How can I negotiate effectively with difficult people?
Negotiation
Perspectives from experts on the questions that matter to improve your negotiation skills.
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It’s inevitable. In every corner of the world, in every line of work, you will find difficult people. And whether you like it or not, you will have to deal with them.?
The first step in negotiating with a difficult person is to understand what makes them difficult. There are many reasons why someone might be difficult, but some of the most common reasons are: They feel like they're not being heard. They feel like they're misunderstood. They feel like they're being taken advantage of. They're afraid of change. They're not used to being told "no."??
Once you’re aware of the likely motivations behind their difficult behavior, you can start to think about how to best approach the situation.?
Be patient and calm?
It can be challenging to remain calm and patient when dealing with a difficult person, but getting angry or defensive will only make the situation worse. Instead, be mindful about your tone, avoid signaling ultimatums or threats and strive for win-win solutions.
“The overarching strategy for all these negotiations is to stay calm and regain perspective. Negotiation scholar William Ury calls it ‘going to the balcony.’ Imagine you're physically watching the interaction from above. Figure out what you need to learn or change to get things back on track. Be confident in your right to be treated respectfully at the bargaining table. Remember, you can't change what your opponent is doing, but you can control how you react.”
—Carolyn Goerner is a professor at Kelley School of Business and the founder of Practical Paradigms.
Listen more than you speak
Let the person vent and really listen to what they're saying. Try to see things from their perspective. Listening is a powerful relationship-building tool and will help you build rapport and trust even when the other party’s being difficult or demanding.
Avoid making assumptions
It's easy to make assumptions about why someone is being difficult, but it's important to avoid this. Instead, ask questions and try to get to the root of the issue.
“Ask diagnostic questions, labeling, mirroring and brainstorming. Over time, you'll notice you're having problem solving, value creating conversations.”
—Lisa Gates is a career and leadership coach. She has over 15 years of leadership experience.
Be willing to compromise
If you're not willing to budge, the negotiation is likely to come to a standstill. Be prepared to give and take. Stay open to different ways of achieving your objectives, and make sure you’re continually striving to find ground that works for both parties.?
Be assertive, not aggressive
There's a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. You want to be assertive, which means being firm and confident in what you're asking for, but not aggressive, which means being pushy or overly demanding.??
“It's time to toughen up a little because, strange as it seems, difficult people respect other difficult people they know they can't manipulate. That's not to say you should match their attitude, but rather make it clear that you have a conviction and integrity that will not disappear just because they disagree with you.”
— Adam Ferree is a director of negotiation strategy at Walmart. He has over 5 years of negotiation experience.
Be prepared to walk away
If the negotiation isn't going well, you may need to exit the conversation. This doesn't mean you've failed; it just means that you're not going to let the situation turn into a battle.??
“Take time out. Quite often, [your negotiation partner will have] thought about it and have come around to your point of view. They just can't manage to admit that they're wrong at the time of discussion and trying to force them into doing so is never going to work. It's much better to walk away and then come back later.”
—Chris Croft is an author, lecturer and a thought leader. He has over 40 years of management experience.
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How this article was made: This article is a beta test. It was created by having an AI generate an initial answer to a question. The response was then fact checked, corrected, and amended by editor Anamaria Silic . Any errors or additions? Please let us know in the comments.
Options Trader, Owner, and Portfolio Newsletter Manager for Pirate Global Options.
2 年You have to give difficult people room and space to do their thing . Next I try to figure out why the feel the need to be difficult. I then look to create pathways that are above their need to be difficult. It's like what kind of trade off would it take for them to just drop being difficult ? What kind of trade off would it take for them to switch gears in their brains and become more reasonable ??
Banking Executive | Change Leader | Dynamic | Managing Director | Retail Banking & Deposit Operations @Berkshire Bank BHLB (NYSE)
2 年It's important to know who your audience is and ensure you are not only prepared with knowledge but also prepared to deal with the emotions that arise out of negotiations. I like to ask questions that will help me understand others' perspectives, this often diffuses the situation as I often find that people want to be heard. It helps foster creativity in finding solutions that are mutually beneficial. I also paraphrase to ensure I have their concerns duly noted, this also helps diffuse because it shows care about the issues they have put forth. I also maintain my composure as reacting in the same way will only make things worse.
Learn to harvest the truth so you can spit the spark before the flame. That means knowing peoples baseline and how to read facial expressions. Also consider the multiple causes of difficulty : sometimes it’s status or identity. More at clarkfreshman.com
Negotiation, Conflict Management, and Crisis Management Specialist : Peace, Hostage, Crisis, and Business Negotiations : Conflict Advisor, former Harvard Negotiation Project
2 年There is no substitute for practice and experience. It is possible to train in the skills of Negotiation Self-Defense. But you need to find a skilled, experienced instructor who has seen it all. Once you've trained in the skills of Negotiation Self-Defense, no one can intimidate you.
Turning conflict into opportunity.
2 年Their conflict exists in their story of the past about what happened to them and what they made it mean. Until they get that you heard and understand their story there is little room for listening to you. Many excellent comments on listening and when done well the conversation can shift from the past and fault and blame to the future and resolution.