How can we support connections between people living in different housing schemes during Covid-19?
This blog was prompted by a question about how to support residents who are vulnerable and with limited access to other spaces. They wanted to use the communal areas in a sheltered housing scheme and were "sneeking" into the kitchen and cooking together.
How can we support connections while keeping residents safe?
This "sneeking to the kitchen" suggests a mixture of emotional and social loneliness - seeking regular friends and group contact. However - some people in this group might have good emotional support via friends and family calling them regularly. Whereas others are likely to have less emotional support.
The different experiences of loneliness…
Loneliness is extremely personal - and can be exacerbated by external stressors and life changes. Being mindful that people will be experiencing different triggers for and types of loneliness, is a good starting point.
Find out what people are feeling and what types of connection they are they missing. Take time to talk, ask about emotions and thoughts.
There are ways of measuring loneliness that are tried and tested, and although this blog isn't about measuring loneliness, some of the statements that these measures use could help guide a conversation about connection and loneliness. The reason I recommend the Gierveld scale is that these statements distinguish between emotional loneliness and social loneliness - whether someone is missing deep connection in their life, or whether they are missing being part of a group. Someone in the depths of bereavement may not be best supported by a group telephone call. It sounds obvious - but there is very little specific support for emotional-loneliness out there. Most help offered by non-profits for loneliness invites people to join social groups, regardless of the triggers and reasons for their loneliness.
The statements you can use from the Gierveld Scale that can help to distinguish between emotional and social loneliness are:
1. I experience a general sense of emptiness [Emotional Loneliness - EL]
2. I miss having people around me [EL]
3. I often feel rejected [EL]
4. There are plenty of people I can rely on when I have problems [Social Loneliness - SL]
5. There are many people I can trust completely [SL]
6. There are enough people I feel close to [SL]
Do adapt these if you wish, you're not measuring loneliness here, just guiding a conversation. If you do wish to measure impact, then further advice is available on how to use this scale in the Campaign to End Loneliness's publication here: https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/wp-content/uploads/Loneliness-Measurement-Guidance1.pdf
Seven suggestions for connection, linked to the Gierveld scale:
- Support people to find purpose - Finding ways of adding purpose to our lives right now can help somewhat. Think less about "activities" and more about passions - ask: what are your life-long interests? How can you rekindle them? How can I support you to rekindle them? (this addresses statement 1. I experience a general sense of emptiness [Emotional Loneliness - EL] )
- Make time for a chat - Encourage "tea at two" or some other way of everyone knowing when to get together. Technology may be required here - teleconferencing facilities or Zoom or similar. Older people's charity, Independent Age, are running telephone coffee mornings, as I'm sure are others.
- Share life stories - Encourage family members to call and talk about "something else" - inviting them to use phone calls to ask about the life stories of an older person and maybe even turn them into a book. Young people being schooled at home at present might find this a useful project in "history". It also gives a focus and purpose to their calls - everybody has an interesting story to tell and wisdom to share (thanks to @BridgingAgesCIC for this suggestion and the photo...)
(this addresses statement 2. I miss having people around me [EL])
4. Emphasise care and positivity - Keeping rules imposed alongside supportive statements is critical to facilitating feelings of belonging and safety, rather than fear and rejection. There are plenty of examples from schools at the moment who are imposing strict rules on homework, whereas others are welcoming what CAN be done, rather than focusing on what cannot. How can this be translated to a specific housing environment?
5. The basics of support and consistency from support staff are crucial, and should be there as a minimum. This was the top tip that came through responses to my twitter request for ideas for this blog. A regular conversation, even if its through a door, checking in & seeing what the person needs and if they understand what’s going on was seen as crucial. This covers the "help" question if approached in the right way. One manager of a supported housing project admitted that this is the stuff to really get right and invest time in – without it, all the telephone calls and technical solutions will be “meaningless”- (these address statements 3. I often feel rejected [EL] and 4. There are plenty of people I can rely on when I have problems [Social Loneliness - SL] )
6. Talk about the deep stuff - emotions - Taking the time to offer real and deep emotional support is so hard yet is critical here - either 121 phone calls with peers or another help source. This is very hard to do – to find a way of people expressing their emotions during a time when we cannot meet face to face. But it is critical: “If we don’t express our emotions, they will pile up like a debt that will eventually become due” – Mark Brackett – Permission to Feel. (This addresses statement 5. There are many people I can trust completely [SL] and 6. There are enough people I feel close to [SL] )
7. A final caveat – grief and fear might usually reduce our ability to connect – and although we are all going through this together, emphasised by a quote from Brene Brown:
“An experience of collective pain does not deliver us from grief or sadness; it is a ministry of presence. These moments remind us that we are not alone in our darkness and that our broken heart is connected to every heart that has known pain since the beginning of time,”
I would also urge us to remember that many people in supported housing or care homes may have been experiencing a deep sense of loneliness and isolation before Covid-19 came along. Around 1.3 million older people feel lonely most or all of the time - and over 75s are the age group most likely to experience long-term loneliness. So the idea of us all being in this together - well - for those who have experienced loneliness for months or years - our current mutual experience may come on top of the pain of long-term loneliness.
Are there any other ideas out there? Post them below or get in touch directly.
(thanks and credit to @KateJopling, @RRowanOlive, @BridgingAgesCIC, for sharing experiences and ideas and to TraceyJRobbins for prompting the blog).
This blog is about connections: I blog on my LinkedIn page in three different capacities: as an activist for social-change; as a connections consultant; and as a CEO of an environmental charity.