How to Call Yourself a Digital Nomad When You’re Just Using Café Wi-Fi

The digital nomad lifestyle. Doesn’t it just scream freedom, adventure, and working from the beaches of Bali? But let’s be honest: not every so-called digital nomad is living the Instagram dream. Some are just hopping between cafés, hunting for stable Wi-Fi, and hoping no one notices the “Digital Nomad Starter Pack” they’re carrying—laptop, headphones, and a latte they’ve been nursing for three hours.

So, how do you sell the dream without actually living it? Here’s how:

Step 1: Master the Pose

First things first, make your setup look intentional. Find the corner of the café with the best lighting. Angle your laptop just enough so the Apple logo (or a convincing sticker) is visible. Add a half-empty coffee cup, an open notebook, and maybe a passport for that extra touch of “global citizen” credibility. Don’t forget to take a candid photo of yourself “working,” preferably staring pensively at the screen.

Step 2: Drop Some Exotic References

When talking to friends or posting on LinkedIn, casually mention that you’ve been working on a “global time zone” lately. Drop phrases like, “This Singapore client really keeps me on my toes” or “I had to take that meeting at 3 AM because my Berlin contact had a tight schedule.” It doesn’t matter if you’ve only emailed someone in a different time zone once—what matters is the vibe.

Step 3: Turn Coffee Shops into Boardrooms

Remember, being a digital nomad doesn’t mean you’re “homeless with a laptop.” It means every café is your office. Need a meeting room? Use the café patio. Forgot a printer? Who even uses those anymore? And if someone asks why you’re always there, just smile and say, “I thrive on location flexibility.”

Step 4: Perfect the Humblebrag

Post on social media about your “remote work freedom” but make sure to include the right mix of struggle and success. Something like, “It’s not always easy working from paradise, but the ocean breeze definitely helps my creative flow.” Pair it with a photo of a tropical screensaver on your laptop—no one needs to know you’re in a Starbucks by the highway.

Step 5: Work Smarter, Not Harder (Or Just Look Busy)

The key to pulling off the digital nomad lifestyle is always appearing productive. Carry around documents (even if you’re just rereading them), send emails at odd hours to make it seem like you’re hustling across time zones, and use terms like “client deliverables” and “scaling strategies.”

Step 6: Own It

Finally, lean into it. When someone calls out that you’re just freelancing or job hunting from cafés, respond with, “Well, isn’t that the point? Being a digital nomad means working on your terms. I just choose to live freely.” Mic drop.

The Very Very Very Great Conclusion

Not all digital nomads are coding apps from the Maldives or attending Zoom calls from a bamboo hut. But with a little creativity and a lot of confidence, you can pull off the illusion and maybe even start living the real thing someday. Until then, make sure that Wi-Fi signal stays strong!

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