didn't know how to talk to someone who had experienced a bereavement or whether I even should, instead avoiding the topic. Once I had been through it myself, I realised how much it matters. I can now say to people 'I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad' and know that just acknowledging it means a lot to the person affected.
Until I had a child and experienced first-hand the huge changes this brings both practically (with childcare logistics and costs) and emotionally (suffering from post-natal anxiety and a perceived loss of my 'self') I realised I had been blind to the challenges of working parents my whole career so far, and probably seemed a complete nightmare to my friends with young children.
Until I started experiencing perimenopause symptoms and reading more into the subject, I had no idea of the shocking lack of knowledge and provision for women, despite 51% of the population affected or going to be at some stage. It just hadn't been on my radar. Now it is.
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And I know there are many other significant challenges others are experiencing that I am not, that are huge to those affected.
So, the coaching question I offer to you today, while taking a moment to reflect is this:
What one thing can you do today to try to better understand someone else's challenges?
And remember that it is understanding and empathy - not sympathy - that is important for others. Watch Brene Brown's short video if you would like to know more: (1011) Brené Brown on Empathy - YouTube
And in relation to my last post, when I questioned whether existing leaders don't care about the diversity gap in organisations, I now wonder if it's more a case of they have never walked in the shoes of those affected? So, let's keep talking about our challenges and support others where we can.
CEO at Virgin Pure - Scale Up leader - Disruptor of the mediocre
2 年Love the Rene Brown video Ellie. Truly putting yourself in someone else's shoes is so tricky but so important. At least from now on I will be haunted by the image of the deer offering the sandwich if I ever slip towards sympathy!
I help Directors have a life while sky rocketing their business. Bespoke coaching for clarity, momentum and peak performance.
2 年I really like this Ellie Rich-Poole. The Brene Brown short is so great at explaining the difference between empathy v sympathy. I think your examples here demonstrate the critical roles of genuine curious questioning from leaders (all people everywhere) in order to empower and support others.
Culture | DEI | EX | Talent | L&D
2 年Debra Lowe This just made me think about our earlier conversation about lived experiences and allyship!
I'm a purpose driven talent specialist with strong emotional intelligence, a finely tuned moral compass & a passion for People & talent solutions. Recruitment done the right way, underpinned by respect, honesty & trust.
2 年This is so true and surely if we don't try and walk in someone else's shoes, and appreciate how they perceive a situation and what challenges them, then we stunt our own growth.
Customer Identity & Access Management, Business Value.
2 年Kudos to you Ellie for this article. I have to admit I saw myself in the ‘Well at least…’ piece of Brené Brown ‘s short video on empathy. Made me think. Thank you.