How to Build Confidence at Work

I used to give a disclaimer before I spoke up in a group.?It was pointed out to me that it was ego masking as false humility. ?

An example: “I may be wrong, but…”?or “I realize I don’t have the expertise of those present” or here is the good one: “With all due respect.”

It’s all hogwash.?It is a way I am trying to get a point across but accepting no responsibility for my opinion.

If I act uncertain, like I am not getting to the point but filling up sentences with peripheral information just to flesh out what I know isn’t necessary, you have already stopped listening to me.

I live in Southern California.?We have “valley girls” here.?This stereotype has a habit of ending a sentence on an upswing, sounding like everything is a question.?It is a pattern of speech that is not only confusing, but it can become infuriating sometimes.?

The other terrible habit these young people have is throwing the filler word “like” into almost every sentence.?It destroys intent and credibility.?It makes people sound pretty, well, dumb…

I have worked with these young people.?Having these habits change is almost impossible.?It isn’t doable by a coach like me.?It requires a speech coach and lots of discipline.

These “kids,” as I call them, have a hard time, if not an impossible time, getting the big jobs in management.?Remember, they are the population going into the work force.?They are in their early to late twenties and early thirties for the most part. They just aren’t hirable in many openings which may appear, and they usually aren’t promotable once they are hired.?They have mimicked a pattern of speech which instills uncertainty and lack of trust in their audience. ??

I have noticed that, if I slow down, maintain eye contact, and stop using my hands to gesticulate wildly, I am taken more seriously.?This makes people feel very secure.

This article speaks cogently about patterns and ways of speaking.?I also wrote, in a previous article, about facing the audience (even an audience of one), squaring my shoulders, maintaining eye contact…etc.)?

And as I said at the beginning of this article, removing qualifiers from my speech is extremely important. ?I know that going to what I want to say directly makes me more confident and makes me sound more confident.

If I hold back, if I am reticent to speak up, people sense that, and I am not building confidence, either in myself or in those around me.

The author gives some interesting protocols to find the “unique you” as ways to give you confidence in speaking up.?The following exercise was helpful for me.?It is a thoughtful exercise, to be done by journaling, and not necessarily one to share with others.

Describe my background. ?

Consider where I grew up, what is interesting about my childhood, my ethnicity, etc.?What religion did my parents bring me up in??Where did I grow up? What was high school like in my community?

Describe experiences that have shaped me.

There were so many.?I wrote and wrote in my journal.?I wrote about my relationships, my jobs, my children, big events, the first earthquake I experienced.

List my notable traits

This was fun.?I was so used to thinking negative things I liked listing things I liked about myself which were noteworthy!

And my take-away from this was learning that there would always be something about UNIQUE ME worthy of knowing and sharing.?No matter what.

Finally, the author suggests activities where I might practice confident behaviors, from learning how to greet people in a new way to taking more initiative.

This takes practice.?If you have a habit of using diminutive language like, “I’m just a rookie” or using qualifiers such as “I may be wrong,” it is time to eliminate these habits of language altogether and find new ways to communicate. It could be time to record your speech patterns and work on changing timbre and tone.?Just be willing and continue to be patient.?It takes time and practice.

I think this, and this alone, builds the most confidence in the workplace.?Try just these few things and see what happens.?Then tell me about it!