How To Build Confidence

Own Your Ambition, Femininity, and Power Instead

Women are frequently told they need to be more confident, as if a lack of confidence is the reason they are overlooked, underpaid, or not advancing as quickly as their male counterparts. This advice, while common, is misleading. Confidence is not the issue, or at least building confidence isn’t. The real challenge is the systemic and internal obstacles that make women doubt their abilities or hesitate to own their ambitions. These are the issues that need to be overcome for women to be more confident.

Harvard Business Review’s article, How Confidence Is Weaponised Against Women, sheds light on this problem. The expectation that women should project confidence often serves as a distraction from the real work of removing barriers to progress. Confidence is often demanded from women in a way that is not required of men, placing the burden of success on their ability to appear self-assured rather than addressing the environments and biases that hold them back.

The Problem with the Confidence Narrative

The push for women to “be more confident” assumes that they lack something essential, rather than recognising the structural and cultural conditions that create self-doubt. It suggests that if women simply believed in themselves more, they would achieve more. This perspective ignores key realities:

• Confidence is judged differently in men and women. When men exhibit confidence, it is often interpreted as competence. When women do the same, they may be perceived as aggressive, arrogant, or difficult. The same traits that earn men respect can lead to women being penalised.Women are expected to balance confidence with likeability. The pressure to appear both self-assured and approachable creates a double bind. Women who assert themselves can face resistance, while those who hesitate may be overlooked.Confidence does not guarantee success. Many highly capable women operate with less outward confidence than their male peers and still deliver exceptional results. Meanwhile, overconfident individuals are often promoted regardless of their actual competence.

Instead of urging women to be more confident, we need to focus on what actually enables them to step into confident leadership fully: removing self-doubt, understanding their strengths, and leveraging their unique abilities without apology.

The Confidence Trap

Encouraging women to “be more confident” ignores a crucial fact: confidence is not something you simply build. It is a by-product of action, self-awareness, and an environment that supports growth rather than penalising missteps. Women do not need another vague directive to feel differently about themselves. They need practical steps that allow them to move beyond hesitation and into ownership of their talents.

1. Own Your Ambition—Say It Out Loud

One of the most common ways confidence is undermined is through hesitation in expressing ambition. Many women instinctively downplay their goals, fearing they will be seen as too pushy, unrealistic, or self-serving. This needs to change.

Instead of waiting for permission, start by speaking your ambitions aloud. Whether it is a promotion, a career pivot, or a personal milestone, claiming it gives it weight. Ambition is not arrogance. It is clarity. It is by its definition a strong desire to do or achieve something. When you don’t speak up, others assume you’re not as ambitious as someone who does. It also means that investment is going to those who do ask for what the want. The problem? It’s men who ask more often than women and are therefore getting the investment. Stake your claim by politely and in a way that feels comfortable to you, asking for what you want.

2. Recognise Your Leadership Strengths

Confidence is often confused with a certain kind of leadership—one that is direct, outspoken, and unwavering. The reality is that leadership comes in many forms. Women bring distinct strengths to leadership, whether that is emotional intelligence, strategic thinking, or resilience.

To lead with certainty, you must understand and use what sets you apart. What are your leadership superpowers and strongest leadership traits? Where do you naturally excel? What the habits or default behaviours that undermine these strengths? Identify the strengths, overcome the defaults and make your strengths into superpowers that can’t be ignored. Be known as the leader who…<insert superpower here>. This is what confidence looks like in action. When you stop trying to fit a rigid mould and lean into your strengths, self-doubt loses its hold.

3. Identify and Challenge Your Inner Critic

Most women are familiar with the voice of self-doubt—the one that questions whether they are ready, qualified, or capable. This is not a sign of lacking confidence. It is a deeply ingrained habit, reinforced by experiences where women have been overlooked or challenged more than men.

Instead of trying to silence this voice, recognise it for what it is. As a starting point, notice when it speaks up and ask yourself:

• Is this thought based on fact or fear?Would I say this to someone I love, mentor or admire?What evidence do I have that contradicts this belief?

Reframing self-doubt is a far more powerful approach than attempting to drown it out with forced confidence or faking it til you make it. Simply recognise and challenge this voice as a starting point. There’s actually a lot more to this that you can learn about it in my “Own Your Inner Critic Workbook“. I encourage you to download it and work through step by step how to own your inner critic.

4. Lean Into Your Own Style of Power

Women are frequently encouraged to lead more like men, as if their natural ways of communicating, decision-making, or influencing are inadequate.

True confidence comes from fully embracing your own approach. Whether you lead with empathy, directness, patience, or decisiveness, own it. Strength is not one-dimensional. The most effective leaders know how to use what they naturally do well rather than constantly adjusting to meet someone else’s expectations. In fact, women outscore men in 17 of the 19 predictors of leadership success so don’t worry about what others are doing, own your power and do it your way. The results will build momentum and as a result confidence. Which brings me to my next point!

5. Take Action Before You Feel Ready

Waiting to feel more confident before making a move is one of the biggest traps. Confidence grows from action, not the other way around. Every step forward—whether that is speaking up in a meeting, applying for a challenging role, or taking on a leadership opportunity—reinforces capability. The more you do, the less space doubt has to exist. Even better momentum means that you can see progress and you turn into a fly wheel, turning faster and faster, with each rotation taking less and less effort. By building momentum confidence naturally follows. And when you think “but what if I fail” remind yourself that the resilience to overcome setbacks is a big part of this momentum that builds confidence. Take the lesson and take the next step. You are amazing, you can do great things!

Shifting the Narrative

The advice for women needs to shift from “be more confident” to something more meaningful:

• Own your ambition and state your goals clearly.Leverage your strengths rather than trying to fit into outdated leadership ideals.Challenge the inner critic and treat yourself with self-compassion instead of believing it.Embrace your natural leadership style instead of adapting to fit external expectations.Take action regardless of whether you feel 100% ready.

This is not about fixing women’s confidence. It is about removing the barriers—internal and external—that make them question their worth in the first place. When women stop trying to build confidence and instead focus on owning their abilities, strengths, and ambitions, they naturally create the presence and authority that so many are told they need to develop.

Final Thoughts

Confidence has been used as both a tool and a barrier for women, often making them feel as though they need to change themselves to succeed. The truth is, confidence is not a requirement for leadership—clarity, self-awareness, and action are.

Rather than striving to be more confident, focus on stepping fully into who you are, what you want, and how you lead. The confidence will follow. Oh and if you’re a leader, reflect on the feedback you give others about confidence. Make sure you’re offering actionable insights and feedback rather than a vague “be more confident”.

If you want help building the skills you need to own your ambition, femininity and power you can follow me on LinkedIn, subscribe to my newsletter or book a call to learn more about how I can help you own your ambition, femininity and power.