How can we ensure that #metoo never happens again!

The latest news in media about persons in powerful positions misusing their authority and position is quite disturbing to me. I think stems from a culture of power distance that exists in our country and has somehow become an intrinsic part of our culture at not just the workplace but other aspects of life as well. It is also to do with the way our society is configured, heavily in favor of men. And what are movies really, more often than not they are a reflection of our society. Whilst we be moving towards progressive, gender neutral cinema which celebrates feminism, the hypocrisy behind it cannot be ignored. This is evident with what happened with some of the crew and actors of a recent film that celebrated women’s liberation. In fact was well recognized and the protagonist a lady, won a national award and deservedly so, anyway that’s not the point. When a woman says #metoo, it means she has had enough of the trauma of abuse and has decided to speak up, don’t trivialize it, don’t let it hurt your ego as a man, it’s the reality, face it for what it is. But maybe we need to first get to where abuse stems from. I look at it as 2 core issues that need addressing, one is power that people perceive they have and second the way we look at women.

The perception of power seems to be this energy that is moving or transitioning from person to person , even generation to generation. We do onto others as we have been done to and the cycle continues. A bossy, authoritative and autocratic person will only be able to create an atmosphere where subordinates and peers feel that it is the right way of going about work and life in general, leading to bloated egos and very little scope for humility or empathy. Power distance doesn’t help. It’s a hangover of our colonial past and even before that deep rooted in our culture of Kings and even the caste system. It’s almost like a selective race memory for most of us, something we cannot seem to escape. Society itself is configured in this hierarchy where there is someone in a position of power and authority and others have to bow down and get in line. Worst is we teach our kids and our colleagues (moving ahead from the word subordinates) the same. It gets entrenched in our subconscious as the go to way of leading our lives. Aggressive performers are hailed, irrespective of what language and or behavior they engage in, as long as it get results. This is silently breeding a culture which is very harmful for each ecosystem including our country. Bad leaders are giving rise to bad team members who in turn become a reflection of their experiences when they undertake positions of authority, and the cycle continues. Conflict over collaboration then becomes the norm.

How do we break this?! The only answer is to disarm power, and make flatter structures. Also maybe it’s very personal, where each one of us has to personally break the stereotype of authority and start addressing each other equally, and on a first name basis. Trivial? I don’t think so, small things go a long way in breaking a person’s superiority complex. And even then if any one of us as subordinates have a bad boss, vow not to carry that culture forward. Start the change with you, be everything that the leader who mistreated you was not and under all circumstances face up to such leaders, ask them uncomfortable questions, even at the risk of behind ostracized. For its only when we push back, will we grow as a society, an organization and a country. If we are to move ahead and really progress, we need to move away from these deep rooted issues, collaborate and treat everyone well, for each person is equal and yet unique in what they bring to the table. We need to foster an environment where the real work gets done, rather than look at handling difficult leaders and their inflated sense of self. This change has to start with me, you and all of us. It’s time we created great teams and not mediocre team where people find it very easy to move on.

The way we look at women need to change, I mean its high time. I hear many men say, I would never abuse a woman, I would never tease a woman, I treat them equally etc., it’s almost like they are seeking validation and a round of applause for being feminists. Well, let me tell you , that is how normal human beings are supposed to be with each other and not something you seek validation or appreciation for. If you are not a feminist, you are not for equal rights, say less and do more. I have been blessed to see really successful women in my life and all this has been possible because they wanted to do so and had the right environment to do so. It was not because some man “permitted” them to do so, rather encouraged them to be the best of what they wanted to be. Some men in power seem to think as if they have the perverse right over the women they work with. A right that is wrong in every way! Women trying to find their feet in the work place are often taken advantage of or attempted to be taken advantage of, it is almost like it’s the only way they can get ahead, especially in a male dominated industry like Bollywood, and so many other work spaces in our country. This however seems more deep rooted, sometimes in how traditionally women have been looked at in our societies, almost always as the provider and someone who takes the backseat, less ambitious, caretaker etc. Even a small trigger in how women in some households have food after the men in the family have eaten can brew a superiority complex among men, who could end up being the dominant predators of tomorrow. Equal means equal, sharing the load, the responsibility and being equally (if not more ) capable & ambitious. Women are a lot more than men I feel, and definitely not less in any field. Can we challenge the fundamental assumption about women that’s been fed consciously and subconsciously from generation to generation. To begin with, can we stop pretending that there is no problem out there and take a stand to ensure that there won’t be any going forward. Start with me, you and all of us. Treat the women in our lives as equals, let us give them all the love, the space & opportunity to grow and excel in what they want to.

I don’t even feel that their space or their rights are for us men to give, so let them be. At least ensure you will treat them with respect and dignity while they go about living their dreams. Let us all try and become responsible Human beings and Leaders, only then will others around us feel truly safe and only then will they truly blossom!