“How Can Ted Lasso Help Your Relationship?”

So, I just binged-watched the entire first season of Ted Lasso this past Sunday. Yup, and I’m proud of it. I’d say you might be surprised that I got emotional (see: tears streaming down my face) through most of it, but anyone who knows me understands that my wife loves to call me the “chick” of our relationship for a reason. #allthefeelz

There’s going to potentially be some spoilers here. Go watch the show ASAP if you’re worried about that, I highly recommend it. (AppleTv+ I expect my referral commission check deposited directly to my bank account please…). You can come back to read this when you’re done, or continue on now because you’re just eager to improve your relationships. Quite the win-win.

In between all my blubbering, I was deeply inspired by some big takeaways that transcend sport, exemplified by the main character, Ted, played by Jason Sudeikis. Here’s a few key reflections that I hope you can deploy in all your relationships.

1) Meet Anger with Love

Ted is hired into an, by all accounts, IMPOSSIBLE scenario to succeed in. He has never coached soccer (previously American Football coach at the college level, now to a pro soccer team), has an ownership group in turmoil that’s proactively determined to see it all go up in flames, and has a city and club-house that misses no opportunity to share their hate and displeasure with his arrival and performance.

How does he react?

With a smile. With a kind gesture. With a gift. With a hug.

In a word: LOVE.

At every single opportunity, he meets their projections of internal struggle with an embrace of empathy.

How could they stay angry when all you receive is genuine kindness?

The short answer is: THEY CAN’T

One by one, he wins them over. Allowing themselves to realize the true greatness they have been hiding under all their inner darkness.

What if you saw your own partner’s frustrations as an opportunity to grow together?

What if you were able to see beyond their outward expression of disdain as a sign of pain and suffering and feeling lost?

What if you gave love and kindness without any expectation in return?

(This is the key part, most people are using their generosity as a mask for wanting something else, and not surprisingly they don’t get the result they desire…)

How would your relationship change if you BOTH arrived at these challenging junctures with empathy and compassion?

2) Nobody is a Cookie-Cutter

One of the beautiful tactics Ted enlists is in his gifts.

For one player, some snacks from his home in Nigeria on his 20th birthday.

For another, he gave all the team members a book. An individually chosen title, specific to the difficulties and journey they were on. The inspiration and context to serve their unique persona, skills, and role on the team.

For the owner, home-baked biscuits. That BLEW HER MIND. A fresh batch EVERY DAY. Nothing she could buy (oh and did she go on a journey to find them).

And for others, a piece of his “home.” His son, who was back in the United States, sent over a bag of toy soldiers to “keep him safe.” Ted handed these out to various people, but also accepted when it was the wrong fit (the previously mentioned Nigerian player kindly declined the offering based on some of his own personal beliefs on war).

The point is, Ted allowed every person to FEEL special. To FEEL seen as the individual that they are. Not just another number. Another body. Something replaceable. Because he PAID attention to WHO they were. Then he acted in alignment with what they needed in order for them to FEEL that appreciation the way it would be best fit to them.

What if you applied this to your own relationship?

Are you even aware of your own partner’s unique preferences??

How do they best receive love?

Are you just expecting them to know you care?

When was the last time you reminded them?

Did you give them love in the way that was convenient for you, or in a way that was uniquely important to them?

How do you think it would affect your relationship if you asked your partner what would be meaningful to THEM?

How THEY feel most connected.

How THEY best feel seen and heard.

3) Build the Ecosystem for Success to Flourish

I would wager that this is probably the most under-appreciated tactic that is in Ted’s approach.

He touches EVERY aspect of the organization.

He doesn’t just write up plays on the whiteboard or yell out instructions on the sideline. That is a narrow-minded coaching perspective (sadly that’s a common issue in the industry, athletics or otherwise).

Ted builds a relationship with the equipment manager. He inspires the team captain to prevent players from bullying said equipment manager. Hell, he even promotes him!

