How can men be better allies?

Welcome to Swag-HER!: Your Career, Your Way, a newsletter for professional women and their allies! We’ll explore how to break through the barriers to your success, making space for the career - and life -? you want.

I’m so glad you’re here. If this is our first time meeting, you can learn more about me and the work I do here. Make sure you never miss an issue by clicking the "Subscribe" button in the upper right corner of the page!

An article for men? During Women’s History Month?! Yes, you read that right.

As we celebrate our past and look toward the future, let’s bring men into the party. I firmly believe that there are many allies out there that see few women at the highest levels and want to help, but aren’t sure how. When I open up the floor for questions after a speaking engagement or a book reading, one brave guy often raises his hand to ask, “how can men be better allies?” I love getting this question, and when I do, I offer the same answer: be a door opener.?

Door openers are allies in action, not just thought. It’s very well and good to say you support women, but are you an active participant? Are you sharing opportunities? Amplifying women’s voices? Speaking up about sexism? Sponsoring women?

The majority of men are supportive of gender equity. If you’re one of them (and if you’re reading this, I assume you are), here’s how you can become an active ally.?

Increase your awareness

You may already identify as a male ally, but how sure are you of your actual impact? While I’m not trying to burst anyone’s bubble, research shows that many men may not be the allies they think they are. In this study , participants were asked to estimate the percentage of men within their organization who are “active allies and public advocates” for gender equity. There were significant gender differences in men and women’s perceptions at all levels of leadership—men thought there were plenty of allies, women didn’t. Why the discrepancy? Well, many men simply don’t see many of the issues that still exist in the workplace. Unless you are aware of what something looks like, it’s hard to identify it, and men don’t share women’s experience. This is where empathy comes in.?

Empathy has turned into a little bit of a buzzword recently, but the real meaning is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, (here’s the important part) even when we do not share their experience. At its core, empathy is about curiosity. So if you want to become more aware of the unique challenges women face, you need to be proactive about seeking out knowledge. In the internet age, there are myriad resources at your fingertips , including this newsletter, and I know of a book that could be helpful too. However, the easiest way to cultivate empathy is to listen to the women in your life. Listen to their perspectives, their experiences, how they feel—and believe them.?

You will probably hear things that make you feel uncomfortable, and you may even feel guilty for not being aware of what was going on. When that happens, remind yourself of this advice from Maya Angelou: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” It’s what you do after learning that makes the difference.?

Spread the message?

Empathy is a good first step for men who are actively seeking to become better allies, but that won’t be everyone. The truth is that when it comes to discussing gender bias, men are more engaged and likely to respond positively when the information comes from another man . And that applies organization-wide. When men are actively engaged in gender diversity and inclusion efforts, both women and men have a much more positive outlook toward eliminating inequities. We want to welcome more men into allyship, and we need your help to do it.

Men’s voices are also incredibly powerful when used to point out bias, sexism, or imbalance in real time. Women’s voices are less effective in this context (and we often suffer consequences for speaking out), but when men are the ones who confront bias in the workplace, those around them are more likely to take it seriously and to take action against the offender.?

I know it’s not easy to call someone else out, and many men are understandably hesitant to do so. But speaking “man-to-man” about bad behavior has the potential to change minds and educate (remember that Maya Angelou quote?). If you’re unsure of what to say or do, check out this article by Brad Johnson and David Smith for some great resources.?

Open doors

The best way to effect organizational change around gender bias? Promote more women to leadership roles. It kind of feels like a chicken-or-the-egg scenario, doesn’t it? Despite progress, men still occupy most senior leadership positions , which means that they hold the power to change an organization. I’m not suggesting you arbitrarily promote women, but that you consider the challenges they face and do what you can to level the playing ground. Here’s your opportunity to be a door-opener, and there are lots of ways to do it:

• Increase our visibility: It’s not uncommon for women to watch another colleague take credit for their work or ideas in real time. That’s why acknowledging our contributions —both publicly and privately—is so important. Recognition for a job well done, clear credit for ideas, and nominations for awards and promotions when applicable can go a long way in helping us to increase our visibility, which plays an important part in career advancement.
• Get off the mentorship merry-go-round: Sponsorship is the ultimate door-opener. In an often-insular industry, having someone to say your name in a room you’re not in is invaluable. But many women get stuck in the mentorship stage. Mentorship is important, but it can’t be indefinite.?
• Give us real feedback: Studies have repeatedly shown that women get more vague, less helpful feedback than men do. I wrote a newsletter not too long ago about how to change that. Read it here.

• Amplify women’s voices: it’s no secret that women are often talked over and ignored in meetings. When you see this happening, use your voice. “I don’t think Anne has finished speaking,” or “hold that thought, I want to hear what Susan was saying” can go a long way when this happens. And as we learned above, when this comes from a man, it’s more effective.
• Help us see our potential: A lifetime of socialization has made it difficult for many women to see our own potential, causing us to be hesitant about putting ourselves forward for opportunities. 65% of female CEOs didn’t even think they could be a CEO until someone else told them they could. Door-openers can help. I wrote a newsletter about this too. Check it out here.

If you’ve been an inactive ally, it’s time to become a door-opener. Your support and advocacy is invaluable and essential. Join us in helping to create a workplace that works for everyone.

In honor of Women’s History Month, send this newsletter to five people who could benefit from Swag-HER. Share this link!??

Women helping women is how we succeed. Check out my latest article for Built In n, How to Be the Ultimate Girls’ Girl in the Office to learn more!

The Mirrored Door: Break Through the Hidden Barrier that Locks Successful Women in Place is now available! Winner of the 2023 NYC Big Book award, it's the perfect gift for the professional woman in your life. Click here to get your copy!?

Make sure you never miss an issue by clicking “Subscribe” in the upper right-hand corner.?