How Can I Talk To My Husband Without Fighting (How To Talk To My Husband Without Him Getting Defensive)

How can I talk to my husband without fighting - How to talk to my husband without him getting defensive.?

Men and Women communicate differently. Those of you who have been married, for any length of time, will probably recognize this as a fact. I have always thought, our creator must have a keen sense of humor, to make men and women so drastically different. It, definitely, keeps things interesting.

Why is it so hard for men and women to understand each other? There are basic, ingrained differences in the way we communicate. A woman can be more subtle than her man. She expects him to pick up on her hints. For example, a woman can make a hint about how cold it is in the house. The man, often times, doesn't get this subtle hint. His response to her, perfectly clear suggestion, could be an agreement to her statement. He doesn't realize, this was a clue for him to go turn up the heat.

The woman is annoyed, because she feels she is clearly communicating her needs. The man is frustrated because he isn't picking up on her subtleties. He can't understand why she is upset with him. The man, being more direct, thinks she should have said what she wanted in the beginning. It is easy to understand why men and women have a hard time communicating, at times. Men respond to the direct approach, but that is not always the way women communicate.

I am not a trained or certified marriage counselor. My knowledge is the practical kind, which I have learned from a 30+ year marriage. These 3 tips worked for us.

1. Don't take it personally. Many times, we get caught up in over-sensitivity. Our spouse could have had a hard day at work, or many other assorted challenges in their day. If we take their mood personally it can be devastating. Early in my married life, I was over-sensitive. My husband could easily take off on a rant (learned behavior from his childhood). I would get my feelings hurt, because I felt his rantings was directed at me (learned behavior from my childhood). Even when I knew it had nothing to do with me, I could make it about me. As we continued to learn how to communicate and how we each felt, he ranted less (because he knew that upset me) and I grew thicker skin. Does that mean he doesn't rant any more? No, I just don't take it personally.

2. If it is at all possible, express one's feelings without anger. This can be a challenging. It is easy to get angry and fly off into anger, and hurt the other person with harsh words. Sometimes, removing oneself from the immediate emotional situation can help. Go somewhere to cool off. Discussing it with a friend is not advised. Friends have long memories, and can bring up things best forgotten. It is, also, very hurtful to our spouses to discuss these topics with others. We should never say to friends and family members things about our spouses that we wouldn't say in front of them.

If discussing the situation without anger is not possible than stick to the topic. Many people, when they fight, start bringing up all kinds of past grievances. This is very unproductive and foolish. Let the past grievances stay in the past and only discuss the current thing. It is best to make an effort, even in anger, not to say personally demeaning things to hurt the other person. Disagreements will be more productive this way. We must remember to keep our words sweet. We never know when we might have to eat them!

3. It is unrealistic for anyone to believe that once we are married our spouse is going to change. It doesn't happen. If we can't accept the things they do before marriage, it is best not to wed. The big things that bug us before marriage will become even bigger once the I do's are said.

If you find yourself wishing you hadn't married, try this exercise. Day one, pick one thing about your spouse that you like. Write it down. The next day, read what you wrote and add one more thing you like about your spouse. Day three, reread what you wrote the two previous days and add one more thing. Keep doing this for 10 days in a row. In the beginning of this exercise you may struggle with finding anything you like about them. But, if you are persistent and continue, at the end of the 10 days, you might be surprised at how different your attitude is about your spouse. What you choose to focus on will grow, either good or bad.

Learning to communicate with our life partner may seem difficult at first. It takes persistence, desire, and practice to understand them. When we have learned how our partner communicates and we honor it by teaching them how we communicate, our marriages becomes stronger and more satisfying. It is, always, worth the effort.

Do you ever feel like the only way to resolve a conflict is by slamming the door and walking away? Or by punishing your partner? It doesn't have to be this way. Find out incredibly powerful strategies for resolving your marriage conflicts in a more constructive and less emotionally stressful way - Find out here

3 Easy Steps on How to Save Your Marriage

Recent statistics make the idea of marriage look pretty bleak with one out of every three marriages ending in divorce. The effects this has on the family (you, your spouse and the kids) don't you think you should try to give your marriage a chance to succeed? Though it can be argued some marriages are best ended, it should also be noted that most couples just need to learn how to work on their marriage before opting for divorce.

Most couples fit into being one of those that just needs to learn how to save their marriage. To learn how to do this you need to start somewhere. Often getting started is the hard part so here are some easy steps to do that.

They are not exhaustive nor are they meant to be the complete answer. But if you follow these easy steps you will feel yourself moving in the right direction which will help you to keep on moving.

First: Be patient.

Your problems didn't just start yesterday so don't expect them to be all solved by tomorrow. Your spouse has lost their trust in you, the person they trusted most in their life. They need some time to heal. Try to imagine being them. Start to invest time and energy on a daily basis to improving your marriage by learning how to understand them and their feelings, how to communicate better, that you can be trusted, etc. and things are bound to get better.

Remember these changes are a process and will take some time. You need to also remember, some days are going to be better than others, just like everything in life, and that's just fine. Remember each time you feel you've hit a roadblock; focus on the progress you are making in your relationship.

Second: Complete transparency is important.

If you want your spouse to trust you again you need to start being completely transparent. No holding back. You need to talk openly about how you spend your time and who you spend it with. How you spend your money. Answer their questions honestly. Talk together about your schedule. Call frequently during work breaks and before leaving work for home. These are all great ways of letting them know you trust them and that you can be trusted.

Third: Let them know you'll be there.

Even though your spouse is upset and angry with you and may even want you to get out of their life they are also terrified you will leave them. This mix of emotions often causes them to behave irrationally at times but you need to understand that they are trying to work through their feelings and emotions. You can also be assured that they know their negative emotions are very unattractive to you.

Therefore by making sure they know that you will continue to be there for them is very important. Being able to understand their struggles will show them that you're willing stick with them even through the rough times. This will help them have more confidence in you, your relationship, and be more hopeful about being able to rebuild their marriage.

Even though these 3 practical steps to help you save your marriage are easy to understand and start putting into action, they also involve a lot and therefore can take you some time to completely make a part of your life and relationship. That is when you need to remember step one; patience. Be assured you can save your marriage.

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.