How to build the confidence to put self out there.

[This is part of a three-part series, Read my writing on #1 here. Today I discuss #2]

I studied as an improv actor for three years.

Year 1 - I took 101 twice. Once at BATS in San Francisco. Second time at Unexpected Productions in Seattle.?

Year 2 - I moved on to 201. I also continued all the way through 501 with the same core group. I auditioned for the theater ensemble. I took two standup comedy classes (one in Seatle and one in NYC). Both classes ended with my ten minute standup spot.

Year 3 - I started going to open mics at standup comedy clubs in Seattle. I also joined a weekly Meisner workout.?I even did a singing improv show (omg, it was horribly fun).

I wasn't trying to become an actor. I was focused on expanding my comfort zone.?

People have often said to me, “its so easy for you because you’re _____”?

“Outgoing”

“Extroverted”

The truth is that prior to improv lessons, standing on the stage virtual or in real life was paralyzing to me.?

I had spent lots of $$$ taking speaker training, going to retreats, hiring coaches, and a handful of somatic healing procedures.?

I had all the information. I had all the training. I had all the right support.

And, yet, when I was handed the microphone, I always forgot my name and lost my words.?

Improv training was my medicine.?

It was at an improv class that I first heard the critical voice in my head.

I had just finished an exercise with a classmate and taken a seat. The teacher was giving us all notes. I couldn’t hear one word because I was in a perfectionism beat down between my ears.?

Walking home from class that evening I made a courageous move.?

I turned toward that interaction, and I asked myself, “where else do I talk like this to myself?”

Over the next week, I noticed that it was everywhere and constant, even if soft and under the radar.?

I’d finish a call with a client and I’d hone in on all the ways that I wasn’t good enough.?

I’d lose a business deal and I’d hear myself mutter, “If I only had …., then I could have…”

This self-talk did not feel good and it definitely did not motivate me, but there it was tearing me down.?

Turns out that putting myself on the stage amplified the relationship I had with myself.

The way I saw it, I had two options:?

1 - Stop putting myself out there on a stage

2 - Begin to work with this voice.

I chose #2. If I wanted to have a different outcome when speaking from the stage, I was going to need a more empowered relationship with myself.?

Improv training was the playground and the focus was incrementally stepping out of my comfort zone.?

I learned to talk to that voice like a friend instead of someone I was ashamed of.

I was jumping in first during improv workouts.?

I was auditioning for things way out of my league.?

Most importantly, I was remembering my name and getting words out of my mouth. People were laughing. I was having a great time.?

This growth translated to work too. I was catching myself at networking events or sales calls starting to shrink, and I would turn towards myself and hear my concerns.

The fear never went away, but I was more available.

Over time I realized that it is just one of the many emotions that make me human. Rather than turn from it, I learned to ask what is the thing I'm afraid of.

Failure. Rejection.

What I learned is that success is birthed from failure, and rejection is merely a part of finding the right people.

Improv taught me to embrace the fool.

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, one must die to an old self to let a new self take form.?

Get the information you need. Be prepared. Practice your heart out.?

But when the lights go down and you take to the stage, you have to let it all go to truly be present with others.?

Clients. Friends. Audience attendees. No one wants perfection. They want permission to be more of themselves. When you embrace the fool and step out of your comfort zone, you give us all permission to do the same.