How to Build Unshakeable Confidence (Without Faking It)

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you build.

And most people try to build it the wrong way.

They wait until they feel confident before taking action. But confidence isn’t the cause of action, it’s the result of it.

For context, growing up I struggled with severe social anxiety. Connecting with people was almost impossible, I had so much fear about how others would perceive me. This proved deadly in business because my lack of confidence impacted how I showed up in my business, especially in sales.

Over the course of 5 plus years, I set out on a journey to develop a framework to build unshakable confidence.

So how do you actually develop the kind of confidence that doesn’t crack under pressure? The kind that makes you trust yourself no matter what?

Here’s the framework I use with my clients to build unshakeable confidence:

Most people avoid discomfort like the plague. But confidence comes from repeated exposure to uncomfortable situations, not from avoiding them.

I was in meditation one day when I received a download. It was as if the creator was speaking to me. The voice said: "Cody you have two choices... Either you willingly seek out discomfort so you can grow and become more resilient on your agenda, or I will place you through discomfort but it will be when I choose."

That was the moment when I learnt that in life we inherently go through hardship. Life is tough sometimes, but if we willingly seek out challenges to grow and evolve, when we do experience real hardship, we will be less affected by it.

Here's what I recommend:

• Start small: Take cold showers, start conversations with strangers, and speak up in meetings.
• Push limits daily: The more you prove you can handle discomfort, the more resilient you become. The result is you leaning into a challenge instead of avoiding it.

The only way a ship can sink is if it lets the water in. Same thing with us and stress. Rather than wishing to have less stress and pressure around us, it's wiser to build a stronger hull.

If you don’t feel like you’re making progress, your confidence will take a hit. The key is to actively track and recognize your wins. My life changed for the better when I began placing my focus on my accomplishments. Training myself to focus on my wins created a positive feedback loop of "Hey, you are doing well, here's more energy to keep going".

• Write down 3 wins every day (big or small).
• Reflect weekly on how far you’ve come.
• Celebrate progress—not just results.

The result of increasing your perceived achievements is that you'll develop more energy to take on the next big challenge. Momentum is a very addicting drug. But it goes both ways.

Winners keep winning, and losers keep losing... Momentum is an unstoppable force.

Confidence rooted in others’ approval is fragile. Build internal validation instead. One of the biggest shifts in my life happened when I let go of the need to be accepted by others. My fear of being judged prevented me from showing up authentically.

• Set standards based on what you respect, not what others expect.
• Focus on who you are becoming rather than what people think.
• Ask yourself: Would I be proud of this, even if no one knew?

The result of decreasing your external validation is that you'll give yourself permission to truly be yourself. Authenticity is the most powerful edge you can have on others because it can't be replicated.

The fear of failure kills confidence. The trick? Redefine what failure means. The beauty of the mind is that we have perception. What this means is that we don't experience life, we experience the life we focus on. So if you have an experience, that experience is neutral, our mind is what gives it meaning.

Here's a perfect example: Pre-covid, I was in a relationship. After almost 4 years I found out that my ex had cheated on me. Devastating right?! It ruined me for over a year. But here's the kicker... When I found out, I knew deep down that this was going to be a massive turning point for the better. I just didn't know how. All I knew is that it was going to be a positive turning point.

• See setbacks as an opportunity to learn, not to be defeated. Life teaches us through hardship.
• Instead of asking, “Why did I fail?”, ask “What did I learn from this experience?”
• The more you detach from perfection, the more unstoppable you become.

Thank you for taking the time to read this week's article.

?? If you found it valuable it would mean the world if you reposted it to your network to help the newsletter get to more people.

Lastly, If you are a burnt-out entrepreneur who's ready to scale and build a life you don't want to escape without sacrificing your well-being, feel free to book a discovery call below to see how I can support you on your journey.

Book Here

Thank you again, and tune in every Tuesday where I'll share Practical Systems for Success.

Have a great week until then!!

-Cody