How the Bystander Effect Unfolded During My Bus Stop Attack At 19

"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." — Albert Einstein

Most of us, if we’re being honest, would admit that at some point in our lives we witnessed a bad situation – like a heated argument on the street or an uncomfortable exchange at work – where we remained silent, reluctant to intervene.

Most of us feel guilty, on reflection, and wish that we had stood up, spoken up and really leaned into our bravery.

So, what stopped us?

A phenomenon called the "bystander effect," a social psychological concept where individuals are less likely to offer help or intervene in an emergency when other people are present!?

It's a complex interplay of; diffusion of responsibility, social influence, and fear.

And whilst I know I’ve been on the silent, walk past, head down side, I’ve also been on the other side – genuinely needing someone to help me, and an entire group of people pretending nothing was happening…

Silent Witnesses: My Attack at the Bus Stop?

I was 19 years old, not long out of high school and unused to being in the city on my own.? I was waiting at a bus stop, when, out of nowhere, a man started walking up the street yelling and acting aggressively.? As he neared the bus stop, he made a bee line for me.?

There were at least ten other people (grown-ups, in my eyes!) also at the bus stop, but as he came towards me and backed me up against a shop window, one arm on either side of my head, no-one said a word.

I couldn’t believe it. No-one even looked in our direction, despite me screaming, “Can somebody please help me?!”??

Eventually, I managed to break away and run into a shop where the shopkeeper, who’d been watching on, locked the door behind me.?

Thankfully, I was unharmed physically, but the harrowing experience stayed with me, and more than the shocking attack by the man, I was most upset by the lack of help from all of the other people at the bus stop.

That’s the ‘bystander effect's’ power. In a crowded space, the presence of multiple witnesses paradoxically decreases the likelihood of someone stepping in to help.?

The "someone else will do it" mentality can paralyse even the most well-intentioned individuals.

And, while this is an extreme example, the bystander effect doesn’t just confine itself to public spaces – this dynamic plays out in workplaces too.

As many of you will have heard me say; ‘Leadership is just as much what you tolerate or walk past, as it is what you do positively.’

When we witness bad behaviour, from an eyeroll to harassment, discrimination, or bullying, our silence perpetuates a toxic work culture.?

By choosing to remain silent bystanders, we allow negative behaviours to persist.

We may fear retaliation, social isolation, or simply do not want to get involved.

But the truth is, we're only as good as the behaviours we tolerate.

Culture is Catchy!

Speaking up at work when you witness someone being treated poorly can be an incredibly daunting task.?

It's challenging because you fear the repercussions, the potential backlash, or the awkwardness that may follow.?

Recently a client of mine, Sarah, faced a dilemma that many of us encounter: witnessing injustice in the workplace.?

During a team meeting, Sarah noticed a colleague, Mark, consistently interrupting and talking over their co-worker, Lisa. She could see the discomfort in Lisa's eyes, yet Sarah hesitated to speak up.??Neither did anyone else.?

The bystander effect was in full swing; the fear of retaliation and the desire to avoid confrontation held everyone back.? As Leaders, we’re just people too, and equally susceptible to the bystander effect.??

Many of us grew up seeing conflict as destructive and something to be avoided, but, ultimately, we get the culture we deserve, so if you want a workplace culture of psychological safety, trust and respect, you have to create it by role modelling it yourself.

It’s our responsibility to step up and step in – even when it’s hard to do.

After talking through some different approaches, Sarah decided to take action.?

In the next meeting when Sarah noticed the same behaviour from Mark, she gathered her courage and interjected to remind Mark that Lisa wasn’t finished.?

To Sarah’s surprise, Mark was gracious and thankful for the nudge – he admitted he needs to be more conscious of his communication style, especially in meetings, and appreciated the reminder.?

The ripple effect of this small, yet courageous, step was remarkable and helped the ongoing communication dynamics of the team meetings.?

Sarah's journey reflects the profound impact that stepping into gritty conversations can have towards the cultivation of healthier, more respectful work environments.

To create a workplace that values respect and fairness, summoning the courage to be bold and brave yourself is essential.?

Silence in the face of such injustices can perpetuate a toxic work environment and harm both individuals and the overall team dynamics, which ultimately erodes productivity and staff retention.

As Leaders, it's imperative that we create environments where individuals feel empowered to speak up and intervene when necessary.?

It may not always be easy, but it's a responsibility we owe to ourselves and our colleagues.

If this is something you'd like to learn more about - let's connect!

Email: [email protected] to discuss ways we could work together.

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