How Can We Explain That Recovery Is a Choice?

These are the types of questions I receive regularly and I wanted to share my responses in my Ask Candace Q&A Column. Watch for more Ask Candace coming soon!

James asked: how can we easily and clearly explain to those who believe addiction is a disease that recovery from addiction is a choice?

My response: Hi James,

Most people know about 12-step programs, which basically tell the addict and the family that addiction is a disease, that people are powerless over this disease, and that relapse is a normal and natural part of recovery. I don’t believe that for a second. It took me about five years of being in 12-step programs in my early recovery to get to a place of understanding that I wasn’t powerless if I’d been sober for five years.

I make the choice not to pick up drugs every single day and sometimes several times during the day. I know what it’s like to have a disease, and it’s not the same with addiction. I have Crohn’s disease, an inflammatory bowel disease. When I was first diagnosed, nobody knew what to do for me, so they gave me all those prescriptions for years—oxycontin and codeine and morphine, as well as other addictive medications.

Crohn’s has no known cure. We don’t know the cause and we don’t know the cure. For many diseases—diabetes and cancer to name a few—we don’t know what the cause is. We don’t know what the cure is. With addiction, it’s very different. You can get rid of addiction. I have had Crohn’s for 50 years now and I can’t just get rid of it, try as I might.

There’s a simple way, that’s not always easy, to get rid of addiction. All you do is stop using the addiction. That is a choice that people can make. I believe that we make a choice about whether we’re going to be in addiction or whether we’re going to be in recovery. We’re making that choice every day. People who are in recovery know that they’re making a choice every day to be in recovery. Even if you want to see it as a disease, it’s still a choice about what we do about it and how we proceed.

I don’t think anybody chooses to become an addict. I’ve been doing this work for over 30 years, and I’ve never heard anybody say “I chose to become an addict. I thought that would be fun. So, I decided I was going to use lots of drugs to become an addict.” In fact, most people who become addicted don’t think they’re going to become addicted. They think they’re going to be able to handle it, they’ll be able to stop when they want to. Then they find out they can’t—or they can, but it takes work. It takes making those choices, because addiction is more difficult to get out of once you’re entrenched in it.

In terms of the difference, the disease model tells us that we are powerless over addiction. We are not. The disease model tells us that we will probably relapse because it’s a normal and natural part of recovery. I have not relapsed in 36 years. I’ve had occasion to make that choice medically when I’ve had surgery in recovery. It’s a choice that you make to stay in addiction or to come out of addiction and be in recovery.

Most people see it as a disease because they are told that there’s brain involvement. There is definitely brain involvement with mind-altering substances and behavioural addictions like gambling, shopping, and porn. Your brain gets involved and there are chemicals that get released. But what people don’t recognize is that the way we’re wired as human beings, there’s brain involvement in every single thing we do. If I move my pinky finger, my brain’s involved.

Just because there’s brain involvement does not make addiction a disease. Addiction is a condition, and whether we stay in addiction or go into recovery, it’s a choice. Now, how to explain that simply and easily to somebody else is the challenge. Being told they have a disease, they’re powerless, and they’re going to relapse, is dangerous to tell an addict and their loved ones because it’s not accurate and it takes personal responsibility away from the person that’s involved in the addiction.

We can say to addicts, “We know that you can make a choice about this. It’s not easy, but we know that you can change what you’re doing. All you have to do is make the decision to do that.” In order for an addict to make that choice, all kinds of enabling behaviours on the part of the family need to stop.

My advice is to explain it with compassion because addicts don’t want to hear that they can stop. They want to be able to say to you, “I have a disease. I’m powerless over that disease. Get out of my face and leave me alone.” Or they want to come from a place of being a victim and say, “I have a disease and I can’t stop it and there’s nothing I can do. So, leave me alone.” Addicts want to keep using. They think it’s the only way they know how to get through life. But they also want to be stopped.

Not making a choice is a choice.

Not making a choice is a choice. The way that I look at it is so much more empowering for the addicts and for the families. I make a choice every day. If I didn’t take care of myself well and if I made a different choice, I could relapse after 36 years. I know that. I’ve watched people with a lot of clean time relapse, but I know that they made the choice to do that. They’ve set it up so that there’s a real problem and anybody would understand that I’m going to use again over this problem. But many of us in recovery have had severe problems. I know people in recovery who have had diagnoses of stage four cancer, and they stay in recovery because that’s what they choose. But I also know people who have been in recovery and they have what we call in the addiction field a “broken shoelace”, something quite a bit more trivial than cancer, and that’s enough to get them to relapse. They choose to relapse over this minor problem that they could solve in a different way.

At Love With Boundaries, we come from a choice model. We do not come from a disease model. We will not collude with you or the addict you love and tell either of you that you are powerless over this—because you are not. It just takes some work.

All my best, Candace

Are you interested in learning more about addiction counselling for family members?

Please reach out to us for a FREE 30-minute consultation with one of our staff. We have been successfully working with families and other loved ones who are in this position for over 30 years and we know how to help you. You don’t have to do this alone anymore. We know how to help you!

Access our short questionnaire by clicking on the image below.

About Candace & Love with Boundaries

Candace Plattor, M.A., R.C.C. is a professional speaker, TEDx speaker, Addictions Therapist in private practice, and a sought-after leader in the field of addiction. Candace is also the author of the award-winning book Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction. In her unique and signature Family Addictions Therapy Program, she specializes in working with families and other loved ones of people who are struggling with addiction. The results Candace achieves have been astounding: addicts stop using and families regain their lives from the ravages of addiction.

About Love With Boundaries

Love With Boundaries offers counselling to help families and the addicts they love come out of the pain and devastation of addiction—forever. Our therapists counsel families about how to love with clear and respectful boundaries, and they provide insights and techniques to help families stop enabling the addicts they love so that they can all make the choice to recover from addiction.