How to Build a Healthy Relationship

After 24 years, I can affirm that placing a bowl of lachcha pyaz alongside a pot of rasam and a bowl of poriyal, while imperfect, is quite alright.

While we usually focus on being right, few things rupture a relationship than the need to be R-Right.

Relationships are perhaps more tenuous than they have been in a long time. At?Skooc, we work in the space of family therapy and find those closely held convictions linked with ego – the cross beams from where identity and beliefs hang, make for the most bruising wounds in a relationship.

Nothing about this is new, and no quick fixes, but

1. for long, we have been conditioned to think of love from the view of how to be loved as opposed to how to love. Leading to the right way to have a relationship

2. you have a right way, and I have mine. Your way is the best, and so is mine; they are all myths. Perhaps when we let go of the myth, we will start to love the human.?

3. most issues aren’t because of not getting what we want in the relationship but not being clear about what we want and being able to state it as such.

The whole institution of relationships is being reimagined. More equitable, more inclusive, less rigid, and less suffocating?

It is being challenged to rise to meet higher standards.

So,

1. don’t let go of what the ideal of a relationship is for you. Create one if you don’t have it ready

2. go boldly for the person who meets your ideal.

3. when flaws emerge in your ideal, recognise with compassion that you aren’t ideal either. Push away the disillusion that you will feel, and instead of focusing on the mythological “one” swing your gaze to this one.

4. work on the imperfections in you and your partner, agreeing that perfection isn’t real, and it isn’t life or love.

It is in imperfections that real love is created.

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Devi Mani,

Founder & CEO

Skooc