How to break the fears of leaders providing feedback

When a team is not given proper feedback they miss not only on a career prospect, they also loose the opportunity to learn and improve themselves. Any place where feedback is not planned and shared properly leads to mis trust and a dis-engaged environment. A successful leader would not only lead by example but also provide constructive feedback for his own success.?

A leader might pride himself in having his teams back. He might even take up a bang from a senior for his team just to have them under an umbrella. A leader might be strategin and dynamic in nature and be a top performing executive. However, when this time comes to give feedback to his own team or peers, many do feel the weakness in their knees. The very thought of how to start a session on giving feedbacks goes like … even a few days planning the same.

When things don’t go the right way, and a leader has trust and dependence on his team, he might think that everything will fall in place. However, he might not share his concern through a feedback mechanism which might have devastating effects including the project falling apart. And once this happens, the leader blames himself for not gathering the strength to bring the brutal facts to the forefront as a feedback. He again takes a blame realizing he could have avoided it.

Giving feedback can lead to conflict, others demotivation or other emotional reactions. But that does not mean a leader does not face such situations. And this impact is the reason a leader wants to avoid giving feedback.

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To avoid these situations and be able to provide constructive feedback is what I wanted to address here.

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You are not a difficult manager

Usually a leader thinks giving this feedback might strain all the relations I have built over this time OR no one wants me to manage his / her business. They would feel I am getting too involved. They will take me to be a difficult manager to work with. Instead of pursuing these thoughts what a leader should approach this is with the thoughts

-??????? If I give this feedback we can avoid a major complication

-??????? This feedback will help the person to correct the work as well as learn

-??????? In case the person can manage it well, it can open up a career opportunity in the future

These kind of thoughts would help him proactively approach how to provide the feedback rather than weigh him down with the baggage of relations or perceptions which were drawn on unconclusive facts

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Be the leader who makes a difference

When you speak to the person sitting next to you and ask him what he needs from a manager the usual reply would be he should be someone who can provide feedback so i can grow. In my opinion 70% of professionals would have this say. However when you ask if his manager gives him constructive feedback and he values the same, not more than 10% of people would agree their managers give a proper feedback or gives a feedback at all.

As a leader it is the responsibility of providing this feedback one needs. This is not just for the building of a relationship but also for giving the opportunity to the person to work on and grow in his career. Contrary to the belief that this creates conflict, it actually nurtures people towards growth as well as self being a leader who that person looks up to and needs.

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Don’t be scared

In many cases one does not want to give feedback thinking the other person might lash out or get over emotional and not be open to the facts. Might even break down crying. Well, yes … these are all posibilites of extreme emotions during a feedback session. I have been through such cases various times. However not providing a feedback for such employees is worse. The reaction for over emotional people is much worse and difficult to handle if timely feedback is not provided. In such case they would come back giving the ball in the managers court and blaming him for not giving the feedback on time. This leads to unpleasant situations as well and much worse to linger.

The possible option in such cases is to prepare oneself before starting these feedback sessions and take a deep breath and brace up. As the situation unfolds, he should provide candid feedback and wait for the moment of extreme emotions to start. Then take a pause, give a break to the discussion and after a few moments come back together and complete the feedback. In such case the person gets time to reflect on his partial feedback and starts introspecting. This gives time to avoid conflict as well as provide the necessary feedback.

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Be compassionate and don’t pass the buck

Holding a person responsible for the mistake he or she has done might not go well if timely feedback is not given even after being aware. This can lead to disonnance. Providing the same with empathy as well as sharing the responsibility brings in trust as well as provides a healthy atmosphere.

Once a manager came up sharing he was facing a challenge working with a team member. I very well knew the manager had his own leadership challenges on which I was already coaching him. However his challenge was with a specific team member he was unable to handle. The person was difficult to manage but a strong and dedicated team member. We spoke on the various challenges the manager was facing and then I shared what was the gap in his working style. This gave me an opportunity to give him feedback as well as help him understand how he would need to manage his team member. Wherever we spoke of the team member, I mentioned, we will do it together. However the entire journey was managed by the manager but the confidence he got as he knew he was not alone was what made him manage his team as well as work towards his own way of leading.

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Be Assertive

In many cases while giving feedback we are toned down and have a slumped body language. This voice modulations and pose reflects you are not in control of the room. While seated, have a straight posture and either direct opposite or in a L shape sitting arrangement. Start the discussion with an assertive voice but not loud. This gives you confidence as well as provides the room of who is in charge. Also this leads to a shorter and more meaningful discussion.

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Be regular

A feedback should not be a once in a blue moon situation. Nor should it be a everyday affair. A feedback should be planned and well communicated. In various cases I have seen teams being called in and shared the managers feedback like “you did not complete the work as expected. Next time you need to ensure this is completed. Also you did not complete because of xyz reasons.” This is kept open and the meeting is concluded. Instead if the manager would have shared the reasons why this was not completed as per him and then take the opinion of the team and then they prepare a plan on how to mitigate the same hereon, this would help the project being completed as well give a more reflective understanding to the team and a direction on how to complete it.

A feedback session should not be kept open and should always be closed with a clear agreement as well as a direction on how to work on the feedback as well. Only then will a person know what is expected.