He takes an interest in his boss’s life. As she’s navigating a brutal, public divorce, he has her back, despite her efforts to destroy him.

He gets out into the community. Supports the local school kids, gets the players involved. He makes friends with the patrons of the local pub who jeer at his every loss.

All the way down to the detail of getting the shower pressure in the locker room fixed.

Simple, subtle, consistent check-boxes on all the potential obstacles to building trust between players, coaches, administrators, and fans. EVERYTHING.

With more trust and collaboration, the external result of success flows much easier AND more consistently.

Where might you be looking too narrowly at the problems in your relationship?

What would happen if you zoomed out and looked at the bigger picture?

Where can you make small changes that make it easier to arrive at moments of friction with more trust, grounded energy, and peace of heart and mind?

Most “problems” are merely symptoms of bigger issues of trust and consistency. They are then amplified by increased responsibility and stress.

4) Consistently Act in Hope

There is a resounding speech in the final episode of season 1 around “hope.” This I won’t spoil.

What I will say, throughout the entire show, Ted NEVER knows how his tactics are going to “work out.” He repeatedly says “I don’t care about the wins and losses” (despite his previous resounding success at the college level).

He approaches every action with the intention of “I am going to do the right thing” (my words of interpretation), and if he keeps stringing that together enough times, good things will come of it. His faith in this belief is tested, many a time over, as we all are. But he NEVER gives up hope. Even when he has to make decisions that hurt his heart.

How many times have you given up after the first time you tried shifting your behaviors because it wasn’t readily met with open arms?

Did you consider that you haven’t built up enough credibility based on your recent track record?

If you’re wanting to be inspired by someone else… if you’re constantly looking for hope from them… perhaps it’s time you act in a way that GIVES hope and inspiration… FIRST.

Ted didn’t win over the hearts and minds of an entire culture overnight. But, he leads with the best version of himself. And when repeated attempts to derail his optimism and good-nature failed to put a dent in his armor, his adversaries couldn’t help but find hope within him and themselves too.

Perhaps it’s time we all lead our relationships with that type of commitment as well.

As for my closing thoughts on this subject, I’d be remiss as to not give a huge nod of appreciation to my friend Kailey who recommended this show to me. I got a text one random evening telling me to watch it, followed by saying “You’re Ted Lasso.” Mind you, we’ve been friends for many years. She helped get me a position as the strength and conditioning coach for the St. Rose Women’s Soccer team where she was both a former player (with a National Championship ring to boot!) and has been an assistant coach as well to what is one of the premier D2 women’s programs in the country. More importantly, she is a true friend in every sense of the word, and I’m deeply grateful to have such a person of strong values, integrity, leadership, and genuine kindness in my life.

For her to consider me to be a person who resembles the traits I’ve mentioned above, well, now you know why I was wiping some tears from my face throughout the show. She has known me through some relationship troubles and tumultuous business times, while still looking to serve to the best of my abilities for the players and staff of the team. It means a great deal to me that my friends view me in such regard because I know first-hand how hard it can be to create and shape culture with the intent and commitment that is portrayed in the show. I don’t care about most opinions, but to those few people who have shared the journey and I have had the privilege to grow along with, that hits home.

If you are looking to build a life and a relationship that embodies the aforementioned perspectives and a holistic view of prosperity, I invite you to send me a DM and we can look to schedule a Clarity call.

I’m only accepting 10 clients at a time, so if you’re wanting the opportunity to work together, don’t drag your feet or you’ll be left to continue the “pursuit of happiness” alone or elsewhere for a while.

Hopefully we talk soon. If not, until next time, remember to…

Love. Every. Body.

PS. As always, consider this call more a “first date” than a “marriage proposal.” We probably don’t know each other that well yet, so let’s see how one interaction goes before we go off planning a life together lol. I’d love the opportunity to better understand your goals and aspirations, and if nothing else, provide a simple step in the right direction.

#lifecoach #relationshipcoach #nakedsunday #empoweredcoupleproject #selfimprovement #growthmindset