How Can Black And Brown Women Handle Gaslighting In The Workplace?

Did you know…?

The term “gaslighting” originally comes from a 1938 play by Patrick Hamilton, which was later adapted into a film called Gaslight by Alfred Hitchcock.?

In the film, a husband tries to make his wife think that she's losing her mind by making subtle changes in her environment, such as dimming the flame on a gas lamp - which he assures her is only her imagination. As a result, the wife begins to second-guess her feelings, perceptions, and memories. She starts questioning her sanity, feeling neurotic, hypersensitive, and out of control.?

This film was such an accurate portrayal of the controlling and toxic actions used by manipulative people. Psychologists and counselors coined this type of emotional abuse “gaslighting.”

Making you question yourself, your experiences, and your reality is the ultimate end goal of someone who uses this tactic on others. And if this sounds like something you’ve experienced at work, I want you to know that you don’t have to suffer in silence.

My recent guest on Being Brown At Work Live, certified executive coach Zenica Chatman, shared this handy fact about the origin of the term “gaslighting,” as well as a few ways to overcome this awful form of manipulation and keep striving to the next level.

Call it what it is.

Zenica says that her clients are often reluctant or unable to put a name to their bullying experiences.?

“You have to acknowledge what it is, (what) you have experienced, and acknowledge your feelings around it. Because being gaslit and being manipulated in this way…just has a way of breaking your confidence.”?

“You can't start to heal if you don't acknowledge what has happened to you and start actually to get some distance from it.”

And while Zenica acknowledges that you can’t always physically limit your interactions with your bullies in the work environment, you can limit the mental and emotional space you give them.

Don’t let the stereotypes hinder you.

Zenica says that as Black women, we often don’t want to live up to the stereotypes of being “angry” or “confrontational.” However, as victims of gaslighting, our reluctance to take action will do us more harm than good.

“As descendants of oppressed people, questioning could get you killed. And so we absolutely carry that in the workplace too…not wanting to push the bounds or test authority.”

Zenica stresses the importance that victims understand and explore where these ideas come from and how it impacts how they show up at work.

It’s also important to acknowledge that we’re entitled to feel a vast array of emotions, even as Black women - including anger.?

“If somebody is gaslighting you, you are a human being, having a human experience. We don't want to be angry because we're always labeled that. But guess what? That's a natural emotion. When you start to understand gaslighting is really a form of manipulation and emotional abuse, How do you think you're supposed to feel?”

Let it go, let it go.

As humans, we’re always looking for validation. But Zenica advises that you may never find the validation you’re looking for in gaslighting situations.?

“You can't change other people's actions. You just don't have any control over that. You have to learn to validate your own experience. Your experience is already valid.”

Invest in the help you need.

If you're ready to put your foot down and discover how to boost your self-confidence, show up authentically, and never again allow gaslighting to stand in the way of your success, join me for The Being Conference.

I'll personally show you how to build the confidence, communication, and interpersonal skills you need to not only call out gaslighting when it happens but also boost your professional brand and steer your career where YOU want it to go.

This is your chance to strengthen yourself in the areas you need to be able to stand up to gaslighting and climb the professional ladder. Spaces are almost gone, so be sure to reserve your spot today. See you there!