How can I overcome a fear of negotiation?
Negotiation
Perspectives from experts on the questions that matter to improve your negotiation skills.
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When it comes to negotiation, many people feel a natural sense of anxiety or fear. But whether you're negotiating a pay raise or a contract, the process doesn't have to be daunting. Here are a few things to keep in mind to help you overcome a fear of negotiation and come out ahead.?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Negotiation is a two-way street
You can’t script a negotiation, nor can you dictate the other party’s agenda, perceptions, or actions. But you can prepare for multiple scenarios, so you have clear, cogent responses at the ready depending on how your negotiating partner reacts. Make sure you’re both proactive and responsive in your interactions, and that you’re continually striving to find a middle ground that works for both parties.?
“Ask open-ended or diagnostic questions. These are questions that begin with who, what, when, where, how, and why, and they're key to unlocking your partner's interests…When you ask a closed-ended question, like, "Is it possible to work remotely on Fridays?" You'll likely get a yes or no answer, but if you were to turn that into a diagnostic question — ‘What are your thoughts about working remotely on Friday?’ —you encourage dialogue and exploration. Diagnostic questions are most helpful when your requests are met with resistance and pushback.”
— Lisa Gates is a career and leadership coach. She has over 15 years of leadership experience.
??In real life: The late Richard Holbrooke, the U.S. diplomat who brokered peace in the former Yugoslavia, likened negotiation to jazz. “It’s improvisation on a theme,” he said. “You know where you want to go, but you don’t know how to get there. It’s nonlinear.”
Don't be afraid to ask for what you want
You will never get what you don’t ask for. If you can remove the fear from your ask, you can free up space to be more thoughtful and less emotional. This can make it easier to spot areas where both parties stand to benefit.
When stating your desire, make sure to help the other party understand why what you’re requesting is reasonable. Never let your proposal speak for itself—always make sure to offer context and tell the story that informs your request.??
??In real life: Several studies have suggested that women and people of underrepresented groups shy away from negotiating on their own behalf. In Linda Babcock's book, Women Don’t Ask, she found that about 7% of female MBAs attempted to negotiate a pay raise, compared to 57% of men from the same program.
Be prepared
Know what you want to achieve in the negotiation and have a plan for how to get there. Define your objectives, rank your needs by how important they are to your business and consider what you'll do if the negotiation, or a particular outcome, fails.?
Make sure to spend some time analyzing the opposing party's objectives and needs, and discuss the best course of action with your colleagues and partners. Entering the discussion with a clear plan will help lessen some of your negotiation anxiety.
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“Laying out objective criteria and some of the assumptions you're making can help you be more fact-based in approaching the deal. Next, understand the barriers to the deal…The better you understand what these potential barriers are, the better you're going to be able to negotiate either around them or get things as concessions to help you overcome those barriers.”
—Mike Figliulo is the founder and managing director of thoughtLEADERS, LLC, a professional services training firm. He has over 25 years of management experience.
Be confident
Believe in yourself and your ability to negotiate. Your confidence level will have a huge affect on your behavior and what you ultimately achieve at the negotiating table. If you go into your conversation believing you can achieve a favorable outcome, you are setting yourself up for success.?
“I have a challenge: Become a daily asker. Make 10 asks every day for a week. Ask for a ride to work. Ask for your partner to pick up the kids. Ask for someone else to take notes in a meeting. Your goal is to notice how often you get a yes, and what you do when you get a no. I predict that you'll get far more yeses than you expect, and that should give you more confidence to work your way through and past no.”
—Lisa Gates is a career and leadership coach. She has over 15 years of leadership experience.
Don't take it personally
Negotiation is a business transaction, not a personal one. Keep your emotions in check and don't let them cloud your judgment.??
“Maybe you'll get money off, maybe you won't, but either way, it's just a game. Even at work, where the sums of money could be very large, you're still playing a kind of chess game for your organization. Your objective is to play the best moves and see what moves they play and how you can respond to those. But you are detached, it's not personal to you.”
— Chris Croft is an author, lecturer and thought leader. He has over 40 years of management experience.
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How this article was made: An AI generated an initial answer to a question. The response was then fact checked, corrected, and amended by editor Anamaria Silic. Any errors or additions? Please let us know in the comments.
Midwest Talent + Creative helping right-fit clients put their best face forward, brand or individual, experiential, print, and digital
2 年As a #freelancer, I can't say I love negotiation. I don't. But, I've realized 2 specific things that have helped... 1. Starting the negotiation through a written medium such as email or text, but finalizing over the phone, on a virtual call, or in-person. 2. Not freaking out if it doesn't work out. Yeah, I might be bummed for a day because some expectation and hope has started building and now it's left. But, a #freelance agreement has to be a mutual fit. The monetary aspect is just one aspect of whether a client and a project is a right fit.
Seeking opportunities to use acquired skills to glorify The Lord ??
2 年Too often during the early stages of job hunting people feel desperate to “win” the job without considering that if the tasks do not align or the budget won’t allow for their financial target, it isn’t a fit. Negotiations begin when there is equal trade involved and both sides can win.
Marketing Account Strategist @ Ascend Strategy & Design
2 年Always come prepared! Consistently keep track of your most relevant accomplishments within each role and use them as leverage to negotiate your worth. If you're looking for an internal promotion, review the role's original scope and be ready to showcase how your functions have grown and changed over time.
Communications Manager at The Chemours Company
2 年Keep your expectations aligned with reality. It is important to remain pragmatic in what works for both parties while not undermining your personal values, goals, and self-worth. To achieve this, self-reflection and open communication are key.
Writer
2 年I believe in grounding yourself to your personal mission and finding companies aligned with those values. What is it that you want to achieve in this new role: entry-level experience, a move to a company that will appreciate you and your unique vision and skill set in a lateral move from a company that does not? Is this a genuine step in the next direction of your career or just a "get-me-by" until the "right" job comes your way? Is this a company that you know, beyond a doubt, is one where you could see yourself for the rest of your career? What are the reasons you applied for the job? Are you prepared to sacrifice certain things to join that company that looks dreamy on the outside? What happens when you get into the role and then find it is not the place for you? Negotiation begins with the self, before applying for the job. If you have reached an interview with a company that you know for certain is "the" place for you, and in my opinion, your authenticity, the excellence of your work, and a great deal of research before the application or interview takes place is all a good starting place for negotiation.