How Boundaries Save Lives and Boost Careers
Ariane Hunter, MBA
Speaker | Author of Dreaming on Purpose | Career Equity & Work Culture Leader
?? Welcome back to the Dreaming + Doing Sunday Digest, where we come to restore, reflect and get ready for the week ahead.
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Now, on to today’s sermon....
It’s no secret that, as Black women, we are expected to take on more at work and do it with a smile. This shows up as taking on additional work commitments, often without a pay increase. There is an unspoken expectation for us to always say yes to more responsibility, even if it means sacrificing our mental health. In my book , I talk about how the toll of overworking and ignoring the signs of exhaustion caught up with me. I was chronically fatigued, and my body developed multiple tumors as a result. It was a wake-up call, and I knew that my body was crying out for care and attention. As Audre Lorde wisely noted, "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence; it is self-preservation."?
Today, I want us to have a little chat about healthy boundaries and how they can be your saving grace at work. My favorite definition of boundaries is by Nneka M. Okona , she says:
Boundaries are the space between you and another person, a space where you end and the other person begins. Setting boundaries is a method of informing those around you how to treat you, how to care for you, how to interact with you in a way that is nurturing, fulfilling and makes you feel safe. It isn’t about forming a tight fence around your inner being. It is about ensuring you feel free enough to be yourself, in totality, with those you bond with, and interactions are healthy, reciprocal and beneficial. And also that your values are acknowledged, honored and respected.
Before we dive into the art of setting boundaries, let's make one thing clear: speaking up is essential for this to work. Self-advocacy is the key here. If you tend to be a people-pleaser, consider enlisting the help of a therapist or coach because sacrificing your own needs to please others isn't serving you anymore, Sis. Let’s begin with a few boundaries you can practice at work this week.?
1. Decline meetings where your presence isn't necessary
Most modern workplaces thrive on a culture of urgency and relentless grinding that can wreak havoc on your nervous system. We are no strangers to juggling multiple responsibilities and taking on more, and we can particularly feel the pressure to attend every meeting, especially if you are introverted and struggle with visibility at work. However, here's where a crucial shift in mindset is needed. Examine your weekly meeting schedule and determine which ones you can provide the most value versus those where your attendance might not be needed. Don’t hesitate to contact the meeting organizer to ask whether you are needed. You turn the tables by protecting your time and prioritizing your needs, starting with your calendar.?
2. Take your one-hour lunch break
It may seem simple, but taking that full one-hour lunch break is a fundamental act of self-care. In fact, I know a lot of y’all or working through your break. Stoppit! All too often, we eat at our desks or work through breaks, thinking that by doing so, we will be rewarded for our hard work, but that promotion never comes, does it? If you work in a fast-paced workplace culture, which, let’s be honest, is most capitalist-driven companies, the expectation is to work straight through the day. This is often reinforced by upper management and senior leaders who lead by example. For all you history geeks out there, the lunch break was established in response to protect employees against exploitative practices that were common during the Great Depression. Labor laws were passed so that companies could not overwork their employees without pay. However, as of 2017, there are still 26 states that do not require breaks and research shows that the amount of time people are taking for breaks is shrinking.?
The lunch break isn't just for you to eat a sandwich; it's a mental refresher, a moment of solace in the midst of a busy workday to sit quietly, take a walk, go to yoga, literally anything that will give your mind and body a break. By reclaiming this time, you're sending a clear message to yourself and your colleagues that your well-being matters.
3. Opt for 30-minute meetings whenever possible
Let's face it; not every meeting needs to be an hour. When I realized this, my meeting schedule looked a lot more spacious. By advocating for shorter, more concise meetings, you're respecting your time and encouraging greater efficiency. This simple adjustment can make a significant difference in your workday.
4. Explore full-time remote work options
In 2011, when I left a corporate job to start my own business, it meant no longer having to go into an office. I realized the beauty of being free from office politics, and it did wonders for my mental health. I decided that I wouldn't return to any office unless it were on my own terms. I have only held remote jobs ever since. Studies found that 42.6% of employees would rather quit than give up remote work privileges. Being remote is an immense privilege as not all workers can go remote. However, we must never forget the power we hold to create the work environments we need to support our well-being and do our best work.
5. Out of office means exactly that
Whether it's your PTO or a well-deserved wellness day, taking time off means unplugging from work so that you can actually reap the benefits of taking a break. It's natural to worry about what might happen when you step away from the office, but this is an opportunity to put plans in place while you’re away so that the work can continue smoothly without your physical presence. Start by enlisting someone to cover for you while you’re away. Make sure this person is someone you can trust to step up on your behalf. Train them on what to do in your absence and empower them to make choices on your behalf. Be sure to communicate clearly to your team that you won't be accessible during your time away. This is a practice of instilling trust in yourself and in your team that they can handle whatever comes their way. It's possible to fully disconnect and take necessary breaks. Your well-being depends on it.
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Disclaimer
When you push back against toxic systems to safeguard your mental health, be prepared for potential consequences. You might be as "not a team player" or "disagreeable." As a recovering people pleaser, being perceived as not accommodating to everyone else was my kryptonite. It meant that I was disappointing others and letting people down. But the real disappointment was letting myself down. It’s important for you to recognize that these labels have nothing to do with you and are more about the biases and misconceptions of others. You cannot control how others perceive you, so put down your sword; this is not your battle to fight. Rather than internalizing these labels, see them for what they are: attempts to maintain the status quo and resist the change you're championing. Stand your ground and let your boundaries guide how you want to be treated.?
Setting boundaries is a radical act of self-love and resistance. Embracing rest and ease at work isn't just a matter of preference; preserving your mental health is necessary. So speak up, protect your calendar, and don't be deterred by labels. The example you’ll set can change the course of workplace culture for generations to come.?
This piece was originally published October 2023
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Dreaming on Purpose" is a companion for millennial Black professional women on the path of self-discovery and redefining her next career chapter. This book explores our careers as a vessel for legacy, liberation, and healing, blending social justice and spiritual wellness to reclaim our dreams.
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We are a social justice career company dedicated to the liberation of Black professional millennial women. This means after twenty years in your career, you're tired of the corporate bullshit and ready to pave a new way forward. We believe that our careers are vessels for self-discovery, healing, and collective liberation. To break free in your career, I provide Career-to-Purpose 1:1 strategy sessions. Booking limited spots for September.