How to break up with stress

The last weeks made me think - more than usual - about how to manage stress. As the pandemic continues to be very present in our lives, we all deal with worries and uncertainties in different ways. People manage increased anxiety and heightened concerns differently, which made me reflect on my strategies to step away from stress before it becomes a real problem. 

Let me just start by saying that I am not an expert in the field. I am sharing this because I often get asked the question: “How do you manage stress, as a single mom of two boys with a very demanding job?” and I hope these ideas will, hopefully, inspire some of you.

"Rule number one is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it's all small stuff." - Robert Eliot

Truth is, I wasn’t always good at this. I had to hit rock bottom - literally, because one day, all of a sudden, I just fainted in the office. Many of you know I spent around 15 years of my life, in my twenties and my early thirties, leading large IT transformation projects - either selling them or implementing them. Or both. If you’d done that, you know that means often being on the road. Calling hotels home. Working long hours. Weekdays and weekends blended in together because work would never stop. And, I have to say, I loved every single bit of it. So much so, that I ignored all the signals of stress building up and, one day, without warning, my body gave up on me. 

After I was seen by a doctor, I was diagnosed with straight up exhaustion. I’ve been “burning the candle at both ends”, he said. Working too much. Eating… whenever I remembered to do so. Thinking sleeping was overrated. Celebrating life (in hindsight, maybe just denying that stress was creeping in) with a glass (or 2) of wine!

That day made me stop and reflect on how I can avoid being in that situation ever again. Here’s what I learned: 

1. Know your own limits - because only you can define them for yourself. 

Often people ask questions about how to manage work and home life but only you know your own life and your own circumstances. Everyone's tolerance, or needs or working styles, or support system are different. Just because it works for someone it may not work for you. Own your own important dates, or must dos. Build them into your calendar as if they are a meeting. Only then will you make the time for it. 

2. Stress less, plan more

I was lucky enough in my early days at HP to get certified in Project and Program management, I did many modules as part of this. Little did I know that this will not only help me lead complex projects but also how to reduce stress by breaking a large, complex project into smaller, manageable initiatives with dates to influence my mind into thinking that it doesn’t all have to happen at once. Making lists and writing things down (yes, writing with a pen - not typing) is still a very efficient way for me to ease stress. Once it’s written down, I know it will get done - even if it’s not done right that moment. 

3. Find and make healthy habits a priority 

For me, that is pilates. I have been practicing it for around 8 years and, while I always wish I could do it more often, I am certainly still very happy if I do it even if just once a week, for an hour. Those 60 minutes of me-time helps me get centered, breathe and clear my mind. That’s why, even though my practice frequency is far from perfect, I know I will always come back to it, forever.

4. Speaking of priorities - set your own  

Easier said than done, I know. But hear me out because this is important. Not everything can be done all at once, so define your must-do’s vs. nice-to-haves. For me that translates into setting priorities pretty often so I can always keep myself in check. Because there is always more work to be done. More things to take care of or to worry about. Always go back to your priorities and don’t let the madness get to you. 

5. Last, but certainly not least, take breaks 

I am writing this with a big smile on my face - because I seriously need to take my own advice here! But, leaving the joke aside, if I feel stress creeping into my body, I step away. I’ve learned that even if I do this for 5 min, it helps me breathe better and think clearer. Another thing I’ve learned over the years is that it’s totally okay to have days when you’re doing nothing. This is another thing that was very hard for me since I’ve always felt that if I am not busy, I am lazy. But, truth being told, it’s totally ok to have a day watching films, taking a walk, having a bath and...nothing else at the weekend. 

With all that said, I truly believe stress can be transformed into a strength - if you find ways to manage it. I choose to see stress as a challenge. I choose to use stressful situations as lessons. And I always remind myself that everything in life is temporary.